Lasso

A comment the brother made was to lasso one in to play games or something to that effect.

Daily Planetary Overview:
The Moon conjunct Chiron will bring the opportunity to realize your hopes and ambitions. Think about what you want to bring into you life, visualize having it, and then be grateful for your blessings. The results will happen later.

Your Horoscope - Today, December 30, 2008
Bask in the sunshine of this day, melly. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and work to expand these energies. There is a great deal of opportunity open to you at this time. The key to honing in this is to stay close to the things that truly bring you the most happiness. The details will work themselves out with almost no effort. Have faith that you will succeed and you will.

For some reason I really like this one. Or at least to me it seems to make sence at least for today especially. It seems that today the brother is in a better mood. For goodness sake he even helped to shovel the snow! So it's a good start. I just want to let all things go now. It's starting to get hard to bare. I really need a new hobby. Something different to do. Something to look forward to. But really with the new year around the corner. Things have not been to shabby. Pretty content after all. From the way things seem right now. Everall it's working out with little to no effort. Except when it comes to matters of the heart. But really, just greatful for even for the fleeting moments. Really can not ask for more. Adding pictures tend to screw things up. Better off just leaving it be.

Forgot one point that was very important that it's too young I just discovered. Not a good sign.
It really isn't meant to be

I Don't Mind

The application. Is it really fate without destiny or just a game? Either way, I really can not ask for more. I really can not. I do not dare to. But when reality hits. It really hits you hard. It's just better to let things go. And not to hold on to anything. But in the end I do care and want the best for them. Really do. For them to find their own way and be on their own. So unconditional. Either way, it's best to look out for yourself first. To focus on yourself. I do understand they are all just looking out for me. But I have to protect myself. At least it help me decide something. I just needed a sign for the direction I should take. It's best to know sooner rather than later. But like ir saids, no sence in worrying. You can't possibly know what will happen. Waste time in worrying about things you can't control. Investagate and find other ways to deal with life. Challenge it. See things in a deeper more meaningful way of life. No need to worry, you have enough. Beyong your imagination, that's why you can't beleive it.

No matter how you cut it, the result will be the same. The end will be the same. Then do I try to protect myself? But it could be freak chance or a sign that it happen to be HKUST as well. More like a sign I should listen to. You have choices, you can be why did I fall in love with you or I'm so sorry but I love you or I got you under my skin. So who you want to be? Nothing lasts forever anyways and thing have a way of never going the way you expect it to or planned. Better just to leave things alone. This too will pass. For now just have to work on keeping them chompers clean.

And what the heck is with the brother's fit? If I didn't know better I would call it male pms. But it's not like I didn't learn my lesson the first time. But it can't be helped that they are greedy.

The door to my heart is open to you

Just a side note, got a message from arse saying been reading old letters. Wierd eh?

Pass

The holiday has come and gone. It was fun this year except my brother didn't get me anything =_= No matter, there really isn't anything I need or want, but he could have even gotten me a piece of candy or even guy ^^. So for a week in review. Got back from scool for break with one day of rest and then the whirl wind started.

• 12/22 Drove Lu and Jane last minute back to my place for 2 nights. Went to MOA to look around and Lu just wouldn't stop buying me junk. The materialism. I don't know why but it really did upset me that she would feel the need to get me anything. Have to learn to keep my mouth shut and not comment on anything I like. (बुत सोमेतिमेस इ वोंदर इफ आईटी'स सम क्रुएल इन्तेंशन्स इ हवे ठाट इ माय तरी तो मनिपुलाते थे सितुअशन तो तरी तो गेट वहत इ वांट? इ वोर्री अबाउट ठाट. इ रेअल्ली दो, इ ऍम नोट सुर वहत तो दो अबाउट आईटी येत. आईटी मय्बे अ पार्ट ऑफ़ में ठाट इ त्र्येद तो कीप सुप्रेस्सेद. लेट्स से दुरिंग थिस कंद ऑफ़ सीज़न आईटी'स मोरे दिफ्फिकुल्ट तो दो. )
• 12/24 Droped off Lu to pick eh up। Went to dinners, but didn't expect for most people to think eh was gey lol And I though I was the only one that though that ^^ Else is was nice, it was fun. Pigeon got my a finals surival kit thing lol too funny. 20 bucks, AMP, and can't go worng with some chocolate. ( आईटी वास फूं, व्हो क्नोव्स वहत एह थौघ्त ऑफ़ आईटी। फॉर सम रासों रेअल्ली तौच्य फीलिए, मोरे थान उसुअल। बुत इ रेअल्ली दिदं'टी थिंक अन्य्थिंग ऑफ़ आईटी। इ मैं लिखे ठाट विथ मानी पीपुल। थे फीडबैक इ गोत फ्रॉम थे एवेनिंग वास पोतेंतिअल गेय्नेस लोल और अत लीस्ट फेमिने बेहविओर्स। इ गेस आईटी स्टार्टेड अस अ जोके ठाट वे शौल्ड होल्ड हंड्स एंड थें वौल्ड कीप ओं ग्रादिंग फॉर आईटी। एदिकुलिऔस रेअल्ली। आफ्टर थे डिनर वेंट बेक। वास जुस्त नाप्पिंग एंड नेस्ट थिंग इ क्नोव वास बीइंग मोरे और लेस स्नुग्ग्लेद? आईटी वास आक्वर्ड एंड येत कोम्फोर्ताब्ले। आईटी वास अ सतरंगे सेंसेशन। बुत सो क्यूट गे और नोट लोल। आईटी वास अल्सो सतरंगे हाउ इ वौल्ड बे पिच्केद अत एंड हवे अन आर्म अरौंदमें। बुत आईटी'स लिखे ठाट विथ एवेर्योने रेअल्ली। बुत आईटी हर्ट जुस्त तो ड्रीम अ लिटिल ^^) It was interesting.
• 12/26 I ended up staying over at LSF and was turned into a giant hamster lol I can blame that on Lu. With 5 blankets and 5 different choices of drinks? It was fun to be an hamster for a day. The next morning got a call to go to Dr. Kim's place for a potluck and it was fun, food not so tasty. All vegi, but the conservation was good. But it went on for a little too long. Six very long hours। Insain. But didn't notice any husband or kids, maybe she was lonely. Intersting place she had. Nice and cozy. She has good taste. ( एंड दोएस प्लेयिंग फूत्सिए काउंट? लोल नव, जुस्त लिखे तो पिचक ओं में।) After that shin dig, no matter the weather, decided to, or no, more like determined to go home. Although I know it was my bad for being late and I know mom was upset that I didn't call. Or at least I think that was the issue. There's a small chance it maybe for a another reason. So also gave a ride and droped off at a friend's place that was actually near Pigeon. Nice place.

Today got some input from some people and who knew there was such a thing as gey acting people. No matter, it doesn't change anything. Something seemed a miss today. I am not sure what it is. But something feels worng. Since that feeling, things have not been going right. Maybe just need to refresh. But I still do have this odd feeling that something is worng. Just can't put my finger on it. Can't say being cold and having the internet be so slow is helping. And the translation doesn't work either saddly. But a positive point for the day was that I did slightly better than I expected grade wise. I did reach my goal. So it means I have much more to do now. I really for some time thought about what would I do if I didn't make my goal? Hopefully after tomorrow, things will be better. Or even after a shower, I will feel better. There's just something really bothering me right now.

Douche

It's a disease, it really is. An illness.. sickness.. When will I get better? I do hope soon. By far todays ep of Family Guy is my fav. I feel as though I been neglecting some things I need to take care of. So I have like a bagillion text books to rid of. I'll figure it out. Try to take care of the ones I have here already. For now lets take care of the cards part. Not to worry too much. Lets just work on getting yourself better before anything else. Lets clean out all the clutter. Guests are going to be showing up. I know I am not looking forward to it. But we shall see. Think positive. So I am trying this amazon selling stuff. It can't hurt to try anyways. Else I really do need to be on top of things and get rid of books once I get them. I wonder what other junks I can sell too. Or I can just let it go. Having it here won't do any good. It's like sitting on money I can not use.

Why pain yourself. Why put yourself through this when you know very well no one else will know. No one else will care. When it will not matter to anyone. What good will it do. You only pitty yourself. Only try to get attention for your own selfishness. Your own ill will. Please, don't do this to yourself. Don't pain yourself. Especially for someone so fake. Leave yourself open to everyone. Is to be open yet, protected, to free yourself from the anchors of others.

Gives you Hell

I hope it gives you hell. I really am in it. Someone sure gave it to me or did I walk right into it. So today was not so bad. At least I didn't think so untill I saw econ grade, but it's not like I wasn't expecting it. I knew it was coming.

So I guess it was the other day I guess. Not sure why I left it out. But I am trying to remember. The day before talking to Arb so it was a Tuesday. Ye, I remember now. The whole laundry feasko. Eh was so tired and pretty much took a off day. But that day was shadowed by poor performance in Estate. But now that I have more or less accepted it. It's time reflect. I really can't blame anyone but it was wierd had the guts to lay on my lap? WTF... Since when can help yourself to something like that? How wierd. But then again they all seem to be that way. It wasn't a late night. But not sure why I wasn't feeling the grove at all that day. I am sure I do recall a cupon about a free pizza. But made it sound like it was paid for. But I really was in no mood to eat. Rediculous why someone would not eat except for me when I am not feeling well. It's funny how quickly time passes. It's already almost 7pm and I still feel like I have nothing done. Well really I did get pretty much most of my paper done, but I guess I owe that part back in Atwood this morning. But it was funny how plowed through the text for frequency answer. It was either b. or d. And the answer was d. so I win =P

There's a meeting in a few, and I wonder how it will turn out? I know all I can do is my part. But I wonder overall how it will be. Will I end up there for some hours and drag it on? But we do only have the room for an hour. So lets get cleaned up and get it taken care of.

Time Wasted

Or was it? No matter at this point. I need to get back to work. Can churn out details later. Think if I got through this part. I can get much mroe done. Or lat least I will feel I can. The marketing thing is really pushing it to the edge. But we will see. I know I am not feeling confidant about this. But I have to trust. I did spend a little too much time on Arb and it was I can tell at first not for me, but eventually it was. I can sence the manipulation. What am I trying to do? I can feel reverting back to old ways. Long forgotten past that was left behind. I need to reset myself. Once it's done you will feel better, but I can tell you that you will feel like crap if you don't try your best and don't give up now. It's not like I have not throught about it. But not matter how you cut it, it can only lead to nowhere or to a place you don't want to be. A road taken long ago. You must save yourself. On a side note. Bumped into Ike like 3 times today. Bad day and last thing said may stop by eep! But God dam it, why have to be so freaking cute! Good Lord. *cry cry* Solution: must stay away.

Save me, I am really drawning in Rain.

I will give you hell

And somehow I give myself hell what what I put myself through. Consider it as good karma I am trying to collect. For now, good night self. Please do take care. We shall disguss in the morning in further details as I digest the events. It's funny how friendly eh is. I know how it is. How friendlyness can be mistaken for else. But I have witnessed it how it is like with other people. But also would turn around and be different. Do realize the same was spent on Lu. So don't be thinking of anything. Really no different treatment. But with caution on the side, don't get over your head. Don't give more than you can. Give what you are content with. I am content with what is now. I really am. But like all things. As much as you want it to be like this always, it will pass like the wind. To them, you are just a fleating moment. So enjoy them moment, don't think much of it. Even if you do then fine. Lets just get it all out on the table. So what if you do, so you do. So you enjoy the company. But honest to God, really, seriously.. you can't even take care of yourself. You know your situation. And I think that was enough. I know I start to think about this when the semester ends. That things be different once it's all over with mketing and all the fluf. And time would have passed us by and the moment be over. I know it seems sad. But something new will come by. Maybe it be a good thing or even better. Who knows. It's really how you relate to everything.

I really didn't expect things to end up like the way they did. How it get to this point. It's funny. But back to basics, I do enjoy the company. On some wierd level we do get a long. But it maybe all a dilusion. It's something I will live with. But be mindful. We have fun, or least I do. I am greatful. Thank you, even to arse, especially to arse. If it wasn't for it, I really don't know things could even have a chance to turn out like they did. Thanks You.

Disaster in the Making

Rain is so adorable. Especially like the hair, so boyish. Wish I had hair like dat. It's a work in progress. I think I got the doll all taken care of. Although it's taking much longer than expected to get it. But I am in no hurry. As long as it gets here eventually. To the left off the side of my eye, it looks like the malay arsehole that wanted cultural hours. It sure looks like him. Not sure though. Will take a second take on the way out just to be sure. bad day bad day. I relaly need to start to get stuff done. Get it all done so it's no longer a burden. Can't say that I didn't try. For I know the Lord will guide me and get me to where I need to be.

Still Raining

Aw crapies. I guess I will know soon enough. I guess I should have studies more but I'm not sure if it would make much more of a difference. The heart stoped for a second hen Zhang asked for an electronic copy of the paper. I'm not sure if I should or not. I'll wait untill the grade is out, then I will decide then or inccidently I will forget. Kind of hungie too. But so much to do now. At this point. So scared of Econ right now and Insur. First get:

• Estate homework done.
  
• Then is churn out a paper for mgmt

I know there's not much I can do for insur now, it's utterly hopeless. But I can still try for Estate and the rest. This like before can not stop me from trying. I know the feeling of hopelessness can be overwhelming. Speaking of overwhelming, bumed into ike today. Actually spoke a few words. Nothing too exciting. Though the hair is getting a little too mop like and becoming a .. well you know ^^ Not so attractive. But meh.

After looking at this and capturing this moment, somehow I feel much better. So instead of churning out mgmt paper, I churned out some cards. I guess it's better to get them all out soon than later when you may not have a chance to. So econ was more or less to be expected. But it really was a fluke for someone that had no idea what she was doing. Crazy eh? It was a fun run, but I still have little to no understanding of what was going on. And look what happens when I just try to look for a silly space image and a whole section gets deleted. Sad sad. I was going to talk about this dream, but I have talked about it 3 times already. Well at least I found out the game is called Stardust. And there goes roomy with her instant noodles ^^ emm smells nummies. nom nom. So this dream was like a ship and an plant attached to it and it was like an astroy scene there was shooting down mother ships or something. But in this dream, I don't seem to be very effective and at the same time had to keep an eye on this little plant that was attached to me by some light beam. After that it switched to a scene that was all too familar. The same one with arse in it but this time with eh in it. Same situation where could not get attention because was looking away on computer screen. Maybe it's a sigh of some baggage I have and trying to achieve something I can not have. I have been better at it. The desire none but to give everything. To be poor in a good way. Or at least the way I want to be.

Side of itchy hair. I thought I was going insain but I remember now that I didn't wash the hair for a day. Who knew just one day would much such a difference. Hair overall looks just fine. But I can feel it being so itchy. Maybe I am really that dirty or something. Besides washing hair. I still have:

• mgmt paper to chun out
• estudiar estate
• estudiar mketing

Think that's pretty much for offocial business. And for off the record business:

• more craps to print out but need to add printing cash
• give arse his junks
• send cards
• clean up room

I know I was disapointed last nite. But it's to be expected. But this too will pass.

You may feel sad or lonely today, but it will pass. This aspect will test your inner strength.

Power of Silence

We'll see where this takes us. You know what was sad. Was yesterday after hearing eh's failure, I found some joy in it. How dare I to think that way. And then I was sad. Not really sure what to think of it. And then pigeon told me about effy and drama from that end. And I was sadly pleased in some dark way and yet sad with no solution. I almost forget about the language thing, I guess there's no need to hid is any longer. But just be careful with the spelling aspect. But I think I know what I am trying to say. But it might be better still this way to leave things in my own interperation.

ఇన్ ఒథెర్ వర్డ్స్

आईटी'स फुन्न्य हाउ थिस वोर्क्स, इ गेस इ नीद तो बे मोरे सुर ऑफ़ थे स्पेल्लिंग।
ಇ ಗುಎಸ್ಸ್ ಇ ಶಲ್ ಜಸ್ಟ್ ಗೋ ದೊವ್ನ್ ದಿ ಲಿಸ್ಟ್, ವಾಟ್ ಇ ಪಿಕ್ ದೊಎಸ್ನ್'ತ ರಿಯಲಿ ಮತ್ತೆರ್.
ബട്ട് സൊ ഫാര്‍ ഐ സീം ടോ ലൈക്‌ ദ ഫസ്റ്റ് ഓനെ, ദ സെക്കന്റ് ഓനെ രേമിണ്ട്സ് മി ഓഫ് വലിന്റിനെസ് ഡേ
இ ரேஅல்லி பீல் லைக் எஅடிங் செல்லோதிஸ் ஒன் இ டான்'த லைக் அச மச்.
ఐ థింక్ ఐ విల్ గో మాక్ జేల్లో. బట్ సో ఫర్ ఐ లికె హిందీ ది బెస్ట్. ఇట్ హస్ అ మోర్ సెల్టిక్ ఫీల్ తో ఇట్ అండ్ సెకండ్ బి కన్నడ
सो वे हवे अ विन्नेर, थिस फॉर मोरे सीरियस नोट्स, ಅಂಡ್ ದಿಸ್ ಫಾರ್ ಮೊರೆ ಒರ ಲೆಸ್ ಲೆಟ್ಸ್ ಸೆ ^^

I just can't seem to change the title, else it's good

Materialism

So I don't feel so bad today. Although I was far more productive yesterday and I am feeling productive, yet I am not doing anything much. What was funny today was Arb said I should marry em so I could take care care of eh lol funny funny. Other than that, the food wasn't that good. No idea why they liked it. It was ordinary.

Besides that, group was pretty productive. I am feeling less worried. Like everything else it passes. I still need to finish up the talk from yesterday. Other than that, even today I did get a few things done.

After getting home, Linens and Things was 50% off and oh dear there goes all the work I have done. The greed didn't take over so much, but I could feel it there. Materialistic. Materialism like Rainism ^^ emm so good. The temparary satisfaction. But I do feel I have made some progress. I remember when comp craped out on me and I would freak over lossing everything. Yet this time it was different. I was more or less indifferent. The loss was like nothing. I was a wee bit upset that the comp might not start up again, but it did. The lost content didn't matter to me. Given that I have some of it backedup, but most of it was lost. The videos and especially images. All gone. The videos I didn't feel much for, but the images. Took so many years to collect, all gone. I was sad, but not in pain. But everything worked out. Got the comp back up and working.

After the comp fixed, had a chat about memorization. But the bottom line is that around here, memorization proves nothing. Doesn't show you know anything. It's all about application. Any idiot can memorize. I know I still feel and I aknowledge it. The more I know the more I see we are different animals that don't see eye to important things. It makes it easier to bare and let go. Thanks you.

With love and compasion, the door to my heart is open to you.

I also should note that eh did mention getting something, but I really long for nothing. At least I know it can't be anything that could satisfy me, just bring me disapointment. Thus I want nothing.

Ajahn Mosquitoes

(it's so cute, I really want to get one for simmy) I will just preorder it I think. The door to my heart is open to you. Difficult beings take advantage of you... mosquitoes. Most diffuculty is how you react to it. You can change them? Being difficult is a phase from birth to death? Freshly sqousen lol he grunted. But where in the world does he get all this food? The one that's most difficult to live with is you. Reason you find other people difficult, is because you find yourself difficult.

The cause of stress: when it gets to heavy to bare, you don't know how to put it down, are afriad to put it down. Nothing to do with amount of work you have.

I don't think I will finish this talk, but it's a good one.

So on a side note, eh called so stressed as usual over communication. Lasted for 20minutes. Not sure how the topic on eating came up, but something about not thinking about eh. And then about not inviting em to eat. Intersting lol. Okay then, I will take you up on it. Show em to be careful what you say, especially around me because I will take you up on it and hold you to your word. So ha. Liar or not, even if so, can make em into not one eventually.

Shoot to Kill

It's not what you say, but what you do

Stupid blogger, where were you when I needed you? I guess it was just luck that it started to work just when I left. I am still distressed over the other day. But today I saw something that really hit reality hard. Eh is just frinedly towards everyone. Especially friendly. I see em for what eh is. I can see that now. I see right through em. The more I think about it. The more mum seems to be right about these types of things that I am just used. It really isn't what you way, it's what you do. I hear a lot of talk. Seldom see and observe where I am not involved. Today I saw a different side that's not the same as eh's words. Actions really do speak louder than words. They really do.. it's so true.

Today for the most part in a long while I have let it go. I really have. But sometimes I feel like without anything, does like have any meaning or it losses all meaning. But I guess I am trying to still find meaning in myself from within and not look out for meaning. The meaning must come from within.

In Dung Again..

*sigh* I don't know if this is the work that's making me feel crapy or the idea of it that's worse. It can even be eh that's really making me feel crapy. I know this feeling and I knew it was a matter of time before it catches up with me. But keep in mind that inless than 2 weeks it all be over. Maybe I just need a refresher. The ache. The longing.. it pains me. But I have been working on this for awhile. Maybe I just need a rest. Lets try that self. Don't harm yourself. Have to take care of one self.

It will be done

It shall be done was the second thought. Today went by as any day did. Work wasn't bad at all. Am really not too concerned about anything else. As for told, things will work out as they should and as they will. Even if it kills me.

I got you Under my Skin

Japanese version is so intense. It maybe the same or maybe I have the sound jacked up XD But either way it's still very good. There be more later, for now gotta boggie.

So tired and so hungie, but can not reat. At least not yet. I can't not fail this. I really can not. I need to find a way to get through this. I guess I can try to email classmate. But I won't know unless I try.

But should I? All things are pointing I should try, but then again bump into Nathan and dude in lab working on it. So that jerk jaja. Kick me. Really is something. Anyways it's Ajan Temptation that's what it really is ^^

Don't really feel like writing anything today so we leave it be for today. Night self.

On the Way to Hell

Jerk

So it was wierd that he noticed that I did cut my hair. It was just a few snips which no one in the right mind would notice except for someone that is really gey.

Why have I Fallen for You?

Why did I fall in love with you?

Say Jou Say

There was a phrased I like, but it was a wee but long for a simple blog title. So I guess I can leave it blank for now. Or not. Just went to see Troy and I know I was a wee bit late, but sadly I was turned away by the front desk. Either way, still have much to do and it's not like finishing up an assigment and it be done and done. It's more like on going and I don't like the idea that it's never done. But this too will pass. *except for his smexyness ^^

So randomly get a call from eh. But I am starting to think it was just a random mistaken call. I see no justification for it and if there was, already email the punk and taken care of it. All of wahtever we deal with will all pass. This feeling will not last forever and me sitting there dwelling on it does no good. Meetings I know I do not look forward to, but it really has been so long. It's about time we had one.

Either way it will pass and be done with soon enough. Oh and this morning, I don't know if my eyes decieve me, or maybe it was wishful thinking. But scored awsome on the marketing exam. I am not sure the reason, was it really em or was it I disaplined myself as uncomfortable as it was I tryed. Or was is pure luck?

Meeting was alright, ran into eh in Garvy. But dount everything eh says, but just to take it lightly. But I don't plan to stay so long. Not a problem either way, for there is no solution for it now. All will be clear when the time comes. So no worries.

For now I should..

• Figure out how to do MGMT problems


• Gather info fo credit default swap


• Start outline for last Phil paper

*After fliping through Dung book and Bible Lit* I wouldn't be happy if I got it. I am happy with the way things are, sure more would be nice. But it's enough. Just a call once awhile I an content. I don't dare to ask for more although I know I long for more. But it won't make me happy. Or anymore happy, it seems to be like the small things eh does that gives me tempary satisfaction. I will reach out to people with love and compasion weather they reach back or not. But can it be considered as reaching back after getting notes from eh? I didn't ask for it, and there it is.. I am very moved by it. And then there's em. If em can put in the effort to leave a message, I can do the same and then some because I want to. I can

Trust come on Foot, but Leaves on Horse back

It's really true what they say. Distress. Eh is making me distressed and I can feel it. But I expect nothing, but it just seems more and more eh just wants to go home. But nothing but love. I hope for the best for em. As long as eh is happy, I need not to know anything more. Knowing or not, won't make any difference, it can't change how I feel. Just contentment when things are well. And appreciation when things are down, they are there for a reason to teach us something. Even eh is there to teach me something. I do so much and yet I do nothing. Maybe it's better off that way. I really don't remember if I have used this image or not. But all this incomplete work is really eating away at me. I really do hope tomorrow I can be so much mroe productive. It may help to have a faster computer that I can just plow through all this. I will just leave this as is. There is a part of me that really wants a mp3 player, but I know I will get ill of all this soon and I need time to myself and to listen to myself. I can't keep ignoring myself especially how important I am.

NUTS = It's a nagging unfinished tasks. It's true... Goodnight self, tomorrow shall bea good day, very productive. It's all because I want to. Not for you or any other reason other than for myself. Because I am.

Just Push

I just went with the first image that gave me any feeling. Scope just poped up and said { How uncanny that he/she feels the same way.. } If that was so, then I got something to work on then. Whenever you are in a bind, can always cound on Simple Plan - Your Love is a Lie to get you out ^^ But what are the chances called twice, left a massage once and nothing? Well it's not like it has not happened before. Well no matter. Eh is not as innocent as eh looks. One must always becareful not to be used. Nothing worng with helping people out, just on your own inicitive and accord. Not because you were manipulated. So no matter the result, you know you did it because you wanted to. Nothing more.

I really don't feel like working on Eviews now, but I know I really have been putting it off for a long time now. And speak of the Devil. Had an interesting talk with eh. Something about liars. So sia sum is attention to details or sensative? Or maybe it's a wee bit of both. It really is funny how one call changes everything. But do I beleive eh? But do take note that talking to em does tend to go too long. At least longer than expected. *sigh* so do hate what eh does to me, drives me insain.

Good Lessons are Thoughest to Learn

I can feel anger and frustration setting in. But then I start to think about the one over the summer and I catch myself trying to explain to him how to love one else. And I find myself needing the same lesson. To let go and to learn the lesson. (I was going to use a different one but I can't find the imagin your pain one, so this shall do)

This weekend was Turkey weekend and it truely was a Black Friday. All the disapline and what I have worked for all seemed to go right out the door this weekend. The greed and the need all took over and ran rampant through my life. I could feel it taking a hold of me.. I really need to do a quick reset and calm the mind. I bought so much and to what end? Oh the greed and the wanting of more and more. Ending up buying two pairs of shoes and then a jacket that I really chouldn't have, but did anyways because the need was so strong. Bad bad. When I should be content with what I already have. And that one applys to everything. Including with relactionships of any kind.

I think I need to go decluter for a bit. Everything is tempary, it can never fill the void that's in me. I want to get back to looking for icons and photography again. That was always fun. It was where it all started kind of more or less where the road the Hell started.

I am starting to feel a wee bit better now.

• Thanks.

Awful Drained as a Used Tea Bag

I am really tired. But yesterday finally got marketing book back and also a bunch of notes too which were so nice I got to admit. And the smilie face added character too which was cute and sweet. I know I have fallen for em. But I will be careful. It was worth it after all even if this was all I ever get. It was well worth it if I can get a decent grade on the test, but we shall see.

Since last night I have had 3 hours of sleep. So very tired. But somehow things worked out more or less. I am not sure. I mean I know I did miss Phil over talking to Barb, but it was for a very selfish reason. I know it was worng. I don't know what I was trying to get at but I know it was for my own cruel intensions. But maybe that's how things are to be. But not for a class when it's so close. I know I ill end up kicking myself if I missed it over attendance. Had my meeting with Sarah. I knew she was smart but not that smart with a 4.0 gpa omg.. now I feel stupid. At least I got her age right that's she's late 20's and turns out she's 29. So I hit that one. E-board meeting was quick was OTM, then Business Meeting didn't happen because of the 6 CA's getting canned. So that worked out. Then eh called and meh called. Although didn't get eh's paper to look over, did get to talk about issues that I know do bother him. It's all about uncertainity. Need to find a way to reduce it. It's his insercurties that affect me and make me worry. But eh did say I dun have to worry because I'm American. But that has nothing to do with spending how much time in school.

And the things I have to do still. Zero expectations..

• Print out craps
• Churn out graphs
• Research credit default swap

True Love.. and compasion.

True Love

I been reading Ajahn's book on true love. It's not what they make it out to be like in the movies. It's to love unconditionally. No matter what. I wonder how you learn that. I can try though. To love anyways and to expect nothing. To leave the door to my heart open to you at all times, no matter what hour of the day it is.

So the weekend passes like every other weeken except this weekend I truely got nothing done. Had eh come over just for a day and spend the day wandering around with em looking for sale items. I actually was hoping that after being around eh, would be able to find more flaws in em and that will be that. But that wasn't the case =.= first thing was eh had the same kitty collection... and have the same freaky taste in wierd things like coats, chocolates, and crystals... so get back and help em move craps to have em flip on the tv to the Discovery channel.. I don't know if I should laugh of cry.

Suddenly I feel like cream cheese.

Beside the point. I will leave things be and watch things in the side like a movie. The negatives I can think of now is the tag switching. But besides that, only to learn more positive things about em... sad sad.

Was just on youtube and it's funny now they got the wide screen thing going now. I got half of the book read. But I need to contatntly remind myself that I love all the same, no more or less, but I need to love myself as well. I can never forget about my self.

Okay, so how is it I am worng as usual? But eh is just stressed about accounting. Really do just need to trust em. Be understanding.

=)

(Oh such a smexy advertisment pose) It's all I can say. First malay pulled through and at least showed up. I got some hot choco and a cookie. The cookie made my tummie a little rummblie, but it's all good. Then won Red Lobster gife card woo. Then to check email to find out the econ assin has been pushed back to next week omgz. So it means more time to work on my research for other classes. And pretty much the only low point of today was eh didn't pick up as usual =.= that loser bum. But it seems to always have a some what good excuse. I won't let you down. I will truely do my best and be understanding.

Uriel

I am in so much pain. Maybe it's all stress pain. But I am starting tog et back into Big Bang, but it's not helping me do much for I feel like I have gotten nothing done. Looking at econ is driving me nuts already. Hopefully tomorrow things will look more clear.

Supernatural was good. Oh my smexy angel. He has that cool smothering look that is to die for. But first my ankle is in pain and now left shoulder. I don't know what to do about it. But I feel like I should just cut my losses and pack it up for the day. Get some rest and hopefully tomorrow will be more productive. No, not hopefully. It will be. I will make sure it is.

I really can't be so stingy on the printing. If you really need it then print the crap out. It will all be taken care of. So please get som rest and some peace.

I'm so Sorry but I Love You

..but I love you more..

Manglish really is the same as Singlish. Really so does sound like em. It's freaky and made me think of em. And then I come across Big Bang - Lies. Presentation is not too much of a concern. It will all be over before I know it as long as I got some of the enouncation figured out. If I knew better I should have switched it, I mean fliped the slides around. But there's no learning in doing anything easy. But was it him or was it someone else? Well from what Palacco saids, he said it was someone else. But he seemed confused. Even if it was him, it wouldn't matter. He seems alright. Acceptable. As long as he does his own part. Maybe it's time for me to visit Malaysia? keke. And Seven it so yummies too. No matter, focus. Now to decide to help or not. I should go check it out anyways.

Peace and Happiness

How free you are when you lose things. The delusion of control. omg the other day I was all delusional and there it is again. her hair is nice. I was something like that. A work in progress. A reflection of what has concurred today. I think I scrwed up my assignment. I am sure I have to process correct, but the numbers are not churning out properly. Besides that, looking at econ freaks me out. But I will have to look at it either way and just try before I end up kicking myself later. I found some colorful construction paper today. I am not sure where it's from. It was laying (ha see one of my blogs were actually useful =P) on the edge of the recyling bin. So colorful, so nice, so simple. I like it. reminds me of simplier times. I think things are really that simple, it's just everyone is making things out to be more complicated than they are. It's a perception that easy and simple things are not worth doing. It's only the ... and my train of thought was disturbed by an email from someone that was no help at all. But I welcome all and any kind of help. You know this is one of thoes times that I can worry all I want and think all I want and yet I can't do anything. I can only wait for the situation to change. It's always changing. Wait till the time is right.

So I am going to be busy sending email tonite. I just noticed that I don't get any emails on the school email. It's finny. Maybe they got a really good filter. Relax and sit and not try so dam hard to change the world and let it be. I will trust them. I am looking and econ and I don't seem to be getting anywhere.

If I were a Boy

Maybe I done enough for one day and deserve a rest for tonight. okay can't say I didn't try to look for the prof on facebook =P It's kind of chilly in this room. Well I would have cc his a copy of the emails, but what's his face had to add in the comments about me. So I decided not to. Am I really fine without you? I really want to be. It's taking its toll on me. Have to let em all go. It's truely is Delusional. But what's really rediculious is that prof didn't even know who was the one that talked to him or the one that's helping out. Moe Lou Sum. Guess eh is not the only one. I noticed the same thing about the prof. But what's he up doing so late? Oh ick I just imagined prof in his undies or something lol But at least he's timely to respond unless you know who *hint hint* And they were not even that dark and the oder was just intoxicating. This chair hurts, not so comfortable.

And what am I waiting for? Seems all so useless. But it's not for me to say. And oh I just ador this kitty. Gotta love Disney. Now I am starting to feel physical pain. Who knows what's going on with them all today. Why you must punish yourself? Goodness it's almost 1 again. Guess I would want to go before it gets too late again. Oh well. You know what? If it mattered, I wouldn't be in this situation.
If I were a boy, wouldn't it be nice. Just think about myself. Be selfish for once. No matter what you but yourself through no one else would know or care. You are only punishing yourself. Head is really itchy, really gotta wash it.

I am really done playing. Please let me go.

Delusional

I was continplating whether if I should help or not but I don't want to get a choice out of ill will. No need for revenge. Delusion. Not sure why but I really like the hair in this one. But I don't think I got the hairline for it. But it never hurts to try.

A delusion is commonly defined as a fixed false belief and is used in everyday language to describe a belief that is either false, fanciful or derived from deception.

Karma will get the bastard. It's the one of the few things that keeps me going. Or will it get me first? XD

I was just looking at the next Econ assignment and it looks like a tough one. I mean there are so many parts that I think this one should be worth a lot oh points. I feel cold and yet warm.

Today I think for the most part I got Estate done. And I just finished up Phil. I leave it in Gods hands now what happens to it. I think I really did try this time to put some effort into it. But somehow I feel as though I am still lacking. I do feel tired. Maybe it's a chance to take some rest. But taking breaks do help. Gives me a new perspective on things. But this week seems so long. It actually is.

It's funny how I was seeking the phone and tomorrow it mentions it. We shall see. The weekend I fear. But it should be fine. It will be here soon enough and you can worry about it then. It all comes soon enough. Care about the things that are here already before you pass you by as well. I am kind of sad that the phone is chiped. I must be careful. Cherish when it was whole.

Cruel Intensions; Nutter

Now it's not doing what you think is good, but doing what you think is bad but might be good for you. The do on to others as you would want them to do to you does not apply well here as treat others as they treat you. I know honestly no one would do that for me. Or least not even consider or go out of their way to. But considering that eh did miss out on not one but two quizes and I totally failed on one of them. And yet we don't get any resultes on any of them.

I can't say I like the pop beat for Mirotic. Anyways, at least they are pleasent to look at. Goodness they look so good. But other than that, the day doesn't look too well. I so need a smoothie to sooth things today. I feel like I should go quick grab one but I know I can't drink in Phil. And then after Phil I want to peep at the BCIS talk. Oh what to do. Decesion decession decesions.

I want a netherball. I'm not sure what it is, but something a hermit crab would live in. I needed to listen to decesions again because I wans't sure what to do about em. But it gave me a clear answer. But I want to make sure I do it right or properly. I will continue this at a latter moment.

Ajahn Beef, Because I Can

Ha, is that not the most harlirious thing I have read all day given that today has only started. But is there a reason why my pick jacket kinda smells like fishie? I'm trying to remember if I did or did not bring this one to fishing. But now that I think about it. I think I did. Now I am left without my blue and white jacket. I really do feel like a big pink jet puffed marshmellow. Oh well. No matter because those who mind don't matter and the ones that don't mind matter. And that's how it is. There seems to be no apreciation. Or at least prof is kind off in his own thing. guess can't go talk to him unless he talkes to you. Else he too is also in his own little world.

It's funny I feel as if this has all happened before. Metting ema nd doing this presentation. Or is this all to vivid in my imagination? I am not sure what to make out of it. DBSK has a new don't. Can't say I like the lyrics, but it has this really grovy tune.

Okay it's super offocial. Eh does know freaking everyone and it hit the all mighty 400. You telling me mr busy didn't add them all ye right lol Can't be that possibly popular, can? If so then I need to discover eh secret. We'll see about that.

Eh finally called. I didn't really expect it, but if eh wants to play then we shall play. You can't out play mi =P I rule this game =P I'll show you. You will see. Lesley Roy- Unbeautiful is an interesting song. You know after talking to em it seems the weekend won't be that bad. I maybe able to shop on my own with mummy and even work. How beautiful. See how things just work out seemingly effortlessly.

I am very disapointed about my paper. There's still a chance, but still it's absolutly atrochious. I have time tomorrow to work on it. And I have Estate HW.


"This is me, I am unchangable"

I want to look good naked

Scope:
You seem to be always in the right place at the right time and there is no need to feel regret or shame about things that have happened in the past. Turn negative experiences into lessons for a better future. Even though you may not be able to change a certain situation, you can at least change your reaction to the situation.

This is not something of sort I wanted to know. But it reasures me of something. It's something I really beleive in and try to live not just today by it, but of everyday.

Taro:
Whatever you’re trying to do, the High Priestess and the Hermit slow you down and encourage you to take a break from your relentless onward course. Why? So that you can move forward all the more quickly tomorrow! You need to think hard about your approach and reflect on your working methods and relationships. Don’t worry – in the long run you’ll gain from this slowing of the pace...

I really do hope this is true. I do fell really tired of late. I really do want to get things done, but it doesn't seem to be going my way. I will try tonight.


For some reason this picture caught my eye. Maybe because he's really cute XD but can't go worng with a little eye candy. Who knew he's malaysian. He does have a really pretty face. So today got a call from Ian. I do owe him a call. I will call him back tomorrow. And also finally got a responce from one of the malays. Think it's the one I met. Either way. Have so many things to do. Oh what to do first.. So lets list them out...

Econ graphs
Estate Homework
Study for Mkrting
Phil paper 6
Malay powerpoint
Credit Default Swap

Now that they are listed and I can see them. It doesn't look so bad after all. Seems like just minor things. There is more to the list. But these are just the nagging things. And now to put them in order later.

Perfectly Coiffed Hair

... so was it really studying? I guess it's possible. It does kind of make sence if it was testing all week. And eh's really feeling bad about it. But can't keep on coming up with excuses. Really can't. It did releive some stress, some concern. Either way it's okay. I am glad I took some action. But I need to be very careful when talking to em.

Lay and Lie

I really do need an angel like him to save me XD

So I read an interesting artical on the words Lie and Lay. From my understanding, if there's an object, then you can Lay it down like Lay and egg. But the action itself you can Lie down, or Lie in the sun. Sure it sounds simple enough. Now it's only a question how long can I remember it. And what else, so I read my scopre for tomorrow and it's pretty much telling me to do this presentation. But I am feeling a bit weezie about it. Who am I doing this for? Who am I trying to impress? For awhile I thought it might be for him. But on second thought it's for prof and for myself in a way. But the fear of screwing this up crept up on me. Even if I did, sure no one will really say anything. We shall see how this works out. It just accured to me that Jermy has a malay restraunt. And hmm what else. I need to mainly get econ HW donw tomorrow for the most part.

I Will Fix This

When you Screw up and No One saids Anything
Expereince is what you get when you don't get what you wanted.
Brick walls are there to give us a shance to show how badly we want something, they are there to stop the other people.
If your index finger is shorter than your fourth finger, it means you had a lot of testosterone in utero.
Loyalty is a two way street.
You can't get there alone, beleive in good karma.
Tell the truth, Be earnest, Apologize when you screw up, Focus on others, not just yourself.
Don't bail, the best gold is at the bottom of barrels of crap.
Brick wall lets us show out detication, to seperate the ones who don't really want to achieve.
Don't complain, just work harder.
Be good at something, it makes you valuable
Find the best in everyone, no matter how long you have to wait.
Be prepared. Luck is preparation meets opportunity.

So I watched the Last Lecture. It was interesting. It had some slow parts. But overall not bad. I kinda expected something more out of it. But I went away from it with some good points. I don't feel like talking to Lulu today, she's just being nosie.

Today talked to someone today. Someone I didn't really expected for like 40minutes and I was wondering how I was going to use up that hour I had left and there it goes. See how things have a way of taking care of itself. But not like I couldn't roll over thoes minutes either. But I am proud of the way I handled it. I could have turned all jeckel and hyde on it but I am glad I didn't. At least the old me might have. Give them something they don't expect. Give them the last thing they expect and leave them speechless. Don't give them the honor of being what they expect. be the unexpected and catch them off guard. I am full of surprises. It maybe the sweetest kind of revenge. Regret. It's something I wanted at the beginning. It has been in the making for a long time. But it has finally come full circle has it? Has my pacients paid off finally? Has the seeds I planted a long time ago finally becomes something? We shall see. Finally got a real sorry. Made my makeup run. So mean. So what to do? There is nothing to do. At least it's not my concern. I got the global business thing to be more concerned about it more than that. That will work itself out.

Tomorrow I look forward to. I know I have not been eating much. But tomorrow should be fun. Get to go to Target and look for coat with simmy and get to go home. But looking at this Econ and it's not working with me right now. I really can't for the life of me remember how it works. Gosh darn it. Out of all the notebooks I can leave behind I leave the one I need. This is so not good, my back has been hurting and I am not sure from what really. I mean I sit like I usually do. But the pain.. Maybe I really do need to sit up more straight before I really do curel up into a shrimp. And at the same time I am getting really tired. But I am slowly getting stuff done. This global business stuff is really starting to bother me. I mean as of right now I know nothing. Either way it will work itself out. Get some rest self, goodnight.

Spitty

Word of the day comes from KSTP weather guy describing todays weather as spitty as to wet fluries of snow. Today finally get some decent amount of visible snow. Okay so that image isn't flurries. But at least there's snow. Okay this one is better. A wee bit creepy with the spider. Finall got an email from Polacco and with this week full of bad news, finally some good news. Got a better than expected grade on the second test. There's still hope. Means I need to get started on rewriting test answers. I look outside and I can see snow flurries. It's nice. It has a nice calming effect. Sadly library is not open today, was going to do Eviews. There's always tomorrow. It's no nice outside, it's snowing so much. Don't have much to say now. Time passes by so quickly. It be all over before you know it. I know I am scaring myself right now. And maybe it's the fear that keeps me on my toes.

Loveless, Hopeless

I don't beleive in Love (not the romantic kind at least). It's the sone that's on Leno right now performed by Dito. I'm myself in my room since roomy went off to a party of some sort. One of the few times I get to be in here myself. So I need to be greatful for this time. This is more of less how I feel right now. More or less indifferent. Loveless, Hopeless. Seems to be a more appropiate title. The nail NYC is so bad. I don't even want to use it again and I am so tempted to toss it. Maybe I should to save myself some trouble and time. I just noticed that no one has made fun of Obama at all. No one seems to have any kind of dirt on him. Or do they dare not to say anything bad in fear of being called a raciest.

Omg these look so good. Makein me so hungie. I am so ready for Christmas. Snickerdoodles should be tasty. The ones at Cub are nummies. But can't say the bee crackers are tasty. Thoes are just bad.

They really add color. It's nice. It's so uncomfortable to type here, but it keeps me warm.. Maybe it will help me to get this done faster. So tired, so tired for now apparent reason. Just dwelling over something I am not doing anything about. Goodnight self.

Are you Pondering what I am Pondering?

On the side note, I was going through photos and it just amde me realize how they have such bad tastes in guys. I mean they are really fuglie. I guess they could be really nice or something, but they are just hidious. That type of guy usually has some sort of asian fetish. But is it so worng? To have an perference? I mean like I do as well. But it's not like I can't apreciate a good looking cracker and I would find all asians attractive. Because they are not. Something to ponder about. For some reason it really disgustes me. I mean I would be fine if she at least found a good looking one, but he's not even close. It really makes me sick, really sick.

I know I am not doing well. Lord help me. Help me find the way again. Less thinking and more doing, pause to ponder and then keep going. Make frequent stops if you need, but never stop moving. So help me God.

Disapointment

My God, how did I manage to do so poorly? Today is really a bad day. I feel like with drawing from everything and just have everyone leave me the fak alone to do my work. I really need to get on top of things now. I guess it's a usual, better late than never. But it hurts, it really hurts. Is it punishment for douting? Is it punishment for not following through on my end? Or is it temptation? It maybe all of the above. I pray to my Lord for guidance in these dark time. May I find the light and be what you want me to do. In my darkest times, it was you that got me through it. I hope and pray for the same. I dare not to ask for me. But in desperate times, I need to have faith and follow your guidance.

I know I have failed you, I know I have let you down. But give me a chance. I know I can do great things for you. Please give me another chance. I will not disapoint you. I promise you that. Help me find the strength to get through this.

Loss

Taro - The cards of Death and Temperance indicate a rupture or a loss that will cause you great pain.

Scary eh? I have once agaon few words to day. Maybe it's because of the cold or the chill in the air. Who knows maybe later there be a renew sense of my surroundings later. For now lets wash it away and rest on it.

Evil

Well at least that answers my question. It's not exackly what I expected, but it's a good thing.

So gey pong likes pink. He's so gey he don't even like boys and keeps insisting on the gey bar.

Spiffy

I have concluded today that I decided to take a different turn and to take a step back from what I am doing to gather myself to find out what I am doing. I am starting to get back into drama. It's surely much better than reality. But I can't live there always. But it's nice to get away sometimes. I don't have much to say today, I have many things troubleling me today so I wanted to do somethinga little bit different. In the morning I will get back on task. So many things to do and so little time. I feel very disapointed and such a failure. Either way it's time to go now. Goodnight self.

Rediculous

Well I guess I wasn't listening or I wasn't thinking that going to a conference that's for like 3 days wasn't it. Can take that time off to go to that thing. Well poo on him. At least the phone worked today. So at least I know there should be at least no technical problems with it for now. Else I don't know what was wrong with it. But right now I am really feeling really adjured. Really bothered. I really do not like sitting here. But not like I have much of a choice. I really do feel like moving or at least sleeping on it. But I willa fter I get through this chap and then over the equation for Estate and call it a night. It's still early I know. But I don't feel like I have gotten anything done. I am so troubled. What to do. This usually helps. Maybe I do really need to move. And I also feel the need to clean up. I am feeling really stressed out right now. So lets try to get this all done and get it over with. It will all soon be over. I can feel myself freaking out. Soon soon it will all before you know it. I dont' want you to regret anything. I know if I can get the tough stuff down tonight, the memorizing can happen tomorrow in the morning and I snag some candy. After tomorrow things will be better. I am starting to keep on top of things better. Even to my surprise got Econ started and graphs all punched out and marketing notes punched out as well. I am just nice enough to share. No harm, no loss. I think I maybe did try to start this too soon or maybe try to do too much at one time. I need to do something different. The marathing studing doesn't work very well when I start to break down and start to freak out. I need to go back to what works.

Such arragant people. Don't even think or do any research before they spout out stuff. I mean to get it all taken away? What have you lost? You don't even freaking know then how can you say you have lost anything? Investment? You know the dangers of stock and there are no garentees and it could all disapear over night. What has Abama done to you to make you spu such posperious skum. I think I have more than given up on people. I'll just keep to myself but doens't mean I don't love you all unconditionally just as long as none of you get too close, I do bite after all *chomp* I will just admire you from afar and strive to be all I can be in what ever value I see in you. And take away what I can. For now give it a rest. Lets see if you can even get in and out before 2. Goodluck, send lots of love. All very unconditional.

omg that's too funny. I am really starting to think he is really gey he has become a fan of Mark? lolz omfg... really is too funny, you really can't make this stuff up. Just halarious. Oh well. It's all good, goodnight my dear.

Mirotic

Ha lets talk about my new obsession. It's really starting to catch on like a virus or a bug. Infection I tell ya. They are really smooth and if that's really them singing live then they are very good at what they do. We'll see how long this last. I really do admire them, think I can be cool like that? hehe working on it. For now I gotta work on what I need to do or at least plan it out so I don't end up staying up all night and day working on this.

And omg Ashely, the one from UMD and really liked King Author, omg.. she really has ballooned up. What the heck. It's hard to say what happened. And that suddenly reminds me of Nikki, wonder how she is doing. But for the life of me I can't remember her last name. Oh well who knows maybe it will come to me. Omg I love this song. Okay so now it doens't help that my back is starting to hurt now. But soon it be all over, but I want to get at least the concept down so the rest of the time will be pure memorization and recognition. But the math part I need to understand it above anything else. So the phone issue. Well either tomorrow I figure out something is deathly worng, or I chew him out lol So either way it's going to be fine. Rain has such a boyish look this time around. It's the boyish haircut. Either way, strive to be like them. Oh well I do kinda feel better that I did finish phill, but not disguession. So maybe I should finish that up first. Or now. Oh ick lolz bump into a fuglie pict of oh ickies, it's a sign to get off lol But anyways, got some what disgussion finished or at least done for today. Just so fuglie and that's not only the wrose part, even more fuglie inside and out. Funny enough ice_is_hot is not that bad from that angle. Oh dear I don't like what it has to say about tomorrow how I won't get much done.

Anyways I got a feeling won't be showing up for class. After all this isn't a class that's worth showing up for. Either way I don't have time this week to play note taker. At least not till after wednessday aka doomsday. Well seee how far I get. I don't like what I am doing, but so many things right now are bothering me especially not getting econ done. I want to try to dance like DBSK, thoes moves it is possible to follow along since they do so many live shows.

For now lets try to get some rest just like oh my goodness XD Get some rest self, no one will take care of you so you must take care of yourself and give yourself what you need at the same time punish yourself, to teach and train. I have been dealing with him much better now days. If it's anything important, there are ways, it all depends on how badly you want it. So one more time and it's time to go. They are just nice to look at and to play with. Anything else will just cause you to stry from the path. I have already strayed, so I need to get back on track my dear.

Phone I will see if it's a sign or maybe there really is a problem. I haven't been here for this long in a long time. I am just troubled today. Hopefully things be better in the morning, sleep well.

Tummie

So the tummie isn't feeling very well today and I haven't been blogging or anything for the weekend. I been very frustraited about my skin this week, but it seems to have gotten better. Now only if I wasn't so oilie. I been stressing about not getting things done and I paralizes me to the point where I can't do it anymore. I know I am freaking out and I fear the failure. But fir sure at this rate I will fail if I don't do anything about it. I am in pain. I want to do something but I feel and fear it maybe too late and I am so tired. I know it's the stress that is tiring me out. I still have econ to do and I haven't even done it yet. I feel like I should skip this assingment. But I also have work to do on finding answers for previous mgmt test. I was slightly bothered by cu goong. No comment on the scope today ^^ I got issues. But nothing I can't handle. I want to take some time to think.

Stupid boys. Got a call from the arse today. But I don't think it was meant to be, by the time I heard the phone it was because it was a missed call. Do I don't know, maybe he hung up after the first ring and changed his mind. I was right there, don't know how I could miss it. But then agian it wasn't the first time. Also missed jerks call to but it's not like I didn't try, just wasn't meant to be. Don't try to controll anything. Things will be as they should be. Things have been unsetteling. I am not sure why, Things have not been going so well. Somethings you just have to take care of yourself. Hopefully as long as I try, things will be better.

Hate

oh my goodness so handsome XD It's all the eye candy I need ha. I know I so do need this button to remind me of no hate and to remind myself that this is all a test of my patients. It's all a choice, no one can make be be or act in a way I don't want to. I don't need to feel too sympathetic towards him. He makes his own choices too and deals with his own consequences. A part of me hopes he did poorly, but at the same time not. So no matter how he does, I be happy with the results. I don't want to be around people more dull than me but at the same time I want to be better. So either way it's a good thing. But for some reason when I saw him today, I was angry. But I can not let him get the better of me. No matter, at least the only thing I can take away from this is, "I don't care, whatever" lol. You know what? That so didn't answer my question. He doesn't even have the years right. Or does he? We'll see and test how much I can remember. Goodness what's with the noise.

Lets consider what I have to do, I should at least ..

Bring mgmt back text and all so I can figure out old test answer and thoes answers won't matter if I don't get the answers right on the next one. So lets do that.

The two FIRE classes I have more than enough to study off the notes.

Finish the marketing surveys. For some reason today I been spelling marketing with a g. weird.

Do outline and Phil paper 5 with discussion.

I really want to visit kitty this week. I miss the little bugger. It's all such a delacate balance.

It's all really taking a toll on me, really testing and driving my pacients to the limit. Oh god tell me what am I to do? I really do need a sign now. Is this a test my my temptation? I can tell you he's really a turn off. If that's what should happen I can tell you it's working. He's an arsehole. No wonder he has no friends. I can see why.

Oh ye I almost forgot that I have some pumpkins to chop up to get it all out of me. Maybe it will do me some good to do some choppin. November chopin that is XD I will figure it out, have faith. May I be guided. Thanks for trying. And oh ye, yay finally some airtime minutes, thankies =) I am greatful.

Shiets

Aww shiets, how can I do so poorly, I kinda want to know which questions I got worng so I can fix it for next time. But to have the class avg at 40/50 and I only got a 42/50 and was that like the same as last time? Or just one better? Aww shet and I didn't even study as much last time. How can I do so shiety. I can only guess I did get the two mixed up. Aww craps or I shouldn't have changed it which I will never know the answer to that or maybe changing the answer did give me back that one point. okay it's offocial, he's gey lol. No matter, checked scope and it saids You will not give up or back down easily. For some reason the score did not deter me. I'm not sure why. I do need to change something, I got the same freaking score. *sigh* Gotta change something. Something needs to be different. One thing at a time for now. I do it all for me now. I still gotta work for it. Can't be like him. Jerk waste my minutes and then skip out on class? How rediculous. What's going on in his head? Something has to change this time for sure. So it starts today, one day at a time. As long as I know I did try my best, whatever result I get. But I really want to do well and not have to kick myself. I did try this time. But I think I could have still done a little bit more. If I got 4 more questions right I could be so much more contest. So how just 4 questions can cause you so much pain.

Bored

I really do need something to do, but it's like it's so much I don't even know where to start. But I really show work on the management answers. But I know it can kinda wait, but well oh ye, I should type out estate either way since what's his face needs it. So lets get that done and I guess I can look at disgussion after it. So that's the two minute plan for now.

But before I start on that, I want to reflect on that LSF seems like a waste of time. The guys are not that nummies either way and I got stuck with you know who. I really do need my time alone. But either way, I know I can make sure of the time and choice that I am given. It really is all people stuck in their dung. I am so tempted to try to pull them out of their dung, but I know it's all futile. they want to be there, they choose to be there. I know you are kind and soft hearted, I know you want the best for them and want them to be well. I try to reach out to them, but they push me away. So I let it be. I can't turn a blind eye. I know what is going on. I can not deny it. And things seem wierd. It's really him going adding them all. What kind of person does that? It's attention freak. Maybe it's a test. No different than the other, than the first. It all really does seems like a test. It is wishful thinking. You want them to be a certain way and are ignoring all the signs. Like I said before, there are qualities I admire in him. But seeing how he's handling failure really deters me. I think I am better off sticking with my own way. It seems okay. I did try it his way and failed miserably. I can try it in a modified approach, but it didn't seem to work well either. I think it's always running around in my head. And when it doesn't go as expected, the disapointment sets in. I am better off this way. I mean today good news I saw my fav pointy A in my paper. It has been a long time old friend. I do need to take my own path. I will accept his answer. Acceptance is the way. I don't want to live life as in a fast car watching things go by quickly. As much as I don't like the answer just like the grade, I will accept it and move on. I can take no for an answer. I can and I will. I will find something better, but to see the beauty in someone. Maybe I shouldn't give up so easily. I want them to see how beautiful they are, how wonderful they are and how important they are to someone and to value themselves. But he did tell me to go kill myself =.= So maybe it's not such a good thing. Oh well leave it be. BEcause it so so tragic and so painful, you don't want to leave. It's so difficult to leave when you have been there for a long time and are use to it for so long.

I seem so ill willed sometimes. I am trying to manipulate the situation to get what I want. And when I don't get what I want, I revert back to what I was. I really don't want to go back there. I really don't want to. Everyone seems so fake. It's not like I am any better. But I jsut don't want to be like them. It's hard to find someone you want to be like. I only see what I don't want to be. And they are not always right. Just stuborn people.

Stillness. I'm a beautiful person, I'm a beautiful person, oh shit I'm not. haha It takes so long to convince people that they are alright. But is that my job to? We have this force of inadicuatecy, it's okay to accept it. Selfesteam to parise in ones self. You have a garden, if you water the weeds, it's what grows and takes over the garden. If you water the flowers, the fows grow and take over. it's what you water and focus on. Temperance.

Really think today is a good day for a movie. Even the msn scope saids so. Hopefully find some inspiration in it to guide me. Taylor Swift I was never a big fan of hers, but it's nice Love Story. You think any of it can it ever be true for anyone? Such a fairytale if it ever existed. It's okay to dream, learn to let it all go. No expectation, I do it not for anyone but just because I am.