Chasing the Chimera

Taro
Things are looking rather grim in your love life today. Hard as you might try, exerting your willpower or authority, emotionally, things are on an ebb. With the Hermit representing the people around you, there is not much chance of them opening up, or making an effort. In fact, they are ignoring your gestures of affection and your attempts to be nice and sociable. But do not despair. Tomorrow is another day, and what you give today will bear fruit some time later, dear Melly..

Scope
With Venus conjunct Pluto, you'll have to contend with volatile emotions and could have difficulty coping. Chances are, others will not be aware of your inner turmoil because you will keep to yourself more than usual.

Gosh, sure sucks. And it was suckie. Sherlockhomes wasn't that good, it wasn't that bad, but not that good either. Things are tough now. I don't know how long this feeling will last. I don't know how to deal with it yet. I am trying to find the answers. I don't know how to let it go. I do not know if knowing more will help.

Snow

Do I want the snow to go away? I am not sure what I want. I know I am drowning in my own turmoil. I am running things in my head that I should not, I think. Like scope saids, like I am driving with the emergency breaks on.

~Pace Changer~
That was a nice pace changer, really it was. Who knew something so simple could lift me. That noodle. Was there just in time. Really something isn't it? Was part of something, but now is different. But it's something I still want to try to keep in touch with. Who knows, maybe one day. I was feeling like I was going insain for a moment. The snow is really dashing my hopes.

~Frustration~
Was so hopeful earlier in the day. And then gone. Frustration I guess. Should not take it out on anyone. But I guess I feel like giving up at times and being left alone. I am very sad but I guess I can not do much about what the Lord wants. I do hope it's for the best and hope the Lord knows that. Think been day dreaming too much. I get tired of all this and want to be left alone. Get some peace of mind.

Brushing

It starts with brushing and so it ends the same way. I seem to be losing meaning and purpose in life. In a life you know will end. I recall when I was little why I didn't like to sleep. How when I sleep, I don't remember anything and I do not know if I will wake up. It could be the last and it could be the end. It's something you can never know.

Live like You're Dying

I'm not sure where it came from. But guess in a way we all really are. Some sooner than others. Scope saids to be creative today. Though right now at the moment I am not feeling much of it. But hopefully as the day wears on, I will and have more things figured out.

~Happiness~
Listened to an interesting talk on happiness today from MPR. Who knew it didn't have to be a weekend to hear good stuff. Everything is no music after all. I am cold today. I am not sure what to do to get myself out of this groove. Maybe I am better off on my own for a bit to get things down. Pin everything down and get my bearings. You can start by brushing your teeth.

Bluffing with my Muffin

Now that would be something. Well it's the truth isn't it?

On a side note: I thought I overpaid on the crock pot. But it turns out that the one I got was 5q and the one that's on sale is 3q. So all is good. And now what i thought to give out has been dashed. Oh well, will think of something eventually.

~The Unknown~
Somethings I wonder if it's necessary to say? Can't really know the reality that goes on around us. That's part of the mysteries of life. I don't believe for some reason. I wonder if I am being fair. But is anything ever fair? For some reason I get all upset and every fiber drop of motivation goes out the door. I become full of hatefullness. I really just want to not care. But I guess if it's not important to someone, why should I care? Guess nothing goes on much. Kind of forgot about the dad that found a job, but it more or less reminds of of how useless I am. I really want to try to get some things done. But I keep on delaying it and delaying it. I fear the worse.

I guess if you are really that busy then you are. I just hope you enjoy what you are doing. I really do not understand. Is it really that important? But then again you know how you shouldn't take anyone for any literal.

~Complain~
Is right in many ways is right. Think in many ways rather be left alone. Not to go chasing.

Gey

It's the only thing I can count on to drag me away from the hindrance and Poker Face. It has a good point. And here I am again. I guess things haven't been that today overall. There are thoughts that still cross my mind. Today, the thought crossed my mind and clung on for awhile and made things better in a way by making it easier to let go. Gay anyways, so what is there to miss? But I wish I knew. But it's all part of finding out. Since when has finding anything of this sorts easy?

As a side note, I still want to get a planner. I know I still got this little bugger. I got some things to plan and need to keep working. Keep getting things done. It may not be the quickiest, but it shall be done. I want less and to do more. For tomorrow, earlier this evening I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But later it was like it hit me and one at a time I knew what to do. Was it just not the right time? Is timing really that important? Is it really there is a time for things and it will come when it does? I know Poker Face has always been a fav. It's something I want to spire to.

I should hit things hard and fast like a man. A real man.

And it happens again. But gey seems to help. It makes it easier not to care. In a way, it But like math, lets try to simplify it.

Chicken

Tired, cold, and some more tired. Been doing some thinking. Bright lights have been hurting my eyes. I don't feel like brushing today. I hope to get some sleep and rest up to be more up to getting things done tomorrow.

Lies and Letting Go

I just want to know, but it really looks like there are things I should not know or I will know when the time comes. I don't want someone to convince me that this is something I want. I didn't want anything at all. I have being too hopeful. I am wanting too much. I need to get myself together. I need to reset myself. Do not live in delusion, do not act out of emotion and make decisions due to delusions. Do act in your own interest. Self sacrificing is not as noble as you thing. No one will think more of you for it. You are what you are my dear. No one else.

~Hair and Makeup~
Funny how the two combination can change a person. It depresses me how the only or should I say most of the times I type I am sad. How sad. How to change things.

I just checked the scope and it did mention change and how tech isn't getting through today. Just an hectic day. But this late? But I guess it hasn't really failed me yet. There's always one reason or another. Always remember, always keep in mind, I just just want everyone to be happy. I really do, including myself. Your own happiness is not something you can trade or offer to someone else. Please take care of yourself. You are so important to me. I need you more than anything.

~Change~
Think I need something else. Not sure what, but something different. Or maybe back to something. I look at it and I want to puke. Maybe just grab a bite to eat and grab some sleep. Then can maybe get an earlier start in the morning.

Pacients Once Again, This too will Pass

~Waking Dreams~
So I had 2 dreams this morning. One was about Liz, special ed Liz. I have wondered how she was doing and Randy. I remember the sign language and the beanies. I am not sure if it was part of the dream or just something I was thinking about. So I see her in like a blue sweater, just like how I remember her skipping away in a path away from me. I later find out she's going to grad school in WI. I am not sure if I running after her or if I was trying to catch up to her. But it more or less ended there.

The second one was shorter and to the point more. I was like dating Rain or something. But after his success, he tries to give me stuff, but I seemed not to want it. Like there was something going on that I didn't want his stuff. He shows me a bow gift set where it had 2 pair of wallets, one men and the other woman, 2 of each for morning and evening use. I am not sure why I didn't like it. I recall one on the bottom left for woman evening to be sparklie. But I remember after seeing it I try to walk away from it and at the same time he sometime b4 placed a necklace on me that was on a thin gold chain and had a small green arrow point like green stone at the end and he was lifting the necklace to show me like I had not noticed it because it was so small or to show others. Or to see if i noticed that it was even on since it was so light.I just remember not liking it. I am not sure if I didn't like him or the items more. I think it was more like him because according to that I like, I should have liked them.

But both are interesting. Think the first one is about the prospect of going back to school and the other how I feel about certain people. Funny how they appear in our dreams. It lets us know what's going on in our minds. But after hearing the phone call, it doesn't seem as bad. But can't say I am happy about it either. But I shall live with it and like everything in life, it will pass. Somethings sooner than others, but they all eventually do.

I want to put myself first. Take care of myself first. I know isn't easy, but it's something you need to do for your own well being.

The Solution

Is that not a power name?

I feel icky right now. Hopefully after a shower, I will feel better...

I shall come up with a good artical regardless of the outcome. I do so because I can. It's not taking away from anything really. Just taking things in a different direction. I get scared when I start not to care a bit. I worry how far this feeling will take me. Not like there is anything to be said. But there is an up side to the feeling is that it can get me through the tough times, but at a price.

~Big Tree, Little Tree~
I know it seems petty of me to be thinking of this at a time like this. It really is when everyone has their own thing to do. What they do with it is not yours to control. You just do your part, that's all. But what about supporting other roles? Is that your job too? Are you obligated to? Their success or failure is no on you. What you decide to do for them, ensure it is your own choice and not tied to in condition of a result, because you will not get it. The more you demand, the more specific you are, the more you plan, the more ways it can go wrong. Loosen up and be flexible. Be able to bend like the tree story.

~Waiting to React~
I think it's the best way to describe some things of late. For a few minutes, it was just a cup of tears. What if there was another? How will I deal with it? So I try to go back to that you want what's best for others and want them to do things that make them happy. If they are happy, how can I be sad? I am selfish for being sad for myself of a loss. Sad to lose something I never had. So did you really lose it? It's really how you see things. If it wasn't this time, there's always next time.

Truth

It's true. As hard as it maybe to face, it's true. Without it, what else is there? Emptiness.

Dang it, and I thought it was going away. But it comes back warmer.

Will this too pass?

Daily Planetary Overview

The Moon quincunx Neptune and Jupiter today may affect the implementation of your plans. Nothing will go as you had anticipated. Your faith may be in question due to a situation you are concerned about.

Your Horoscope - Today, Dec. 9, 2009
You are at a point of emotional climax right now, Melly. Things are coming to a critical point in which situations seem to first escalate and then suddenly collapse. Little issues in your relationships that you have failed to deal with openly are coming back to haunt you. It could be that someone is trying to cross you at this time, or maybe it just feels this way. Don't get overly paranoid. The whole world is not out to get you.

Works

I actually kind of want to spend a weekend on my own. It really has been awhile. At least been 2 weekends where I have not really been able to be on my own and not had the hussle and bussle of others around. When there's no one you miss it and when there's everyone you want to get away. We seem to want things you can not have. There are things to be done, things to put away, others to put away. Is it only things or people as well?

If you then what you knew now, what would you do?

The idea crossed my mind, and you knew what I meant. I worry still about catching something. Do I trust? Think about it first before you do anything, don't do anything out of haste or emotion.

Scary

Daily Planetary Overview

The Moon quincunx Neptune and Jupiter today may affect the implementation of your plans. Nothing will go as you had anticipated. Your faith may be in question due to a situation you are concerned about.

Your Horoscope - Today, Dec. 9, 2009
You are at a point of emotional climax right now, Melly. Things are coming to a critical point in which situations seem to first escalate and then suddenly collapse. Little issues in your relationships that you have failed to deal with openly are coming back to haunt you. It could be that someone is trying to cross you at this time, or maybe it just feels this way. Don't get overly paranoid. The whole world is not out to get you.

I knew it could get bad, but I didn't expect this to be the issue. It's hard to say why. How communications are not getting through. Guess are thinking of different things. Could be the stress of things. Does one not realize that seeing each other depends on other people? You can't risk jeopardizing that. At whatever cost, I want what's best for both ends.

~Sadness~
Funny how one person can affect another. But I must always remain objective. I am only still human and have not been oh what's it called, been enlightened. But always not act out of emotion. Loving kindness. You hate it when the term whatever comes up. So I try not to say it to others as a term used of not caring. so if you don't care, I can not force you to. Only to want the best for all.

I so need to stay away from material things. Keep me from being possessive. Keep me from wanting. I do not want to desire anything anymore. At least for now. I hope for things to get better soon.

~Tomorrow~
Oh dear, looking at tomorrow could mean traffic and other issues. Looks like it's going to be tough tomorrow as well.

Oh Nom Nom Nom

~Cookies~

Tired

Too tired to care.

Do what you say

What was sappose to be a catch up post turned into one for today and kind of ran into this one. I couldn't find the nail clipper after they left. Can only assume that it fell when stuff was knocked around. Me and my sticky fingers moving all over the place. Things really don't go that right do they? I skipped a day of scope.

• Bring a snake
• Bring a pen/pencil

Not sure what to make tomorrow, but I will think of something. `And look at the time now, almost 3. And I was hoping to get to bed early. You tell me how do I get up tomorrow? I think I type faster in the bathroom. Gotta do what you need to do. Hope tomrrow won't be too bad. Not a good time to do anything dramatic. Funny how he st. cloud morning show reminds me of eating breakfast at BK. Take care self.

Bordeaux Cookies

I was so sure I had another post going but I guess I may have confused it with the scope page. But did save the the scope page.

Daily Planetary Overview
With the Moon conjunct Mars, you may be quick-tempered and restless today. You won't have a lot of patience for delays and lines. You will react to situations in a confrontational manner. Save working with details for later.

Your Horoscope - Today, Dec. 6, 2009

You are an organized, disciplined woman, Melly. No one who knows you would disagree with this. But there are times in life when you need to let things loosen up a bit. This is just such a time. Forget about work, chores, and all your daily obligations. You have been working too hard lately. Live a little. Take this day as a complete holiday. Don't think of this behavior as being irresponsible; think of it as being human!

I think for the most part I knew it wasn't going to be an easy weekend and on the way back I more or less worked it out in my head. I think part of it was the expectations and the worry of that others will think. Besides that, it turned out alright. All within reason. Nothing was as bad as i expected it to be nor did the things I thought was going to happen happened.

So lets cleam myself up. For some reason I went nuts over the cookies. They are like they saw, so crispy and sweet caramel taste. I need to decide if I should just stay up and do things or get up early. It has been a long time since I have gotten up to do anything. Maybe it's something I need to get back into the habit of.

• Fix up coat (lots to do on that part)
• Look over stock funds
• Fill out aid paper

I know goes through a lot for me. Know is good to me. Actions must not go justified. It's unforgivable isn't it? I miss the radio. Where it go? ...

And so I find it and it was in worse condition than I last left it. I was sad, but at the same time determined to make thing better. Who knew the magic of turtle wax was right under my nose.

• look for song for lu (though I am not even what the song is besides an easy going john mayer type)

~Abuse~
There are other minor things I could also work on. But these seem to be the important ones. I found the mp3 player and saw the one pigeon got. It's nice and tempting. The price can only go down anyways and I also got one that does what it needs to do. Not like I look at it all the time and I would abuse it anyways. It really has been a long time since I have listen to the radio. I mean really listen to it and there are so many new songs. I didn't like the idea of plugging the ears. But as does old habits. Auto work mode seems to work well with it on. I really do need to find some sort of work. I wonder where the recharger cord went. Hope it's still with the computer.

~Volcano Mine Dream~
So I had this dream I was in charge of paying there valcano miner's pay to do this dangerious job of going into a valcano to do some job. I am not sure what, but I assume it's like real miners or it was some rescue thing. Was having a disagreement with how little they get paid for such a dangerious job which was $1 per job. Then to justify the pay, had a flashback with how years ago when it was black and white when the pay was a quarter. So there I was trying to find out of after so many years and inflation, was the pay enough for today in realative with past pay where I remember them saying how 25 cents was a lot then. Strange..

I Just Want to be Pretty

~Don't we all~
I worry dear compy maybe leaking electric and slowly zapping me to death. I am not sure. It could be the position as I am getting tired. I want to as quickly as possible get this all over with. As it's not very comfortable here and nor will it be getting any better. I will try not to worry so much. Try to want less and desire less. As for the kohls stuff I have been worried about, I will take care of it later.

• I will bring sweat shirt just in case we wander by
• Pills
• Towel
• Face towel
• Work cloths (though chances are I plan to get back earlier or just not so late)
• Bring aid paper
• Guess call Jay back
• Bring a pillow
• Bring mango juice
• Ink
• Target junks
• Box o Tea
• Tooth Brush (so dun like curr brush, much too big for my mouth)
• 
  
• 
  

That's all I can think of for now, guess it can't hurt to have snacks too. Can't let myself go hungie and grumpie. Can always expand the list. But I think it pretty much covers it.

~wORRY~
Today's title is kind of funny. Was watching a part of Oprah and talking about Good Hair and how at the root of it all (no pun intended) we just want to be pretty and desire. What we put ourselves through.

Gaga

~Fear~
And here it comes again the fear setting in. I guess it wasn't that bad except for the part where I worry that it was done so quickly I'm not even sure if it was done correctly. Got a call from some staffing place, though I'm sure it's a call because of the language thing. But I do not know if it's another dead end.

Turkey

~Long Ride~
Liz's place was nice. It wasn't bad at all. To bad bro didn't show up. Though for a slight while I was ever so slightly resentful. I don't want to be the bitch. But I can't help but feel that way slightly. Though I do not think it is reasonable to feel that way. So bitter, so resentful. But after talking, there came some understanding and I could feel the resentment being lifted. But a part of me wanted to hold on. But is it really as it seems?

Learned something about Lu that there was jealousy. Kind of the same way how I felt about Steph. After some time, I feel as though it's a lose cause. But try to understand that things do change and as does relationships.

Spent some time to try some Thai food > green curry all the way. Gotta find a way to make some. Who knew. But do I dare try to make it on my own? It's hard to say. I want to try anyways. But where to find green curry.

~Muffin~
Since it was the holiday, I didn't want to bother or bicker and just drove. I really didn't mind it much. Just the usual worry about getting lost. Else, it turned out alright.

Though on Monday I did go slightly nuts over a muffin. Not sure why. Maybe was being too hopeful and childish. Let my imagination get the better of me. To much thinking. To much dreaming as I reflect on some things that were said about. Most were true. sometimes you do need to be straight with some people. Not just some, with everyone including yourself. And not so much worry how they will react and think of what you said.

~Electric~
I feel as though my had is being electrocuted. Just the left hand. Not sure if it's just tired or something is really wrong like electric is leaking. It feels better when I take my hand away. Not sure what to make of it yet. Though for now I hope to sleep and get more done in the morning and feed myself. Give myself hope and motivation to keep moving. I recall a time when every week I would make something. I loved it and it kept me going. Keep me thinking what I was going to make next. I hope to feel that again.

Another Rejection

I guess I found out after more carefully reading it what I should have caught earlier. But to no a due. Oh well. So here I am waiting for maybe another 5 minutes to see that if it it could be dirt cheap so I maybe tempted to get a pair for fun. Not like the original price was all that high anyways. But more like for fun. Think I'll have a hard time getting it on anyways. Else not sure what to feel. Not like it was purpose peek, but it happen to be there and for me to happen to work on this, it happen to be gone. Not sure what to feel about some is things. I am tempted to talk and to get it all out. But I wonder at times what it will do if anything. Will it do more harm than good? I need to keep doing.

~Intuition~
It's funny how it's correct. Disappointment never fails to disapoint. Funny how it works. Is it what I create? But it's always the expectations. Can I not have any expectations? How can I not expect the best from myself? What about hope? Maybe it's more on doing and less on the result. Whatever the result is, can you not make do with it in one way or another.

Even when there was a time I should not forget how hopeless things seemed like. I can not forget. Whatever negative hopelessness, was able to be turned into strength and got through it.

Rejection Knocking on your Door

~Prayer~
So here I am again at that time of month again. I worry a lot. I think less of it will put me more at ease.

Wonder where everyone is these days. Not sure. But it doesn't matter much. They can figure it out.

~Kindness~
Put kindness in your mind before you open your mouth.

Grab your Pen and then Rape you

~Weekend~
Overall went well. As usual some down turns, but I wonder if that is what is really bothering me? Or is it because how others say it should be and it's not like that and that is what is bothering me? Else I really can't be bothered with such things. I got bigger fish to fry. I need to call back Fargo and things to send out. Else, it was fun with Lu. Go Chinese drunk karaoke parties. It was really fun minus the third wheel aspect of it. There are some things I want answered to now, but I know I need to be patient and the answer will come when the time is right.

A bright point is that I heard a song in Khols and then at Big Lot again last weekend. I had had a hard time remembering the tune and making out the lyrics. But somehow I guessed my way to the song. It's Amazing all that you can do.

~Dream~
I had a dream that somewhat relates to that saying would you be happy with ur lover and best friend got together? I can't say I would. But if I knew they felt something, I think I would. I would be angry not knowing, I can understand why they would keep it from me. Could be part of their plan or just something that happened. They never intended it, but wanted it, but didn't think it could happen or would. Never meant to harm. Not like they did this to spite you in any way. So can you be angry at such a thing?

Do it now.

Weekend Overview

I was nervous. So deathly nervous.

I just had a moment, I will discus it in further details later.

It's funny how I don't remember much of it. I guess it's not so much of what you say but what you do. There is still the lingering issue. I don't feel like counting the puzzle now. But since I can think of it now, I should just take care of the mouse... so I got most of the mouse taped up. Ridiculous birth as a flea in a robe.

~Fulbright~
I could technically work for a year and then go abroad to study for at least a year. Take this time to work on the mandarin and save monies. So it's an idea. I think i may want to work on this tomorrow. Think less and do more. An tue where I actually eat and to do other things.

Oppa

This morning I was really feeling all gun ho to get some things done. And now suddenly nothing. I feel like putting it off. But I really can not. But I did find a fun vid that ever so slightly renighted my love for kdrama. We shall see. You see people like her with ambition and going places over something seeminly so silly and making a living out of it. Can I do the same? It sure helps if you are purdy. Maybe I should work on that first. It seems a little forced. But yet even I start to believe it. Is that what I should do?

I actually found another shoe I wanted. It does seem better. Cheaper as well and the choice of going with a smaller size for now. wonder if I should go with a 7 or not? Or is 7.5 more than enough? Would being too small be too snug? A 7 is really snug. Me and my big feet.

For now lets get some things printed out, then clean out the fishies, and play with shoes.

Time

Is it really about timing? I am not sure. Maybe it be better to take things as they come. I was very tired today. I mean seriously extremely tired. I am not sure why. For some reason I knew at work today it was going to be quite. I really want to get more things done really I do. I at least got the email out. I feel less fear today. Though the hesitation is still there, it's not as bad as it was before.

~Listing~
As I go through the list, I think I am looking for break ups and want to talk about that kind of relations and not about other more serious pressing issues.

Don't Mash Her Head Back

I don't understand why I have this hesitation. It's so disabling. I can't get anything done with with this fear lingering over me like a dark cloud. The eats away at me. It has been awhile since I have felt this kind of fear. I guess of late I have been advoiding it. I have been cold. It could be the weather. But no matter what the result, it's best to know the final result so I can make more choices. I guess I do not have to make the choice now. It seems like there is always a meeting. But it can never be certain. Counter productive fear is. If they sense fear, they will act accordingly. If you didn't fear them, they can do no harm? Cycle of negativity that brings us harm. When it's not used to control people. A disease of the mind.

I guess I can save a minute or two and make the appointment in person. I think the first time I made the appointment it was over the phone. Or was it in person because I remember getting a card for it. What's the worse that ca happen? So you pay for it.

The more I read, the more I think it maybe best to go on that day. But I don't think it will take much time. More signs seem to be pointing to go later. Much later. Or to go out on your own. But if I had an appointment, I could be there uber early.

Fear pushed you in, fear made you fall. We make it happen too often. It's the fear that kills you.

• Talk to sim about making meatballs.
• clean up act
  

Temptation

Didn't write much this weekend after Friday since showed up. Found out something that I had confirmed. It can always be worse. Things just fell into place and you make do with what you got. You deal with the cards you are dealt with. At least got rid of that pesky eye sore yahoo bar. The weekend wasn't bad. It was an above average spendy one. At least wasn't tempted with by Express, but not from pants. And it got worse today. But most of it can't be bothered with.

Else been fairly tired this weekend and today. Hopefully get more things done in the morning. Just tired. Think most of it comes from worry...

Move forward without feeling guilty about your past decesions

This sure helps to make up the mind. At the beginning I was feeling bad about it. But now what has happened it seems to make things easier.

Muggles

Is there ever anything it's not blue? Saw a quick glimps of the future and it doesn't seem good. But in ways it's not go nor bad. It's just things are. a quick thought of romance raced though my mind for all of 2 minutes if even that. Yet I don't even know what I want myself. I need to take care of myself first and not depend on others to do so. For they will fall through and disappoint. t So next week it will be all me. Somehow the events leading up to it made it so. Else, it swoul1dn't be such a choice or at this point a must do. I know I need to do it soon before break I think. That way if anything doesn't go well, I have time to adjust to the unexpected. I try to leave wiggle room and not back myself into a corner. At the same time I feel I have no choice that I waited so long. Yet, I know I still have some time. Barely, but still time. At worse I pay for it. At least from what I have been told, I have till the end of the semester. Or I can just try to set an appointment there and get it done. Give yourself choices, give yourself room.

~Trips~
I am not sure if I have taken a trip and regret it. I am glad it is not today. I want to be as comfortable as I can. I need to ask if I eat first, but I should prepare and eat anyways in case of being fed monkey poo and I guess what time should be there. The rest either wouldn't be able to answer anyways and can figure out myself.

I am slightly disappointed at the date of it all. But it wouldn't make any difference anyways. Given the choices.

Daily Planetary Overview
This may be a challenging day with the Moon square Pluto and conjunct Saturn. Some of your plans will become derailed because of unforeseen difficulties. Many situations will require patience and tenacity, but you may get overwhelmed and want to give up.

Your Horoscope - Today, Nov. 12, 2009

You may find your brain buzzing like a beehive today, Melly. This is good. There is a great deal of information that you need to process at this time. Have you been thinking about buying some new electronic equipment or small appliances for your home? Now is a great time to do a bit of research on this project before you go out and lay down your credit card. Use this day to gather facts.

Now this is insain with the unforeseen difficulties in plans and the buying of new small appliance and doing some research on it. Truely crazy this is. What are the chances? Can I ignore this?

Toying

Daily Planetary Overview
Mercury trine Uranus will bring an excitable attitude and an interest in new ideas. Keep an open mind today, and be willing to listen to the viewpoints of others. You'll have to work hard to stay focused, so you may want to leave difficult or complicated tasks for later.

Your Horoscope - Today, Nov. 11, 2009

When faced with ten entrees on the menu, it may be hard for you to choose just one. Feel free to order two or more, Melly. Don't let indecisiveness hinder or slow you down. At the same time, don't view it as something negative. The key for today is to go with the flow. Expand your dreams as far and wide as you wish. Have fun as long as you are willing to take full responsibility for your actions.

Tarot reading for Melly:

Love: The Star

Touchstone: Justice

Career: The Chariot

You’ll be looking for harmony and equilibrium in your relationships today, dear Melly. You’ll be avoiding any kind of argument or quarrel with your family or friends. Under the aegis of Justice and the Star you are communicating with total sincerity, an attitude that adds to the sense of well-being that others experience in your presence. This is a good day for asking your loved one to marry you, if you’ve been toying with this option! In the professional sphere, you’re tempted to show excessive zeal and to act impulsively, so it’s just as well that Justice is exerting a calming influence. Under these auspices you should be able to find your bearings again. Your energies are kept under control by the people close to you, helping you establish a positive equilibrium between your drive and what’s actually feasible.

I want to advoid any kids of quarrels, but it seems to not be happeneing of late. There's something to argue over every moment. It maybe better if I am away more often. It's times like there I to leave here. I find it I no longer miss it. At least right now I do not miss it. So the more reason to keep looking.

~Convenient~
It's funny how I was sitting here stressing about the packing, and was waiting for the right time to bring it up. And now I can save myself a trip and for sure no matter other plans, can and have to go through with this one. Regardless. And at the end, it's not even my fault. They can all think what they want. I didn't even manipulate the situation. I just took things as they came. And it seems to be turning in my favor at least for now. See how long it lasts.

Funny

~Musing~
It's funny how we get into these things.

Questions

~Memory~
I recall I was to ask something, but I keep forgetting. So I shall jot down whatever I can. I know it's not much time and I have a tendency to put things off because I do not have like 5 hours to work on it or more or less to dinker around. I worry it won't be done. But for sure at this rate, it will not be done.

Distractions

~Evening Cuffs~
Now that was interesting. I swore they came from upstairs as well. Didn't know there was another side of it. Who knew. But it was a moment that was like a little too much information. Interesting. What more can be said?

So in the evening went to visit the zoo. The same old as usual. Had some not so tasty Samual Adams and some tasty Snaple. And look at the time, who knew it was so late. Some reason I am not sleeping, but I was reminded today for some reason of all the uncertainity. For some reason it made me feel better remembering that. Maybe it gave me comfort to not to expect anything at all knowing the situation. But knowing what I do, would I still go through with it? I do not know the answer to it.

Frustration

November 6, 2009

Tarot reading for Melly:

Love: Justice

Touchstone: Death

Career: The Devil

Don’t make any decisions when in the grip of powerful emotions today, dear Melly. Under the influence of Justice, you will certainly have the energy it takes to get rid, once and for all, of everything that you’re no longer happy with in your emotional life. In this deleterious climate, invoked by the card of Death, you’ll need to get some fresh air in order to be able to breathe again and to see things more clearly. Above all, be aware that any decision of this type cannot be taken without some careful thinking being done first. Don’t try to skip that step! At work, you'd be well advised to put your ambition on hold and stop treading on other people's toes. The Devil, who represents you, is not inviting tolerance, but if you can't learn to share with others and stop being such a dictator, you may be forced to abandon an important project, as is indicated by the Death card.

As the day drudges on. It's no so bad when you got other things in your mind. It's funny how you hear from the ones you do no expect and nothing from the ones you think you should. Expecting too much. Wanting to control too much. Having a hard time letting go and leaving things be as they are. I need to do something, what I can. But I shall not to be too impulsive. I know I need to act, but I need to act accordingly. There's a time and place for things. When it is right, you will know what to do.

Thinking

Daily Planetary Overview
With the Sun conjunct Mercury today in Scorpio, you'll have a strong intellect and the ability to discern motives. Investigate and get to the bottom of a matter. This placement will make you secretive but sharp-witted.

Your Horoscope - Today, Nov. 5, 2009

Today might be a difficult day for you, Melly. Instinctively you will want to escape the situation and explore your horizons, but something is holding you down. Take care of the stack of bills on your desk, and deal with the mess in your bedroom. Clearing the physical space around you will help to clear the mental space in your head. You will be footloose and fancy-free soon enough.

I hope it will be true soon. It has been really what I have been thinking for the past 2 days with the whole clearing of the room and with the fixing up of the bed as well... Creepy as always eh.

For some reason it just seems ridiculous and doesn't make any sense. After some serious reading, I am more deterred by it all. Not sure, I am concerned. Was all full of hope until the dark cloud started to loom above. I can see it now, get a call or email and dash off. Not sure, nor can I care all that much.

See if one time thing, can travel, host, top bottom.

Relationships

You can't change life, but you can change your relationship to it. Not my problem or your problem, but our shared problem. Put beautiful qualities between you and the other: peace, kindness, respect. In between is where the action is in life. The filter of mistrust. What you see in the other, what you pay attention to, grows in them; what you expect, you generate. The example of prisoners. If you water the flowers, flowers grow; if you water the weeds, weeds grow.

The most important thing in life, you are in total control of. Life itself is totally out of control, but the way you relate to it, you are in full control, you can always make it work - this is the law of kamma. Baking a cake simile - not the ingredients, but what you make of them. Mother-in-law jokes. How do you look at yourself? The two-finger smile. Playfulness as a source of creativity, of fun and growth. Funeral and wedding stories. You can't find contentment by trying to change yourself; you find it by changing your attitude to yourself. Don't blame life; don't put negativity between you and life. The king and the doctor story: "Good or bad, who knows?”. Late taxi driver story. Not "Why me?", but what are you doing about it?

Take away pain, suffering and disappointment by this wonderful relationship with life, with yourself and your loved ones: seeing the beautiful, the positive, seeing what you can respect, that there is something you can do - this changes your whole attitude. Life is not suffering any more, it is a challenge, a journey, exciting, interesting, all learning and growing experiences. Sometimes the most difficult experiences are the ones we learn most from. Not the partner or the event, but the relationship. Topical example of the Bhikkhuni ordination. Julie's story. Put something beautiful there, and you can learn to change the relationship. The world is a relationship problem.

Today slightly disappointed about the lack of contact. But I try to understand. I am okay as long as I am preoccupied. I don't have time anyway or much of what is left.

Tired

Not sure what is going on today. I have doing what I need, but I don't seem to be doing anything with it. It really could be the fear once again holding me back. What to do to get over it. It could be the cold as well. Yet I feel so tired...

Tool

~Lights~
The lights are so purdy. I just adore it. Who knew some simple purple lights could be s lovely. It has such a lovely glow. I don't need more, it's enough. I also don't need boos now because there's no snow anyways. It will just seems silly. But it was funny to see it there suddenly after the video last night or not even, it was more like the same day just an hour before and I was even looking at a site for it. Scary..

Pacients

I guess I don't have much of it now days. Things now days seem more or less a now now now thing and to do things now rather than later. All to be rendered useless. I guess I don't need it. It was just a mere quodance. Means more for me then. No sence in giving more. But then again that just isn't me is it? I want less anyways. Less is more now days. So for now, lets do a bit more and get yourself cleaned up. We can talk later.

If later ever comes, this is just plain rediculious.

~Tea Leaves~
It it in the leaves now? I know busy anyways.

~Bummer~
Things are not going well and as expected. Things falling through and not working out. Is it really self fulfilling? Not sure, just sad. Gotta start getting things done.

Addiction

~Shopping~
I so need to stay away from online shopping. I need to just get what I need and call it a day. So all I need is just one pair of shoes. Ones that actually fit better and no toes showing. I have such long toes. Else, it looks like I will keep the Madden pair. The name always reminds me of football. I do like the color. I so need to find a pair of tights else it's going to really hurt. But oh the things we put ourself through to get a look.

~Hallow~
Today after some years went to get candy. It was nice. It brings back some good memories. Also going to Petco today and seeing the little critters, made me miss the little buggers.

~Time~
It looks like won't be seeing much after for the three weeks. For at least two. I still have cloths to organize. I need to get myself together so I can feel motivated. But I am starting to feel bad to buying so much. I am working on it. Take care self. On a note, I do feel better about able to help write. I only hope it's good enough.

~Relatives~
This one shall finish up tomorrow. This one is more of a touch subject right now. I need to get organized and clear some things out before I tackle this one.

Obsession

Note: Gaining more experiences so u can share them in the future.

So possessed with cloths right now.

Painless

~Trash~
It feels good to be tossing the pants out. I knew I had too many, but some were just hard to let go at the time for some reason. Sure a lot easier to toss today. Maybe had to check the phases of the moon for this kind of stuff. I am still hoping for pain. I am feeling too well. Hopefully be able to find more things to toss in the morning.

Growing Pains

~Bothersome~
I need to constantly remind myself how I can not be bothered with some things. I got my own things to worry about. Each time this time rolls around, it's always this feeling. This worry. It's unwarranted. I do not like it for many reasons. I feel like toss toss toss, toss it all. I hope for it soon. It's the time when I hope for pains. I do hope the discomforts has been for that reason. Else, I will leave things alone. I don't need to or have to deal with everything. Take care of yourself above all.

Daily Planetary Overview

The Sun square Mars today in Fixed Signs will bring out your argumentative and stubborn side. Your temper will flare with little provocation and it will be difficult to control your emotions. You may cause a scene by being overly dramatic.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 29, 2009

Someone who lives near you whom you may not have said much to before may suddenly strike up a conversation with you that could result in a new friendship, Melly. You could find yourself wondering why you didn't speak to this person before. They could share a number of your interests, and because of that, some interesting group activities could be brought to your attention. The only caution: don't push too hard, and don't over-idealize your new friend.

I do hope the temper is because of that time. I really do. But I know I wasn't happy at all when the weekend isn't planned or so uncertain. But aren't most things are like that. The second part about a conservation with someone. It's interesting as on was far and another not quite as far. But to my surprise or not so much, someone was rushing to the alter, hehe. Still as impulsive or maybe more of a romantic still. Hopeful I guess while I am the pessimistic.

Some color does go a long ways.

~Looking Back~
As Iook back, it seems all the more ridiculous and I am reminded how stupid it was all. How stupid. What I put myself through and how in the same way I am doing the same. I want to do more at times. Like today, had a slight inkling of wanting to do this and that. But for now, I am just hoping to get some rest and get an early start on things. Gotta clear out somethings and take out the trash. The more I read, the more I cringe. It's the same with the past and present. Are you better off not knowing? No one really knows. Well on thing is for sure, someone is not writing.

Deception

~Lies~
Makes you wonder what is going on. Seems something so minor and yet from
what I read, it doesn't seem right. This one is not a big deal, but it makes you wonder, what else is there? I don't even want to bother with it. Just knowing is enough. I feel as though is holding something back. Perhaps keeping expectations low of sort. Expecting the worse. But is that not being honest? Not like I am some sort of shinning example. You got your own things to deal with.

~Changing Times~
I guess I haven't really written about this, but it has been something that has crossed my mind. But it could be better off as thoughts and not something to be jotted down. If I did, it sure be a long one. But for now, a small part of a whole. Things change as time passes. Who knew I would even reconsider getting into education after so much time as passed and I have taken so many turns all to look back at the original.

Relations also change. For better or for worse, doesn't have to be. Just different. The situation is always changing. Things can not always be the same. Sure do miss those days. But things are different now. It makes be sad a bit, how I miss it. But it's not all for the wores, but things seem more difficult now days. Seeing the kids and how they don't worry so much about their own issues when you actually think about it, it's actually fairly grim.

Halfway Gone

~Plaid~
Who knew a pair of shoes could drive me insane? Shoes Shoes Shoes. I have always wondered what the addiction was all about. And now I know.. Hopefully the obsesion be over soon. So much to do and not enough time. I need to keep working. There is never really enough time. u can't always wait for enough time to present itself for it will never happen. You just need to seize the moment and take it as it comes.

Disapearing Act

~Sunny~
Today was sunny with a side of traffic. But it was like I knew it would be a pointless trip. It wasn't all bad. But it's never quite the way I want it. Is it ever is? It's like I am anxious. I want to get things done, but I can't do a thing about it. Now this is really getting ridiculousness.

I try to list things out again. I need to clean up my act. I shall try to get some rest first. I need to take care of one self first above all. As without me, there is nothing else. Goodnight self.

Really sure likes to disappear..

Motive

~Business~
I just had an instant of a moment where I had a though that made some sence. It could have been due to watching that movie to see things like a business deal. To have conditions. To what you call enjoy each others company till you are no longer useful. Who knows when it will end. But do live in the moment.

Anal

~Cold~
It has been cold of late. I want to ask, but at the same time I feel as though I no longer care. It's an ever so slightly scary feeling of uncaring.

Cold and Uncaring

~Indifferent~
I guess the old me would quickly delete it and see what was written, but it gets to the point where I am starting not to care. Since when did any of it matter really anymore? Would the answer change how I would react or do? I want to be as I am and not let anyone affect the things I do. I do what I do because it's what I do, not because of you or anyone. I want to have my own feelings and actions. As they are mine and not because of another's influence.

...shower break...

~Fear~
I face unreasonable fear right now. I know it will be over in a second and before I know it.

Dislikes

The things I dislike and yet can not change. Think that's the issue and I need to find a way to live with it. I am not sure how I can cope with it. I don't feel like doing much and at the same time I don't know if there is much of anything I can do. Space can be nice and it can also grow. I don't know what to do, I am just unhappy right now. Have a lot of things on my mind.

Oi

~Dress~
And I am not talking about the flowie one, I'm talking about the stuff in general you wear. Somehow talking, usually end up a topic pops up that reminds me of something that has been a hinderance. But it's about opportunity isn't it? Hasn't it always been? You really can't force something especially if the timing isn't right. oi.

~Mail~
I could feel myself get upset over some silly bread. But I do like it crunchy. Not runied. I actually don't like it all that soft anyways. But besides that. I could feel myself being temped in the begining, but I have more than enough to deal with now. I didn't even want to know. Scary eh? Enough to deal with, so lets just keep it as simple as possible. Or at least try to.

Daily Planetary Overview A New Moon in Libra today, and until next month, will help you develop interpersonal skills. You'll find that dealing with people will become easier and you will be diplomatic and cooperative under this influence. You'll increase your emotional intelligence and communicate better with others.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 17, 2009

''Go with the flow'' is your anthem for today, Melly. You will find the freedom you seek by simply following the path of least resistance. There is no reason for you to not be happy. Life doesn't need to be difficult or complicated. The thing to remember is that you should be 100% yourself. People will act the way they need to react in relation to you. Don't worry about their feelings - they are not your responsibility.

Woot and the scrolly thing is gone. I sure it comes true for me how I will develope interpersonal skills, hopefully it's a sign it will be getting better soon the ability to communicate with others better. Else today I am trying to take the path of least resistance and try not to trouble myself with others issues. Although I was slightly agitated with indecisiveness and how things were not really going the way I thought I wanted it to go. So just let it go.

Drizzle

It has been more gloomy than not these days. It could be the weather, and just how the interactions of late remind me of something of the past and reverting into past behaviors. And gone already. It's how things seem to be. I don't even know what seems to be going on anymore. I think or I thought I knew what was going on. And then it's not what I thought or expect. Either I didn't understand or misinterpretation. Or maybe it's just that different now. I seem to want to care less. I don't even want to be bothered. Things I can not get answers to. But then again we don't need answers to everything nor to control it. Not just to simply to love, but to have loving kindness. To be kind with love. Not always to be a self, but to have a greater perspective on all aspects of life for as long as you are here. Don't let it bother you. You don't always need to know.

I am tired in many ways, I do not want to guess anymore. I want to be able to let it all go and not let it bother me. But I can't seem to do that now.

Daily Planetary Overview

The Sun will be trine Neptune today in Air Signs, bringing a strong imagination and appreciation of the arts. This will be a good time to take in a concert, discuss ideas, and think about future goals and possibilities.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 16, 2009

You will find that there is a greater burst of energy coming your way today than there has been in the past couple days, Melly. It's as if you are making a new start and now is your chance to come out and begin with a fresh new attitude. Realize, however, that a sensitive nature is going to be the thing that helps you get through this day victorious. Keep your mind focused inward while you pursue outer-directed activities.

It saids that I will get over it. I sure I hope it is right. Out of the most random time I ran into a past passion that I do so dearly miss. I am sad that it was only last year that it was discontinued. Among other things I am worried. Worried over things I know I can not control. I still feel the need to control and to know what is going on which is all part of the control. I think if I find something to keep myself barried in, it will not seems so bad. It will not seem to be so long. Not much of an appitite today. Could be a number of factors.

After some time, it doesn't seem as bad. It kind of forces you to let go. I am worried on what I should do, what I can do if nothing more. Can't be helped sometimes. I sure do like to cause my own suffereing. I already know what it is like to cause my own suffereing. So why do it to others? You already know how painful it can be. Why make others pay and have them go through the same thing. Be pacient. Be loving.

~Rut~
So lets try to get out of this rut. I must continue the search. I know I miss. It could be because it has been 2 days since we talked. And I am starting to miss it. I really do. I really do hope things will get better soon. Very soon...

Is it really possible to be gone for that long? But what else do I need to get done. Last I checked I had a whole laundry list of things to do.

Clear and Cloudy

~Pants~
Guess I never finished this one. The things left undone and unsaid.

Plans

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 14, 2009

It may be hard for you to make a decision today about anything, Melly. Things may seem a bit wishy-washy and unclear, but don't worry about it. There is plenty of air to fuel your fire today. Be aware that people may be popping up from the past and that unexpected events may be disrupting the flow of things throughout the day. Well-laid plans are apt to be broken. Don't' sweat it. Just go with the flow.

Funny how true this one is. But there are a few things I feel I should maybe comment on. About how plans laid out and how none works out. Right now I know just talking it makes me realize how much of a failure I am.

First Snow

Daily Planetary Overview

Mars sextile Saturn will make this a very productive day when you can to complete many items on your to-do list. To save time, plan ahead and use your time wisely. This aspect will bring good management and judgment.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 12, 2009

You may have to make some serious adjustments to your approach today, Melly, in order to chime in with the energy of the group. Adopt a more inward-directed attitude and see what you can learn by tuning into the subtle messages from others. Both the masculine and feminine sides of your nature are working harmoniously, and you might find that they are both requesting a quiet night in.

Snow Flurries

~Listen and Reflect~
No one saids you have to solve the problem or anything at all. Sometimes you just want someone to understand you and just listen to. I can try to understand, but I think the part that hurt the most is that one would think that way that I would have douts.

Cold

Things goes from bad to worse and potentially devastating. Really can't risk it. Really can't, nor I will. But I think it will be okay. Yesterday, didn't do much when it comes to job fair. I shall think about this. Still have not been able to reach the truth.

Daily Planetary Overview

With Venus opposite Uranus, you'll have high expectations and may set impossible ideals for yourself and for others today. Be realistic and understand what is possible. Think big, but don't be critical when someone can't live up to your high standards.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 9, 2009

Pieces of today's puzzle may not be fitting into place for you, Melly, and its possible that you simply have no idea why. This is fine. Do not stress over something because you don't quite understand it. The key to making things work out is listening. Adjustments will definitely need to be made on both sides, but this can only happen if both parties are willing to open up their ears and understand each other's perspective.

October 9, 2009

Tarot reading for Melly:

Love: The Lovers

Touchstone: The Tower

Career: The Star

In your love life, try to leave the hatchet buried today, dear Melly! Bear in mind that the combined influence of the Tower and the Lovers are bound to put you in a tense emotional frame of mind, with an explosive mix of doubts and aggression… You may have self-doubts, but keep in mind that this is no reason to also doubt your significant other. Try to avoid the conflicts that can so easily arise from all these misunderstandings. In these rather difficult circumstances, the possibility of a separation or a breakup – even if it does not last for long – cannot be totally excluded... Everything’s at cross purposes today at work, as the energies conspire to disrupt your self-assurance. The joint influence of the Star and the Tower denote ill-contained aggression. If you don’t manage to control your emotional state, others will see you as volatile and unpredictable and as someone who cannot be trusted to solve problems in a reasonable manner. Take that as a warning ...

This one seems all too familar. It's like a deja vu again. Like going

Sunny Still

Boy, I sure haven't been very blogging productive today.

Sweet, just found out I can change the brightness of the screen. I know it seems stupid. But as I am like a cat and easily amused.

So I will try to let more go and pursue other things for now with the dear rain cloud close by. It may rain on me on some days, but it also keep the sun from burning me. Hopefully less rain, but can't make any promises.

Oh got a funny email from pigeon today, but I think most of it I have already seen. But it's still funny. Okay, one disadvantage of sitting here is that the tushie is starting to hurt. I so need more padding.

Sunny

Hong Kong style. Went in for a teller back just got awhile ago. It was a groupy thing. Meet some nice intersting people from all walks of life. But it's already done. So lets look forward to more things to come.

I had a moment in the car afterwards. I scribbled down some things and a song poped on the radio. Who knew it was Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone. I am starting to get tired of this. It's always there like a rain cloud. When it feels like it, it will rain on you and for a moment it may move to get some light in and then take it away from you. Do you move out from under it or learn to live with it? Maybe the cloud is there by nature. And the need to control things make it difficult for us to coexist.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I didn't want us to burn out

You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm Already Gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

To be at peace. Is it too much to ask for? Sitting here seems to work well. Or at least I feel productive. I am tempted to get one to get one them keyboard covers. But I think I should hold off on any unessary spending until I find something steady or marry into ca ching. It seems like I do need and have my moments. Phases perhaps. Hopefully they don't laast long. At the end, the result will be the same, just how we get there. So why not enjoy the ride? Why make it hard on yourself and try to control such a rain cloud.. Where God knows why a rain cloud rains on your day and at the same time can shield you from the sun.

To have loving kindness and compasion. To have pacient understanding. Please try to understand, even though the answer may not come to you right away and it may never. Who said you have to know everything or even understand it? Just try to understand.

On the side note, I do feel better having gotten up so early and getting an early start. Part of it might be I got to mall it out slightly today and the sun was out. But boy was it hard to get up. Geeze! It was cold and tired.

Light Rain

Daily Planetary Overview

You'll get along well with a romantic partner today, due to the fact that the Moon trine Venus in Virgo. The emphasis will be on practical details and responsibilities, and you may find that there's not enough time to relax because of too many commitments.

Your Horoscope - Today, October 6, 2009

You can do no wrong today, melly. In fact, your slippery nature can navigate though cracks today without anyone noticing. You may find, however, that you would rather be seen up on center stage. This is fine as well, just as long as the choice is yours. Independence is a key theme for you today, and you will find that the more you can break free, the better off your general mood will be.

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8470111&type=product&id=1184768166710&ref=06&loc=01&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=8470111

I hope to get along today, since last evening did not go well at all. I really hope it wasn't me. But it maybe nothing at all, not it was that long ago, but you never know what can happen in a very short amount of time. Really hope it's nothing else really be in the dark. Then can I really trust? I really hope all will be alright.

Thank God everything or more like most things are okay. I am greatful and will not try to abuse my gift.

Freezing Rain

Could eh? I find myself of late ever so slightly bipolar. One minute I get all excited and the next bumped out. What's the cause? Partly maybe the cold. Another part myself. Too much expectations. Really can't expect anything. And it goes both ways. Can't expect it to go right or worng. Just never really the way you expect it. Somehow things work itself out. As the river will flow in the direction is should no matter how much we want it to go the other way.

Nov 8

Cold

~So Blond~
Is there really more going on? Even if there is, can one do a thing about it? Not really. It's all a game isn't it? Although we may want a certain outcome or to advoid one, we can not escape reality of it. It shall be as it is. Haven't done the asprin mask in a while. Been tired and a mix of laziesness. I am not sure what want. I look at all the forms and I get tired. I get tired of the computer. I should tie up whatever lose ends. But sometimes things seem off. Like what are the chances both are on? As usual, no much you can do.

Daily Planetary Overview

The Moon trine the Sun today will highlight the need to get good advice. Recent worries have brought on stress. It may help to talk to someone and ease your burden. You may be inspired by the experiences of someone.

Your Horoscope - Today, September 28, 2009

Reality isn't always as exciting you would like it to be, Melly. But isn't this because you interpret reality in a rather particular way? You hardly ever look at things in detail because on a fundamental level details don't interest you. Yet if you take a good look around, you will discover that the details of a truly epic event are currently unfolding right before your very eyes. Not to mention what is happening inside your inner world! Try to put some new lenses on those glasses of yours!

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Am getting tired talking to it. So sick of it. Rather just say screw it.

Desire

~Animale Desire~
This morning I have felt the need and the one to call. But from pure logic and reasoning, there isn't one. Yesterday brouught up a point how hot chicks end up with ooglie guys and then it was aimed at me. Made me think. But then again, even the most beautiful super models can feel ooglie.

~Dill~
I want to quick jot this down as all other dreams seem to be gone by mid afternoon. Not usually not in the dreams but for some reason was. I can only recall where went into the mens bathroom and then came out with something in his mouth. It was like a light pink irridesent sucker in his mouth shaped like a small you know. The bottom was like a norm and then it had second half like a more narrow and a head at the tip and was sucking on it like it was nothing. There were 2 female I assume coworkers that saw and looked at strangly and then took it out to show and then pop it in and continue sucking. I wanted to crawl into a hole..

Was that really it, or is there more to it?

Reminder

I need to constantly remind myself of what's going on or what could be going on. What I do not know, can it really hurt me.

Dashboard

~Last minute changes~
It's not that it isn't reasonable. I wonder how detailed I should be sometimes. Will I remember when I look back at this if I ever do. I want to keep that as an option at least. I want to try to keep doors and windows opened. But when options are taken away. How we take then for granted when they are just willy nilly around. Really not in the mood to deal with somethings now. I still find certain things disturbing. Maybe it is better I distance myself from certain things. I want to let it go, but it may not be wise to let certain issues slide.

~The Good, the Bad, the Ooglie~
It's hard to say when things are bad or good, or if it's a good or bad thing that has happened. Guess it all depends on how you look at things. Maybe this gives me an oppertunity to try other things or even to take a break from the regular. Maybe my mind is really on it too much and I really do need to diversify.

~Gun Hoe~
Sometimes I feel that. I get all excited about over something. But then something crashes the party and there it goes. I guess I get tired of doing the same old thing. But I want to try to be mindful of what I do and say and how it affects others in a way I don't want to. Most of the time I say and do things out of frustration. Or at least I want to. But at the expense of others. It's not just me. If I need to vent, then I can do it on my own time and own way. No point in bringing everyone else around me down as well. I am proud of the way you handled things. For a quick second I could see myself saying fine, and goodnight, talk to you another time and ending it right there. But the affects of doing so was not what I wanted even though it may have been something i wanted to do in that single moment.

~the Feeling~
You will get use to it. Or at least try to get use to it now. (oh hand cramp from writing like this, maybe it's a sign to stop) I think I can getting better at writing on this contraption. But I still have wondering thumb syndrome. It's a very real reality. Enjoy the peace and calm. Goodnight self. For there is only you. There was a mention of an email, and so i shall keep that in mind for tomorrow.

Clam

Daily Planetary

Mercury conjunct Saturn today will bring a serious outlook and dedication to your work. Both planets are found in the sign of Virgo, so you'll have a strong desire to produce something of quality and seek perfection. Hopefully this may mean that this means I will be able to get some things. Though some things maybe a smudge later than others, it's not the only places to look. Need to organize favorites in such a way where so I can organize creatively.


Your Horoscope - Today, September 22, 2009

Deliveries that you may be expecting could be delayed or held up, I am assuming it may mean the windows 7 upgrade. Also the rebate thing should take awhile. Melly. Today you might learn something shocking about a neighbor or relative - and gossip might spread very rapidly through your community. This maybe what mom said about the lack of intention of staying. I also lack control of the thumb. This could have you reeling - even though it might be exaggerated. You might pay visits to a few people nearby, or spend a lot of time on the phone trying to learn the truth. Don't take anything you hear today at face value. Truth truth? Is there really such a thing? It's hard to was which is which. I miss ajahn. I really do. Hopefully be back soon.
And we are back. I don't think the thumb was touching anything. I think I am coming down with something. I think I should sit tight this week and not go anywhere. Do the whole soup thing and pop some pills. It has been cold of late since the first day of fall. I can feel winter setting in and the chill of it. I don't know if it's the computer or it's just the slow internet on there. Gets frustraiting. Think should just quick plow through it all. I think first thing is first. To go through all the sites that I know or more like the usual sites. And then think of local places such as old navy, old coutry, and excel. And move on from there. Should be more than enough work.

For some reason, I feel as if I should sit down and have like a few hours to get it all done. When in reality, one can never really get it all done. It's a never done. It's an on going thing. I feel as if I can't get it done, why bother to do it. How can one work on something that can never be done? Then is it actually getting done? Or if all else fails. You may need to be more creative and search for talents.

~Getting in touch with Dreams~

Clam

Natural

This who typing thing is starting to get uncomfortable. I need to get my thumbs under controll. Today has been a day of thinking and ponderance. The peaceful kind of sort at least. The things I am unsure of I let slide and then the thing that has not appeared in a long time appears and casts a shadow of dout. But enought of that, you won't really know until you ask. There be a time and place for that. Strategy.

Tired as well. Better not to say much than to observe. Hopefully I can get some things done tomorrow. I already know I have little to no chance, so better to at least try and half arse it than to do nothing at all.

Restup.

Consuming

I really do hate forms, they are so time consuming. One click at a time and it's uber slow as well. I am not sure if it's the web site that's slow or my computer. But then again, this one form does cover 4 positions. But this whole process is just plain too time consuming. Especially if it's something I can list faster. How much is enough? This process is so slow. I am sure pacients is not one of them qualities at the moment that's shinning. Aww crap, I pushed it too far. Oh well, looks like website issues. Looks like I am done for now.

There are some pending issues that have crossed my mind today that I had almost forgotten. That one website and then how one we shall remaine nameless said how there's no future in it anyways, really hit me. I was sad to hear that, yet at the same time wanted to prove them wrong. Yet, it's something that remains unresolved.

Drea.m

I just woke up from an afternoon drea.m. I want to try to get whatever down before I forget it and for the most part I have forgotten. But it's something like I am a photographer. There was like a large military plane that landed and I was told to take picts of it and there were like other people like a boy with strange shorts with writing on the butt I was trying to take picts of. I remember not being able to see the writing, but I was like trying to accidentally to take picts of it, clearer picts of it. I happen to have like a camera that had super zoom and it was really clear, but people were scrambling around. I recall 2 guys with me. One of them was like Mike and the other a dark haired Travis like character. I remember Travis trying to help me or something. Else, I do not remember much..

Coco

I am starting to feel sick to my stomach. I try to dig drawers to find junk to toss but to my adue, there's not much I can toss. I know I am growing impatient. It's not a good thing. There are a lot of things I do not know, I should ask. I do not know how long I can wait. This is getting rediculious. I know I grow impacient. Maybe I need to be more understanding. Loving kindness and understanding. Most of it is not purposful if any. If you don't know what to do, maybe it's best to do nothing. already so late and no plans. Not even an address. Like no intention of actually going through with it. It's okay, but let me know won't you? Not everyone has as much free time as you, you know that right? Or you keep forgetting.

And that's why we have so much junk. No one is willing to let it go. Eat it and get fat, or toss, waste is sure better than the lather. We worry about waste, and all the craps we keep burdens us all. Is the ability to let go the key to bliss? As we are all tired down to worldly things. Feelings, emotions, possesions, desires, and loathing. I really grow tired of this. Strange how another's thoughts or feelings affect anothers so easily. Especially when we are such selfish creatures, how we are what others think. But is it just another form of selfishness.

Once again I think to much. Ask direct questions and get direct answer and move on.

Flexability

So I try to get some things done, but some things prevent me from doing so. One must be flexible. It really can't be helped if their website is down. So have to find other things to do until another chance rolls around. It will happen. The things that needs to be done will be.

In Other Words, Never

It's okay, one should respect each individual choice and decision. Things are so incomplete. The longing to know, but one can never know.

Good old firefox, so dependable. More dependable than other things.

I tend like to forget about loving kindness and acceptance for all things.

Time and Distance

Daily Planetary Overview

Try to be flexible today because the Moon sextile Uranus will help you adapt to changing circumstances. Plans may need tweaking at the last minute. Be open to new perspectives as there is no set way things should be done.

I seem to be able to find something drewrie to write about. But I shall try to scribble something each day to see if maybe everything is kind of a downer or is it I find it one way or another. One think taro is right about is that I am fairly positive today. more than usual. But I am still wearie about getting some things I should be getting done done. I still fall into old habits of fear.

Last night I didn't get much done. Ever so slightly disappointed. As guys will be guys. Even the ever so gay ones. Time and distance. As much as we don't seem to like it. It maybe good for you. How we don't like things that are good for you. How we like things that are bad for you. Can't we want things that are good for you? In part I want to blame myself. If I were more independent, could things be better? I must try.

Mail

Okay, so I guess no image for today. it may work better in Firefox. I want to say the reflection is rather bothersome. But even the original screen is reflective as well. At least i am getting something done. Or at least it's a start of something. I so need to tape up my thumbs. Lets be conscious of the thumbs for a bit and see if that's really the issue. I think I may want to wait in the Windows 7, but I feel I may forget later.

Icky Windows. At least FF iincludes the little cloud.

Daily Planetary Overview

Moon trine Saturn today will bring a good work ethic and a desire to do work that is of high quality. Don't accept second best. Your determination and eye for detail will help you complete first-rate work.

Your Horoscope - Today, September 9, 2009

Today you may need to get into contact with a lot of people, Melly, but you might find the process frustrating. They might not be home, messages might not be delivered, or your communications equipment might not work properly. Unless it's absolutely urgent, it might be more appropriate to wait until tomorrow to try to reach them. Otherwise you could work yourself into a state of mind too stressed out for words.

But it's rather scary. I got a lot oh communicating to do. Hopefully it won't be too complicated and I get to where I need to be.