Feeling Stupid

It's like I already know or at least I can feel what is going to happen. It's so vivid in my mind right now. Like a same familar feeling. It's no longer a longing. More or less a worry now. And yet I am not sure what to make of it right now. It's like I am antsy, always watching my back. The things I need for once I did not bring. In an failed atempt to lighten the load. I know it's not possible. For some reason the song Natasha Bedingfield - Angel doesn't sound like her and in the video she looks like Madona and Gewn Stafanie at time. not sure what to make of her either. But I really do like this song too. For some reason I feel like or smell animal crackers. Come to think of it. If it was a febal atempt to see him and because of it I didn't. I would be upset wouldn't I? It's really how you relate to everything. To keep more to yourself. Always be on guard and prepare a witty come back in every akward situation. It could be because the base on this is really good. And then it reminds me of drums and guess who plays drums? I don't expect an reply from him. But it's there if it ever needs my attention. I am tempted to call her and ask her, but am I bringing more trouble to myself?

But from what the Scope saids, I should be able to get many things done. I can still try on the paper and finish it off tomorrow. It's time to consolidate. I have been more consistant with this, but it's starting to hurt my back. Or maybe I should just sit up straight for once. But I don't see anything where it tells me that I should try or call. Just to get away from it all for a bit. Maybe it's right. I need to get away and regroup and not let any of them effect me in any way.

I shouldn't and don't expect anything. No need to consern yourself with things that do not involve you. And this is why I want to keep my thoughts to myself. Or at least I should try to better and not try to manipulate anyone to do anything. And suddenly I feel like a smoothie again. A very blond latina that you wouldn't be able to tell because she's so european looking. You tell me what part of her is Latina? Goodness the hits on this song is insain. And here I am feeding the monster ^^ I still need a better idea on what they do. My goodness so much effort just for a baby pumpkin.

And now I am feeling bored. So maybe it's more like sleepie. I am kinda getting thirsty. But I am really getting tired. But I should plan out my day so I can actually get some crap done. Not hungie for once. That's a pleasent surprise. But now I'm so thirsty and tired. maybe I should go take a nap. But where. But it's only 10. Okay that's wierd. I thought I lost it, but appears to be hiding in my bag some how. but how did it get there? I know it was hanging on my bag before. So how did it get in there? @_@ my god. Even though it's damaged, things really do have a way of coming back to you. Am much too responcible in clearing all the candy today. Oh god, see how a really bad mnt dew perks me right up or wa it the little walk. I really don't taste anything but the stinging of the carbon. So if I already know or can feel what is going to happen. Can I change it then? Can I prepare for it then? Or have I done this all before and I am just reliving it? It's this feeling again. It comes and goes.

Lets think about this. Things are not going so well on all fronts. So It's time to recover and reset and creat a plan of attack. Even the eating I need to plan it all. But it looks like tomorrow it's going to be a garvy day. So no need to worry about the food front. But what about Wednessday. It has been awhile subway, but so tired of the same sandwitch.

So I do end up passing the time by filling out a survey from shinae. It's interesting. Nothing too difficult. But it made me think about a few things. In a way I am content. It can always be worse. I am not failing anything, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'll end this for the night. Tomorrow really need to get rolling on things.


You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it