Tummy

Think today maybe of all the days I thought of it the least by far. So I would guess it's a good thing. I don't want to grow too attached and then not be able to set myself free or to have it break me off. But either way, should be able to see him tomorrow. And wouldn't want to run out of things to talk about. From what I hear, he needs his alone time but who knows. Maybe it's all an act. He saids he's fine, but he doesn't seem to be content at all. Guess because of him, I start to worry. Setting back into old habbits and ways I have long tryed to get over.

I guess before I was a stickeler on the phone. And now it's getting too much. But either way it's a good thing. To get away and it's better for the phone bill.

And back to the orginal topic. Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers not so tasty and making the tummy not feeling so well.

Oh he's actually a CA but I couldn't tell when he's fast and furious scribbling like a mad man. But it's not nice to talk about or think about someone behind their back is it? Shhh..

Think today it hit me for some reason that there's no future. The more I think about it, the more like sim he is. And so we get along, but after fumofuu.. his story of how it was all ruined. Obession turns into hate and careless. It happened to me too and it can happen again. It's only what I think. I can't tell what others are thinking or feeling. But with time I guess you can eventually feel them out. But if they are all like moomoo then I am screwed ^^

But I try to be fair. I try to try. As long as I try, it's enough. I know I tryed for him. I really did. Even if the path lead to a path of distruction, I still took the road that was truely paved with good intensions. I should just stick with my first love and only love.

Lord.. whoever.. guide me. In what shall I ever do. The want and need is still there. It's strong. I wait and wait. But what do I wait for? Not even I know. It seems so simple. I really do feel it is. I was so certain, but now.. I feel douts. Something changed, something is different, but yet the same. I am tired. I don't want to be up so late no more. I am not the same person anymore or no, it's a lie. I want to be different but I am not. I am the still same old me as I am. The more I do, the more tired I get. Either way, it will get done one way or another.

There is no right or worng path or decesions, just differet ones that all lead to the same place. They all seem to find a way to disapoint you. So please just love yourself and take care of yourself. You will guide me and I will know what to do.

hmm come to think of it, did he say he was on duty? But no matter, he has my number.