Bored

I really do need something to do, but it's like it's so much I don't even know where to start. But I really show work on the management answers. But I know it can kinda wait, but well oh ye, I should type out estate either way since what's his face needs it. So lets get that done and I guess I can look at disgussion after it. So that's the two minute plan for now.

But before I start on that, I want to reflect on that LSF seems like a waste of time. The guys are not that nummies either way and I got stuck with you know who. I really do need my time alone. But either way, I know I can make sure of the time and choice that I am given. It really is all people stuck in their dung. I am so tempted to try to pull them out of their dung, but I know it's all futile. they want to be there, they choose to be there. I know you are kind and soft hearted, I know you want the best for them and want them to be well. I try to reach out to them, but they push me away. So I let it be. I can't turn a blind eye. I know what is going on. I can not deny it. And things seem wierd. It's really him going adding them all. What kind of person does that? It's attention freak. Maybe it's a test. No different than the other, than the first. It all really does seems like a test. It is wishful thinking. You want them to be a certain way and are ignoring all the signs. Like I said before, there are qualities I admire in him. But seeing how he's handling failure really deters me. I think I am better off sticking with my own way. It seems okay. I did try it his way and failed miserably. I can try it in a modified approach, but it didn't seem to work well either. I think it's always running around in my head. And when it doesn't go as expected, the disapointment sets in. I am better off this way. I mean today good news I saw my fav pointy A in my paper. It has been a long time old friend. I do need to take my own path. I will accept his answer. Acceptance is the way. I don't want to live life as in a fast car watching things go by quickly. As much as I don't like the answer just like the grade, I will accept it and move on. I can take no for an answer. I can and I will. I will find something better, but to see the beauty in someone. Maybe I shouldn't give up so easily. I want them to see how beautiful they are, how wonderful they are and how important they are to someone and to value themselves. But he did tell me to go kill myself =.= So maybe it's not such a good thing. Oh well leave it be. BEcause it so so tragic and so painful, you don't want to leave. It's so difficult to leave when you have been there for a long time and are use to it for so long.

I seem so ill willed sometimes. I am trying to manipulate the situation to get what I want. And when I don't get what I want, I revert back to what I was. I really don't want to go back there. I really don't want to. Everyone seems so fake. It's not like I am any better. But I jsut don't want to be like them. It's hard to find someone you want to be like. I only see what I don't want to be. And they are not always right. Just stuborn people.

Stillness. I'm a beautiful person, I'm a beautiful person, oh shit I'm not. haha It takes so long to convince people that they are alright. But is that my job to? We have this force of inadicuatecy, it's okay to accept it. Selfesteam to parise in ones self. You have a garden, if you water the weeds, it's what grows and takes over the garden. If you water the flowers, the fows grow and take over. it's what you water and focus on. Temperance.

Really think today is a good day for a movie. Even the msn scope saids so. Hopefully find some inspiration in it to guide me. Taylor Swift I was never a big fan of hers, but it's nice Love Story. You think any of it can it ever be true for anyone? Such a fairytale if it ever existed. It's okay to dream, learn to let it all go. No expectation, I do it not for anyone but just because I am.