Hate

oh my goodness so handsome XD It's all the eye candy I need ha. I know I so do need this button to remind me of no hate and to remind myself that this is all a test of my patients. It's all a choice, no one can make be be or act in a way I don't want to. I don't need to feel too sympathetic towards him. He makes his own choices too and deals with his own consequences. A part of me hopes he did poorly, but at the same time not. So no matter how he does, I be happy with the results. I don't want to be around people more dull than me but at the same time I want to be better. So either way it's a good thing. But for some reason when I saw him today, I was angry. But I can not let him get the better of me. No matter, at least the only thing I can take away from this is, "I don't care, whatever" lol. You know what? That so didn't answer my question. He doesn't even have the years right. Or does he? We'll see and test how much I can remember. Goodness what's with the noise.

Lets consider what I have to do, I should at least ..

Bring mgmt back text and all so I can figure out old test answer and thoes answers won't matter if I don't get the answers right on the next one. So lets do that.

The two FIRE classes I have more than enough to study off the notes.

Finish the marketing surveys. For some reason today I been spelling marketing with a g. weird.

Do outline and Phil paper 5 with discussion.

I really want to visit kitty this week. I miss the little bugger. It's all such a delacate balance.

It's all really taking a toll on me, really testing and driving my pacients to the limit. Oh god tell me what am I to do? I really do need a sign now. Is this a test my my temptation? I can tell you he's really a turn off. If that's what should happen I can tell you it's working. He's an arsehole. No wonder he has no friends. I can see why.

Oh ye I almost forgot that I have some pumpkins to chop up to get it all out of me. Maybe it will do me some good to do some choppin. November chopin that is XD I will figure it out, have faith. May I be guided. Thanks for trying. And oh ye, yay finally some airtime minutes, thankies =) I am greatful.

Shiets

Aww shiets, how can I do so poorly, I kinda want to know which questions I got worng so I can fix it for next time. But to have the class avg at 40/50 and I only got a 42/50 and was that like the same as last time? Or just one better? Aww shet and I didn't even study as much last time. How can I do so shiety. I can only guess I did get the two mixed up. Aww craps or I shouldn't have changed it which I will never know the answer to that or maybe changing the answer did give me back that one point. okay it's offocial, he's gey lol. No matter, checked scope and it saids You will not give up or back down easily. For some reason the score did not deter me. I'm not sure why. I do need to change something, I got the same freaking score. *sigh* Gotta change something. Something needs to be different. One thing at a time for now. I do it all for me now. I still gotta work for it. Can't be like him. Jerk waste my minutes and then skip out on class? How rediculous. What's going on in his head? Something has to change this time for sure. So it starts today, one day at a time. As long as I know I did try my best, whatever result I get. But I really want to do well and not have to kick myself. I did try this time. But I think I could have still done a little bit more. If I got 4 more questions right I could be so much more contest. So how just 4 questions can cause you so much pain.

Bored

I really do need something to do, but it's like it's so much I don't even know where to start. But I really show work on the management answers. But I know it can kinda wait, but well oh ye, I should type out estate either way since what's his face needs it. So lets get that done and I guess I can look at disgussion after it. So that's the two minute plan for now.

But before I start on that, I want to reflect on that LSF seems like a waste of time. The guys are not that nummies either way and I got stuck with you know who. I really do need my time alone. But either way, I know I can make sure of the time and choice that I am given. It really is all people stuck in their dung. I am so tempted to try to pull them out of their dung, but I know it's all futile. they want to be there, they choose to be there. I know you are kind and soft hearted, I know you want the best for them and want them to be well. I try to reach out to them, but they push me away. So I let it be. I can't turn a blind eye. I know what is going on. I can not deny it. And things seem wierd. It's really him going adding them all. What kind of person does that? It's attention freak. Maybe it's a test. No different than the other, than the first. It all really does seems like a test. It is wishful thinking. You want them to be a certain way and are ignoring all the signs. Like I said before, there are qualities I admire in him. But seeing how he's handling failure really deters me. I think I am better off sticking with my own way. It seems okay. I did try it his way and failed miserably. I can try it in a modified approach, but it didn't seem to work well either. I think it's always running around in my head. And when it doesn't go as expected, the disapointment sets in. I am better off this way. I mean today good news I saw my fav pointy A in my paper. It has been a long time old friend. I do need to take my own path. I will accept his answer. Acceptance is the way. I don't want to live life as in a fast car watching things go by quickly. As much as I don't like the answer just like the grade, I will accept it and move on. I can take no for an answer. I can and I will. I will find something better, but to see the beauty in someone. Maybe I shouldn't give up so easily. I want them to see how beautiful they are, how wonderful they are and how important they are to someone and to value themselves. But he did tell me to go kill myself =.= So maybe it's not such a good thing. Oh well leave it be. BEcause it so so tragic and so painful, you don't want to leave. It's so difficult to leave when you have been there for a long time and are use to it for so long.

I seem so ill willed sometimes. I am trying to manipulate the situation to get what I want. And when I don't get what I want, I revert back to what I was. I really don't want to go back there. I really don't want to. Everyone seems so fake. It's not like I am any better. But I jsut don't want to be like them. It's hard to find someone you want to be like. I only see what I don't want to be. And they are not always right. Just stuborn people.

Stillness. I'm a beautiful person, I'm a beautiful person, oh shit I'm not. haha It takes so long to convince people that they are alright. But is that my job to? We have this force of inadicuatecy, it's okay to accept it. Selfesteam to parise in ones self. You have a garden, if you water the weeds, it's what grows and takes over the garden. If you water the flowers, the fows grow and take over. it's what you water and focus on. Temperance.

Really think today is a good day for a movie. Even the msn scope saids so. Hopefully find some inspiration in it to guide me. Taylor Swift I was never a big fan of hers, but it's nice Love Story. You think any of it can it ever be true for anyone? Such a fairytale if it ever existed. It's okay to dream, learn to let it all go. No expectation, I do it not for anyone but just because I am.

Trees

So today I didn't go to the library or anywhere much. I just decided that today maybe I want to just stay in. I kind of want to eat something, but it's not like I don't have anything at all in my room to eat. I should try to eat it all anyways and declutter myself in any way I can. I am more tired than ever. I really want to watch painted skin. There's something so inspiring about that movie that I really want to watch it. So should I just watch it here or so should I just move it and then watch it? I think I should move it tomorrow and then watch it on my own time and get on that econ stuff. But the tress feel kind of warm so I like it. I want to remain silent for a bit. I think I need the time. Hopefully today and for the rest ofthe evening I will get the time I need to rest. I am still distraught about the marketing. I really think I confused transnational and global marketing. No matter, what is done is done. I pray. So today called about help, but I don't know what I could have helped him with. But either way no matter. I made a some what a dark butterfly from eboard meeting, but it needs to be black, but close enough to Hell Butterfly. Then got some carmal and a little pin. Fun fun. Got back and ate some grapes and they were tasty. Also ate a poptart and found a nice little artical and droped it into the drop box. I can feel the muscles in my face or more like cheeks spazing. Not sure what it's from, maybe lack of sleep. Today overall was plesent, good enough. I am surprised that I didn't do taro today, but it saids over all it should be well and for scope it saids to clear my head. I think I do need a refreasher. I should not concern myself with too much. One thing at a time. I still think I could have been more prepared for marketing. I just want to do better than. Is that too much to ask? I am just very tired. I must rest, I'm not like. After the apple thing I need to crash. I'm done for the day.

I don't know if it's the polish or if I did something to it but the nails are cracking. So what I plan tod o is to give it another chance and then decide if it's crapy. Else I just over kill it and use it up quick. So the plan for the evening. After apple, then shower and take some time in there to take care of yourself, then crash. Hmm interesting on a side note red does seem to be more attractive.

So after getting back, talk to for a bit. It wasn't anything bad. It was nice and short. I really like how my desktop looks like now. Cleaner looking and the trees gives off a warm feeling. Besides that, I got some little erends to run tomorrow. Oh I so feel like a ramen, I can smell it shinae was eating, so good smelling. I haven't had a longing like this for a long time. It's the simple things I enjoy. Simple instant noodles. I need to resist the temptation to pick on the face. Be good now, at leat it's smooth. That way I can cover it up still. It's the stuff you can't cover that causes you trouble. I am so tempted to call, but I shall resist.

Oh JJ Lin

Oh suck a sceen from painted skin and them today bumped into some chography stuff. And so here I am today, not sure what to do. the more I think the more I have to doa nd I so need some soda but I am not that hungie right now. But I know I wilkl have to eat and this face thing is really stressing me out. So what to do. But the spelling isn't important as longa s I know what it's saying. SO much crap to print out and more crap to get donw before all gell breaks lose. So I am running out of room on the comps school space, so I need to clean it up and only save the stuff I need. Oh I hate him. I do really hope I don't have to see him. So bother some. I can't focuse like him. But it's funny my dear JJ he has a song in English and also one in canto which is kinda fun but the English one is kinda of sad. I want toe at chips, and yet I don't want to. I feel dry. The Canto song is about the choices. Is it really a cuisidance that the song is called the Choice is Yours? It's kinda creepys when today I don't know what's going on. I just know I am still tired and feeling less productive than ever. I feel as I am scared of something and maybe it's the lack of prepare for it. I need to get over this feeling and get things done. But scope saids that I should be able to get things done lets get started by eating first. But I don't want to print here because it's not two sided printing and I will freak out with 3 pages of print. It's better I don't know what he's saying. It's true when they say innorance is bliss. It's just nice and I will accept it as it is and be content. I do need to stop by the room sonner or later, or not. I don't really feel like popin back out or do I? I had 400 mins and I have already used up half of it. I do want to listen to JJ, but maybe it's best I spend some time to focus. Well I will see what I can done and I can try both and do what's most effective.

So lets see what to do now.. Not be too concerned, it's a test after all. Stop by bookstore quick for a snack maybe, but I do have enough to eat for now, but for the sake of peeping so I can thing is I want to tomorrow. Just focus on yourself first of all. I do want to print off craps. Oh yays so I made some room on the desktop and now I decided to print out marketing because I need to. The rest can wait for later if I decide to go out of not tomorrow will be fine too. So now the plan of attack... Go peep at the bookstore first, then to burger and get a burger or two. Then find a nice warm snugglie spot to get reading done and to spot check notes. It's still early. I need to read out load so I have to go through the text but crap I don't have it with me. Oh hmm.. So either way I need to go back. So go over notes now and go over book in the room or in some cover in the lab will do, I don't like the room or the kitchen =.=

Stuck in Dung Again

Be nice and get hit my lighting. Be nice get nothing nice in return. It's not like I ask for anything ncie or anything at all. I just don't want crap. No more shiet please?? I know it tests me and drives my pacients. Rediculous. He is always complaining about something. Stupid. Now he got me into a bad mood. Oh how many times do I need to play it all out in my mind. How I just want to smack him. I am really starting to resent him. But image if you were that person you dispise so much. But all of it be brings on to self. No one to blame but himself. Now I must conroll how I feel. Never let anyone affect how you feel. I can feel the pain, all you do seems for nothing. Nnd not only is it for nothing, you just get crap. Why won't just shut up? Why? What you say that? I will not change anything for anyone. The wond runs deep like the rip in my nail. Don't be lazy and just fix it. Don't pick at it. Don't be constantly reminded of it. Leave it alone. Be greatful you are not that person. You can't put a price on education, nor can you put a price on time. You are just better off spending it. But in reality it's really more competition. But because of the way I am, I assist the competition. I do have a realization, I see the end and I don't like it. So I need to cut this story short. No attachments, I will be compasionate, but I will not take crap from anyone, not even from him. No I will not take it.

But just looking at this really makes me not want to type it all out. Even if I did I don't want him to have any of it. But I guess it can't hurt to try. It's the loard giving me a chance to fix me feet, deal with him, and try something new. Else lord knows I can't type and talk at the same time. Thank you.

Enjoying his Dung

He really does like rolling around in his pile of shit. You try to get your friend out of his shiet but won't leave it. You can't force someone, but you can't say I didn't try. It was really driving my pacients. Just like the other freak so many issues. What you want me to do? If you are not going to fix it then why are you freaking troubleing me with it? Rediculous. I don't know they expect of me besides to listen. That's all I can do. For how I got through my own issues it was through other peoples stories and realizing gosh my life isn't that bad. I know I can get it together. Without fail. How hope they all will find their own way as well. As we all have to take our own paths. To loves thoes even if yo do not posses it. It's thoes that need it the most. To be content with what you have. Consider it all a test, a trial we all have to go through.

Phone Congee

My goodness that was a long night. It kinda reminds me of the times I would stay up with. But this time it's one the phone. I guess like saids kinda lonely or emptyness. Think we all get that sometimes and we just need someone to listen to use sometime. I hope feels better. It's one of thoes things where you talk about everything and yet nothing. It kinda got a little personal, but be careful what you let out. But at this point I really don't care. I want to get some rest. Lulu totally bailed out on me. I'm not sure what that is all about. Pigeon stopped by today and had a talk about the white monk. He's cool with his truck load of dung. Scope pretty much told me to just be nice and friendly. I think I can do that and besides being tired, today has been going pretty well. Got to steal a piece of steak from sim and I was surprised that he did not whine and squeel like he usually does. Watching suspernanny has just reminded me why I don't want to have childern lol. Just watching it makes me tired. Wow this defrag stuff is really slow. Maybe I should just finish it up later. I really do want to move this and to get it all done. It really is like a dream and now it's wolf man time ^^

More Dung

Lol best friend born as a worm in a pile of shit. The worm would wiggle and rive. Leave the worm to its pile of shit. I am a fat monk but it is not my fault. I get pressured, forced, cajoled. So when it is winter, always know there is the spring comes soon. Don’t go running around. You have to run sometimes, but not all the time. Need to stop, to remind yourself, to center yourself. Learn how to stop. To heal and to grow, to get out of the shit pile.

I decided to let the poor mind rest a bit. Last night, no music or anything. Just the sweet bitter silence. I need to put myself at ease so when I need to I can have the ability to do things when I need to. So what about now? I feel better today, much better. So I been turned down. Oh well. His lost, but it just what might be the thing that's saving me a bunch or trouble. But looking ahead lots to do next week and the poor little bugger isn't feeling well. It's best he get some rest anyways. Whatever the reason is it doesn't matter. But it doesn't mean I can't be positive about it anyways. I'm not so positive about econ though. I'm not sure what to do about it now, but Lord has given me time so I must use it wisely. I would go to bible study if I could, too bad I can't. But has thing been better since it? I can't tell yet. But it's all going the way it should be. So lets not thing too much or try to controll things. Things tend to work better if you let it be so enjoy the ride. And on a side note, he's kinda cute ^^

Happiness in Misserie

And so I got off the phone and he ends it with I'll call you tonight. And I would usually answer with a what for? But I guess it doesn't matter what the reason is. Friends can call for whatever reason for all I care. But I don't call for no reason and most guys don't do anything for no reason because they don't waste time (especially this one) and are goal objective oriented. Who knows and who cares. Best of us can find happiness in misserie. I don't care what you think. But at least I got the answer I expected. I'll let sim know when to come get me tomorrow. It's not too late tomorrow and we'll see how much I can get done. I got the crapy paper due. I would get back at 10 or at least close to it. Oh great the arsehole closes the window now I'm going to freeze to death. Shinae can punch out an 6 page essay and get an A and why can't I? It's rediculous why I can't do as well no more. Why WHY why. The new KCLD player is really cool. I'm not sure what silverlight is, but I like it. It's pretty and has some sparkle and flair to it.

Oddish Truckload of Dung

Been a long time since I cam across that word. And with a name like that you know you can't forget it.

And such an arsehole. But I take it as a sign. Especially when it was so clear and from the Lord. I more or less expected it. So gey. But so am I. I did kinda wanted to go out. But I know it won't expectations. So it's better I don't. So to consider the option of going out with LuLu. But lets not think about it now. I have other more pending things I need to take care of. And pressing issues. So take it down one at a time. Taro is telling me to keep to myself today. I will try so I can get all that I need to get done. I shall not seek out others. Lets just keep everything very vauge. Even if I don't extend housing. I can always crash at lulu's place. But that last part can be the lulu thing and he called me stupid. Bad memories. But try not to take it personally. OH bad thought. That would so caused a scene. That is not the way. I can not go down that path again. I can not take that direction. Although I wished I could say that, but I know I don't have it in me to do so. So let it go. Like everything else just learn to let it all go. The more you desire and long for something, the more pain it will cause you. You need to like the artical saids, gurad your heart. I know I have not been doing a good job. But I promise to keep you safe. No more going out of your way, no more. Can get it once ask for it. Else you do it on your own. I am no saint nor can I be like jesus. For I am me. That's all I can be. And once again so gey and so am I. I'll leave it at that for now.

Okay so that line I don't know why it doesn't want to go down. maybe it's the image screwing things up. The road to hell is paved with good intension. It's very true. You mean well and somehow it's all worng. You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it. Depersonalize everything.

So all this was part of something that didn't work and so I moved it and problem or what was not a problem more a mere obsitcal solved. Simplicity. I am starting to feel better, but I feel the need to clean myself up. I think I will feel much better after that. So the plan of attack for today. I need notes for the phil paper and then more less oh first look up estate book and find thoes 3 steps to solve the problem. For the rest, you need to get at least one done in order to get a java chip you got it? I know you want one. So get cracking and I will get you one. Gogogo

So Polite

Some random stranger. He has an accent, but it's cute. So nice. Unlike that little punk missing class. But maybe I should sympathisize, but It's not like I didn't try. Can do be an arsehole all wants. I'm tired. I will not ask. If nothing today then forget it and save it. But what about LuLu? I will think about it? Goodness, Rainusm really does looks so snazzie. It's like I wanna look like that to to have his style. It's not like I want him funny thing, it's more like I want to be like him. My idol. Lesbo after all remember? =P

I smell lovespell, it's not like I can't recognize it anywhere. I know that sent anywhere. I'm trying to think if I should call. Just to see if the poison worked in any case lol But either way, I don't need to do anything. But I need to know if I need to fill out that crapy form and reply Lulu, but I still got a few hours to let it faut ha. Ye they were right the video for the better first part was okay, but then they got sloppy. Think they rushed it out. It's so disjointed. But maybe the second half will make it all make sense. Because afterall stories have a funny way of being out of order and we remember it differently. But such a cuties in the first part with the arse wiggle. And it's not like I get along with them all that well. No matter. I leave it in their hands. I can't controll most of it. But if I need to I shall ask. So pretty much nothing. I am going to do everything even without you. I can't decide if I like many platies or just a few. But there's something about having many and fancing the right direction. But aparently someone didn't like so many and changed it. Good old Nickelback. Forever is a very long time. I can barely live with myself. It seems nice but we all have problems and we just exchange one problem for another. I want nothing and I am nothing.

expect the unexpected

Daily Planetary Overview
With the Moon trine Uranus today, expect the unexpected. You will have to adapt to changing circumstances. There will be a lot of instability today but also excitement. You may have a feeling of restless anticipation for reasons you cannot pinpoint.

Your Horoscope - Today, October 20, 2008
When faced with ten entrees on the menu, it may be hard for you to choose just one. Feel free to order two or more, melly. Don't let indecisiveness slow you down. At the same dime, don't view it as something negative. The key for today is to go with the flow. Expand your dreams as far and wide as you wish. Have fun as long as you are willing to take full responsibility for your actions.

And I just had that thought about the unexpected and out this pops out. I think I did read this before but thought nothing much of it and out pops him out of the blue about wanting to be friends. I should go see some people today. I don't feel much like talking now, but I just want to get it all over with. I didn't expcet to see him either but there he was biking in front of me and then I caught a climsp of him on the way down. Then the whole free housing thing kinda freaked me out a bit. But we;ll see where that leads if anywhere. Free may I add again.


Love: The World
Touchstone: The Hanged Man
Career: Temperance

-->Today, you’re in no mood to declare your undying devotion to your partner, mel. The conjunction of the Hanged Man and the World puts you in a bad position for making sacrifices or concessions. You keep your distance rather than get too involved, and you prefer light-heartedness to stability. You must act as you think best, but take care not to hurt those close to you with your fickle attitude. In your work environment, you are seriously hampered by a lack of freedom, and this is causing you a great deal of frustration. Temperance and the Hanged Man show that you are trying hard to adapt to the situation, but that the slightest provocation might have you storm out of the office. Unless you really feel it is worth making that supreme effort, don’t propose any sacrifices which you will only regret later.

Sure there is no undying devotion today. But I do want to just get it over with. So what does that all mean? But it does say to keep my distance. Okay, so I just drop it off and then go. I do know my situation and I got lots of craps to take care of today. It be better if he didn't even pick up. So I will let that tell me what I should do. omg lolx for the love part, I sure hope I don't act out some fantasy, but maybe the soup thing is as close as it gets. But it didn't say what would happen if I did lol Okay so it saids I like to beat around the bush. Whoever writes this stuff is really good not as in accurate, but can find a way to make it apply to people. And you wouldn't be looking at it if you were not looking for answers or explainations. So it's all good, it makes me feel better for the most part and I can prepare and TRY to expect.

Oh well what to do now. So lets get back and try to get something done, pack up and leave. And on a side note, the chicken barcon was tasty when toasted. So the battle plan for today. I looked at the disguession. Make mental and real notes on the Phil paper 4. And well. But that's after I pack up. Call the jerk and then call bot pau. Then do my deliveries and get back to work. Oh ye, and then check on Troy. Just suck it up and do it. You waited long enough. Don't be so irresponsible. Still the idea of mikey the player turn poker player is still kind of sureal. I'm still really bothered by everything and am really antsy. Lets see if I feel better later.

So Demanding

Love: The Sun
Touchstone: Strength
Career: The Chariot

-->Today, you’ll be expressing your love with the help from the card of Strength and the Sun, dear melly! Your special relationship will gain intensity and passion, regardless of whether you’ve been together for a long time or not. And yet, such intensity always carries an element of risk. Maybe you’re asking too much – by wanting to have constant reassurance? Try to be less demanding. That way you’ll avoid one potential source of conflict. At work, your dynamic approach and your authority could cause you to overstep the mark so that your business partners or colleagues will start to question their relations with you. Strength and the Chariot make up an explosive cocktail that’s hard to handle! Try to calm your inner fire, whatever it takes, in order to avoid all forms of conflict with your environment.

Maybe I am too demending nd I am asking too much and want to be constantly reassured. So about yesterday it seems to be all signs pointing to direction and so I went to BibleStudy. Which wasn't so bad. But I say the same for this keyboard ^^ But I do want to get all this craps done and then start on cleaning.

Okay so that wasn't so bad. I get fishies taken care of and then start printing and scanning. It's all about prevention if there's is no need then if I can prevent it then I will. I will adapt. You will see.

They are Bad Bad Bad, But they are Pretty, But Bad

Okay that was a crap shoot lol oh such a waste. Not much of a phone fella. Jerk ^^ But always be mindfull that like myself, I don't always realize what I am saying or at least I don't think it through first. So don't take too much meaning into what I say and always like hidden meaning lol Sure you shouldn't be like a communication major if you like hidden meanings so much? But to tell me none of my business???!!! arse! I would have taken any responce but that one. Hut young jung!

Oh they are working on chemistry. I so don't miss it. And what should I work on? So after reading the email of the robbery thing I really don't feel much like walking around now. Or at least stay away from groups of people or just other people in general. But so far it has been an interesting week. File you nails to reduce breakage. Noted. And moisturise, but I wash my hands too much. Isn't there a moisturiser for like nurses? I really like her, very cute and you can tell she is really into what she is doing.

Last night was really a crap shoot. I don't even want to mention it. But is it really more trouble than it's worth? But like bramh saids, it's the annoying people that we learn the most from. They are the ones that are constantly testing us, pushing us to our limits. There is no one really we can like everything about them. But this all can be a major test of pacients. Lets just listen and think about it. Make it clear what you say is from what your own perspective and nothing more. Just because they have to be an arse, doesn't mean you have to be like that. It's what not to be. Don't need to understand others. But have compassion. Don't let one action determin or define a persons character. It's one of the many things they are. I wonder if it's all an act just to get to a destination. Very frustraiting. But it is because I wanted it to go a certain direction, but it wasn't going the way I want to. See once again I am trying to controll the situation. I can not say for others, but I can account for my own actions and only analyse them and not others. What are the chances I meet someone like that...

On a side note. Oh he is so ickies, so tiny and dirty blond. Just plain ick and sicklie looking.

... distraction ^^ I am still somewhat moody. But it did help me realize how thin the walls were. For some reason I thought they were thick. But then again it's school, they are not going to give you nice walls lol cheapos. But just because they are, doesn't mean I have to be. So have I decided what I am going to do? I had this evil plan I was going to trow back what he gave me. Maybe to teach him a lesson. But for some reason knowing he's older and seems to be better than me in every way scares me. But after yesterday, I can feel a part of myself set free. I will ride of myself of it and free myself from this hold. See it was a crush. Just realize it and don't act on it. For I really think it was part of the deal. But you wouldnt want me to help right? Everything is pointing to the direction of mindfulness and compassion.

So what's in a day? I take care of the Atwood email stuff, check on Barb, then a smoothie to calm me down and something to nibble on. Oh ye then go see if they really don't sell phone cardes here. I need to plan better, but I owe Ian a call anyways. Go through class. Then really need to start to think about topics for estate and questions for management and start to churn out Phil. Just printed a bunch of stuff, forget that it's not double sided printing here. My bad. But I shall keep that in mind for next time. Remember to silently listen, but it doens't mean you can't express your oponion or have to keep it to yourself. Oh ye, gotta set a meeting with Troy, tomorrow. Lets see how far this takes me.

Honestly, I really can't tell with him. I mean seriously. But then again I only see one side of him. It's not my job to figure him out but to accept him for who he is as this can't be figured out person lol Fun Fun, I know some interesting people. I have logical reasons and I will fight him on it. I will not accept unacceptable behavior. But then again, if I just want to get a point across don't think he's stupid, maybe people afterall can be moved by compassion...

Oh yay just peeped at Econ Hw and it looks like it's in order, but not too happy that it has two lines and might have to do the runs for both numbers.

... I sure like to get side tracked. It's not like I have not tried to change people in that old way and it has not worked. Plus, I get the same song it's not helping. So don't then. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just. You know there's nothing you can do to help. Just have faith and listen in content. For al of us in our darkest moment, just wants someone to listen.

Guess it's like pictures even the most handsome abd pretty has bad angles. It's really how you choose to look at them. Like how choose not to save the not so flattering images and only the ones I find pleasent. Like you can pick and choose qualities you like and either focus on either one or another. Can we every see things for what they are? Can we accept what is not perfection in our eyes? I know I am starting to get off topic.

Maybe it really is about time I unlock some compassion. To have faith and believe in the goodness in people and in yourself. Sometimes we are all about ones self, and other times we forget about ourself. Is it really that we know ones self the best and know what is best for ourself? I do hope so I will do the right thing in the best interest for myself and others around me. I know what happens will be as it should be. I will be able tow rok with what I have. Even now technically. But do I sometimes set myself up for failure? What is true failure is the thought of it. It's not even an option. My dear Rain. The story of my Life.

You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it

Oh Dear

Sometimes I do wonder what in the freaky deaky world an I thinking? It's better to make a friend then an enemy like daddy saids. But I don't need to worry about such things. If people don't take the incicative, then it's their loss. I did try to do my part.

Okay now I know freaking blind lol And has bad taste. Must becareful. CAn't be serious that finds any of that attractive. Rediculous. I know it's going to be a bad day when you run into something like that so early in the morning. Be observant.

Now wondering to buy or not to. I already checked walgreens and speak of the devil. I guess I could, it's only $2 and maybe it can help my scrubbie face when I don't use the other scrub or use it in combination because I really do get flakie. Okay so it's decided I go get that taken care of after I hope back into the room to organize something and then buy it then dash off the the library. That's the plan of attack. Gogogo!

Okay so the library plan did not work out so well. And I get some gossip in. But overall I think it went pretty well. There's something about that I admire too. His work ethics. A little rough around the edges, and the smell. But over all a good person. So hungie but I got 30mins. And goodness getting cold. I hope to be able to learn something from. Both are like that, so frustraiting. Wonder if it's a front they put up. But this one is a more friendly front. Maybe the cold is a sign to leave. Today scope doesn't say much of anything this week. So many it's a slow week. No drama or anything. It's a good thing.

No matter. So what's the plan now? I put everything away, put on face, and then boogie on down to Garvy. By the time we get done it might be late and do the docorating for an hour or so. Start notes on Phil paper and look over Econ HW4. Gotta kick arse on that one. Anything else? Gosh getting cold, better go and be back to figure out the rest later.

Okay so after that meeting it sounds like decorating may take more than an hour or so. We'll see what happens. It really depends on how many people show up to help.

It's Over

I guess it was over before it even started. It this the price you pay? Is it too much? Is it worth it? Tell me it's worth it. Tell me everything will be okay at the end. They are so pretty. So precious. It's what I really want. Guppies are nice, but there's something about red platies. Five more days before the album is released. I look forward to it. I have bigger things to be concerned about. I be done hopefully before it's all said and done. It wouldn't last anyways. So lets end the heartache before it goes too far and hurt yourself. I just want to better myself. Give yourself choices, when you have choices, you have power.

You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it

Depression

I can feel it starting to consume me. I am trying to be productive so you can be proud of me. Some things have a way of backfireing me. But it's best to tell less about yourself. You never know what can come out and if somethings can come back to haunt you. But I don't think it will get anywhere far. As much as I long for, I know I have a gut feeling it won't go anywhere. I will leave it be now. I leave it in the Lords hands. I wonder about Jesus. Is he someone I can turn to? It can't hurt to try. He's more human anyways or at least he should know what it's like being one of us. But just to love and expect nothing more. I think I can do that. You think this image best describes the situation or knows how I feel? It's nice though. But try to be understanding. Be pacient. Be compasionate. Be what others can not be. Be what they need you to be for them and yet be yourself. Love thoes who can not love themselves. Don't try to understand something you can never understand, but then again neither can he. I am starting to feel better already. He's just so difficult to read. I pray for thee.

Fone

Did it was it was outragious to be charged 25 cents for a call that went straight to voice mail? I keep forgeting to ask him. Lets not depend on him and do things on your own. I don't need him nor will I ever want him. He can go wallow on his own. I am not bitter, but it helps to get me through this. This is technically the second time. Think I have learned my lesson yet? How many times does it take? How many times must I break before I shatter? How many times can I break till I shatter? He's a night owl anyways and I like morning doves. I can make a list all I want and it will say what I already know. Just too different. You just can't bring people from two worlds together, only if it was god's will then I will not deny him. I will not fight it nor will I chase after it. Only take opertunities. It's always back to you.

Taro

October 8, 2008

Love: The Moon
Touchstone: The Emperor
Career: The Hanged Man

-->You'll be able to keep that flood of emotion under control today. The Emperor is giving you the determination to turn your personal plans into reality and lay down lasting foundations for your relationships, whereas the Moon is developing your sensitivity and imagination. In your efforts to charm, you don't hesitate to show how original you can be, dear mel. But underneath that eccentric exterior, people can tell there beats an honest heart that's looking for a stable relationship. In terms of work, your to-do list gets longer and longer thanks to the demands of those around you. Under the influence of the Emperor, your colleagues or clients come over all rigid and demanding, and this tends to hamper your freedom of action. Don’t be tempted to rebel against this sudden authoritarianism: try to do as others tell you without flinching, because despite all appearances, this will all contribute to eventually stabilizing your position.

I do feel much more stable now. Not so desperate and out of control. I do feel much better now. I must be witty and charming. There beats an honest heart that's looking for a stable relationship. I really wish there was. My to do list does get longer and longer. Hope it's not too demanding. But I do have a quiz to do. But it's not due till later. But I should try to get it done as soon as possible. Guava does taste a little funny, it sure doesn't look the way I expected it to. But it does taste like one. I'm just upset that I got charged for a call that someone didn't pick up. I mean okay if it went to voice but it did go to voice right away and charged me 5 cents more than a usual call would. Rediculous. I still knew there was a good chance no if I stayed long enough. But I still thought nothing of it. Then run into him again and goodness for once said something nice which makes me feel all warm and fuzzies. So polite. And I will leave that be. Just be you and not what others want for you will then never be happy with yourself.

I think in general I do like this scope. I think I can use this in the long run for most occasion. But I seem very tired right now like I need to take a nap. Yet I do not really want to eat. But I feel I should. But I can wait until later to eat something. For now I just want to take a nap... Okay or not. I ended up doing the quiz and I was thinking I would get a lot more worng, but it turned out okay. One worng, so disapointed. But still better than I had hoped.



My god it's Rain too XD He looks so good with short hair. Who knew he could pull it off. Haha got all the eye candy I need for some time now. So dashing in the suit. Can't say I like angst much, but still so cute.

Funny

It really is funny how one compliment weather he means it or not can really brighten up someone's day.

Taro

Love: The Lovers
Touchstone: The Moon
Career: Death

-->It's not exactly a trouble-free day today in romantic matters, dear mel… The Moon and the Lovers are working in tandem, creating an atmosphere of discouragement and uncertainty... You are inclined to distrust the good intentions of the people close to you and to question their love. It goes without saying that such feelings are diametrically opposed to creating an atmosphere of happiness and fulfillment... Be on your guard against an onset of the blues! As far as work is concerned, you are expecting a big change, an agreement or a contract perhaps, a promotion, or another important decision … But since this development is currently under the influence of the card of Death and the Moon, it might take a while yet. Unfortunately, there is nothing else you can do but be patient. Trying to accelerate things will only have the opposite effect! So, prove to yourself and to the rest of the world that you can wait.

Freaky isn't it? But then again I feel the same yesterday. I don't know what's worse. it really is starting to drive me crazy. Pacients is truely a virtue. I stilll need to learn it. I did try to jump the gun. It might be a good thing that the fone didn't ring. It's like I already know the answers and events. And yet I hope for something different. I don't want anything now. No more. I will just trust you. John Legend featuring Andre 3000 - Green Light has a very cool funky beat. I just don't want to think about anything right now.

Think I am getting to the point where it's like screw this. He sucks anyways and now it's I don't care. I just want to be the best I can be. I will do this for me now. No longer for him. But since it just kinda came my way, I will go tomorrow for me. For my own information. You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it

SCOPE

Daily Planetary Overview Relationships will be strained with Venus sextile Saturn. You will have to balance work with your personal life and keep your obligations to your partner. However, your sense of duty and commitment will be strong all day.

Your Horoscope - Today, October 7, 2008
The general atmosphere of the day may seem too slow and stodgy for you, melly. Try not to get bogged down in the details. Also, try not to worry too much. You may find that it is difficult to get any enthusiasm out of people today. You might just want to sit back and take it easy. This is a good day to plan and reorganize. Honor your recent achievements and consolidate all that you have worked for.

For the most part it's pretty right. Just a slow day. It could be better.

You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it

Meeting

For some reason I felt like the test is over. I feel like I can really let it go, yet he's the reason why I do some things. So far it has been a good positive thing. More work than I would usually take on. It has hurt me some, but I shall find a way through it. So like all the others, I think him. He paid me back without having me to nag on him or anything. Kinda generious I have to agree. But after what I have done for him, lets call it even. I owe him nothing after all I do for him. He jokes around quite a bit. It's okay I do too, but there's always some truth to what I way for I would not lie. But we are two different beans. Mean kerng moe hung fook, you can see a person everyday, but if it wasn't meant to be, nothing will ever happen. But I did read something to try to bump or opertunity to run into someone. To make them think it was meant to be.

Okay, I will give it one last try. But it's really the last. I have all but given in. We'll see if I run into him tomorrow. One last chance. It will be God's will. I will not deny him.

But what made me realize how nothing could ever happen is that I am doing it for all the worng reasons. We are just so different. I in general can get a long with anyone because I like everything and yet nothing. Else he's a mess. He really looked like crap today, but in a cute scrubbie way. *sigh* I will get over him like everyone else. There are qualities I admire in him, a new perspective. Someone different than what I am use to. Hopefully I will learn something. Even the job fair I would not have gone if he didn't push it in my direction. I take it as a sign and I will go. And it gives me a chance to dress up for fun ^^ Don't worry be happy and have fun. I hope for the best for him. He's really a good person, a wee bit how to say it... judgmental? But he expects much out of himself and so he does out of others as well. But I can't seem to take it. But I been around others where they don't expect much and I get frustraited with them. Maybe it's time to try something new. But like they say, people like to be around stupid people so they will themselves feel smarter. I think in a way it's true for me. But I still don't want to try that hard. Or at least I say I don't so if I ever fail. I just say I didn't really try when I really did. Did that make any sence?

A picture really does make a difference. It really is pretty. So lovely. I like it. I especially like how the words wrap around the image. So okay maybe I went a little too image happy. Too much image and too little words. next time no more than one image and one bar and that should be more than enough. Else there's just not enough words to keep the whole thing balanced. Either way, I decided to let it all go. I have lost sight of my goal. And I know things can go well if things all go according to plan. The time it takes is not so much of a factor than me just needing to finish. But all will be clear in due time. So you admire him, then start being like him. Keep busy and soon enough you will see what it is that you are to do. Extension or not, I still need to work on the paper. I still need to get it done. Please give me the strength to get me through this. Thanks you. I am better off alone, but I do hate the idea I am getting sick of this lovely song.

Always remember..You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it

Feeling Stupid

It's like I already know or at least I can feel what is going to happen. It's so vivid in my mind right now. Like a same familar feeling. It's no longer a longing. More or less a worry now. And yet I am not sure what to make of it right now. It's like I am antsy, always watching my back. The things I need for once I did not bring. In an failed atempt to lighten the load. I know it's not possible. For some reason the song Natasha Bedingfield - Angel doesn't sound like her and in the video she looks like Madona and Gewn Stafanie at time. not sure what to make of her either. But I really do like this song too. For some reason I feel like or smell animal crackers. Come to think of it. If it was a febal atempt to see him and because of it I didn't. I would be upset wouldn't I? It's really how you relate to everything. To keep more to yourself. Always be on guard and prepare a witty come back in every akward situation. It could be because the base on this is really good. And then it reminds me of drums and guess who plays drums? I don't expect an reply from him. But it's there if it ever needs my attention. I am tempted to call her and ask her, but am I bringing more trouble to myself?

But from what the Scope saids, I should be able to get many things done. I can still try on the paper and finish it off tomorrow. It's time to consolidate. I have been more consistant with this, but it's starting to hurt my back. Or maybe I should just sit up straight for once. But I don't see anything where it tells me that I should try or call. Just to get away from it all for a bit. Maybe it's right. I need to get away and regroup and not let any of them effect me in any way.

I shouldn't and don't expect anything. No need to consern yourself with things that do not involve you. And this is why I want to keep my thoughts to myself. Or at least I should try to better and not try to manipulate anyone to do anything. And suddenly I feel like a smoothie again. A very blond latina that you wouldn't be able to tell because she's so european looking. You tell me what part of her is Latina? Goodness the hits on this song is insain. And here I am feeding the monster ^^ I still need a better idea on what they do. My goodness so much effort just for a baby pumpkin.

And now I am feeling bored. So maybe it's more like sleepie. I am kinda getting thirsty. But I am really getting tired. But I should plan out my day so I can actually get some crap done. Not hungie for once. That's a pleasent surprise. But now I'm so thirsty and tired. maybe I should go take a nap. But where. But it's only 10. Okay that's wierd. I thought I lost it, but appears to be hiding in my bag some how. but how did it get there? I know it was hanging on my bag before. So how did it get in there? @_@ my god. Even though it's damaged, things really do have a way of coming back to you. Am much too responcible in clearing all the candy today. Oh god, see how a really bad mnt dew perks me right up or wa it the little walk. I really don't taste anything but the stinging of the carbon. So if I already know or can feel what is going to happen. Can I change it then? Can I prepare for it then? Or have I done this all before and I am just reliving it? It's this feeling again. It comes and goes.

Lets think about this. Things are not going so well on all fronts. So It's time to recover and reset and creat a plan of attack. Even the eating I need to plan it all. But it looks like tomorrow it's going to be a garvy day. So no need to worry about the food front. But what about Wednessday. It has been awhile subway, but so tired of the same sandwitch.

So I do end up passing the time by filling out a survey from shinae. It's interesting. Nothing too difficult. But it made me think about a few things. In a way I am content. It can always be worse. I am not failing anything, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'll end this for the night. Tomorrow really need to get rolling on things.


You should cherish everything even if you don't possess it

Him

And suddenly out of the blue and mesage from him. I didn't know what to think. I was thinking of him, but it's so unexpected. I was in no hurry to reply him. Why are you messing with me or testing me? What am I to do..

Why was there no warning of this? Should I be so distressed? Actually I am handeling this pretty well. At least better than I expected. So now I got more and more issues. Should I just put it all on the back burner till I can figure this out? So many things to do. So lets start on something before I freak out. Almost all the things I don't need to do are done.

After listening to some of this, I'm starting to want to go now. Oh what to do. Please send me a sign will you? But so much. And then he shows up too. Goodness what's with everyone today? Is it something with the moon today? Or it could be the weather. Okay so I give him like 6 more mins to answer else I'm outta here. Because 10mins is more then enough and I gotta pee ^^ And no reason to make the words so small when I'm the one that has to read it. Why make it so hard on yourself? I don't know what he wants. Just some company I guess. But it's none of my concern. I just want to be a good friend and I spazed on him. I'm sorry. It seems so much easier now days to say. I guess I do have him to thank.

It's funny how the unexpected happens.

War of Words

Goodness, not even I can deny it at this point.

October 5, 2008
Tarot reading for mel:

Love: The Tower
Touchstone: The Empress
Career: The Chariot


-->You're not in the mood to mince words today, spurred on as you are by the alliance of the Empress and the Tower. Anyone who dares to criticize you will suddenly find themselves on the receiving end of a few home truths. You don't really have the confidence to win this dangerous war of words, dear mel, but you just can't stop yourself from "telling it like it is." Let's hope your loved ones will forgive you.

Creepy I just got off the phone with him and there it is.

cont.. In the work sphere, you have the energy and the drive that are needed to push your projects forward. The Empress, which here symbolizes the social aspects of your professional environment, seems to be open to any suggestions. So all you need to do is show courage and determination in order to promote your arguments and to lead your Chariot where it seems appropriate. Whatever your exact circumstance, you should know that you have what it takes to get people on your side.

Your Horoscope - Today, October 5, 2008
A project, which you're rather excited about, could require some intense work alone today, melly. You might sometimes feel as if the four walls are closing in on you, but you need to concentrate in order to get the best possible results. You'll also need to take occasional breaks in order to clear your head. Nonetheless, at the end of the day you're likely to be quite happy with what you've accomplished. Go to it!

For my sake, I really do hope so.

So like I said before, I just got off the phone with the little punk. Sometimes I do really wonder why I do like him. Do I really like him all that much or is it something else? Maybe I am to see how different we are. How it just isn't the way I imagine. But I still do like him. Not like he did anything too horrible. He's still very sweet. Some what surprisingly considerate? But I really don't know what you are thinking. So what do I do with him? What do I do with such a bean? Or maybe nothing at all. So lets take care of myself, but I do need to later do some damage con troll. So lets not worry, not like I need him anyways. But it's always best not to let anyone know what you are really thinking or feeling. I can't get that close to him. I just can't. So lets keep it really. There's only one love for me on this earthly world. But it was so close that I slipped. But I held back. Be careful with what you say.

Last night was different. For some reason he seemed sincere. And for some really I really liked him for that. So sweet. But who knows. So silly. But there are still things that are so different and even so, it can never be. You gotta protect yourself. Now is not the time. I wouldn't be able to take it again. Even now it's difficult.

Tough Love

Gotta be tougher on people. I do need to call him. I just got back on campus and was wondering how would I get there, but I think I have it figured out. But how will I get back?

Hmm..

One of the few days I thought of him the least. But after his voicemail, it's questionalable. Let me try to remember, so no grocery on Saturday, but sure about going to Lulu's shin dig, but want to get a gift together. And what does all that translate to? I really don't know lol But he did sound a bit off today. So not sure what to think of it. He should say what he wants to get her. So this really doesn't help me at all. So frustraiting. But the scope did say today and tomorrow was going to be difficult. So how should I prepare and handle it? It just really doesn't look good for me at all today and tomorrow. Hopefully Sunday will be better. I will know by tomorrow.


To be busy and yet avalible.


Lets try to get things together for tomorrow and I can work on econ and all the others in the morning since it's be a Saturday, there be nice Saturday morning cartoons and I can drop a call to the jerk if he thinks he can call me so last. We'll see, one at a time. It may not feel like anything is getting done, but as progress is slow and steady. I think I need some Braman lectures. It's the indecesion that hinders us. As long as you make a decesion, it can not be worng. Bought a pair of ear rings. It's the same pair. At first I didn't really like it. I wanted a pair just like Yuki, but I didn't remember what color they were. If they were silver or gold. But now I am more content with them.

A change of energy. Change your view.

Aww poor thing is not feeling well. I am too soft on him.

Later that Day

That was sure a ramble.

So I went back early and roomy wasn't there either. All seemed so bad when I couldn't get into the bathroom and dreaded talking to the CA, but once I got myself together to go do it, it wasn't so bad. Actually it was even nice. Who knew. Things have a way of never appearing or happening you expect it.


And it just hit me again when I was looking up NeYo and ran into NeYo - Miss Independent ha. It's a sign?


She got her own thing That's why I love her


And here's another one it was just the other day when I realize what they were saying O.A.R. - Shattered.


How many times can I break till I shatter.


I'm not really tired right now. But I should try to get some rest. I am so tempted, but I don't want to be a bother. So not today. Give it a rest. Give myself a break and chance. Plus funny scope said nothing of it. Maybe like Shinae said, it's a sign from God. But this does make the decesion to go home much easier. As long as there is no reason to stay, I shall go. I already have been shattered once and it took a long time to put myself together or maybe I haven't really put myself together really. Maybe I am just barely holding on. I am broken. But I will make do with what I have. See so many songs today. One for every mood and emotion.

So just talked to Lulu and still deciding if I should. Funny that she didn't get my call. But either way. It's the feeling of missing someone that hurts. I really do need to not grow so attached. I really can't beleive a thing or most things he saids. It's just like noodle. Say things just to make you happy. But keep in mind not everyone is like you. There's always some truth in what I way, the root of it is always true. So much writing today. So many thoughts. I do feel a wee bit better. One day is already so hard. Imagin if I fall any deeper. But knowing the feelings are not returned it saddens me.

But I love you just because I do. Just because you are, for being you. Even if it's all a lie. Thanks for a lovely dream. Thanks for the memories, that's for sure. Thanks for making me so happy even if it wasn't real, thanks for trying. Thanks for the good times and the bad. Thanks for showing me the way.

People are really like songs. At first you can't get enough of them. And then you can't image lie without them and spend as much time with them over and over again. So much that you get sick of them. They become boring and predictable. Then you spend less time with them and then soon the slightest thought of it makes you sick. Is there a way around it? Or is it all invetable? But there are always new songs. But can there be a song where you will always remain loyal to? It's not like I haven't thought this through. I know the cycle. It will end the same way. So enjoy the ride. Have fun. Make memories as Miss Frizzel said. (I'm surprised that it's actually right)

I look around me and I see people working so hard. I can't seem to work as hard as they do. Although I try to and I appear to be. But it just doesn't seem to be as effective. Even tonight, hour turns into 2 hours and what for? I take this time to self reflect. I promise you in the morning it be a new day.

Tummy

Think today maybe of all the days I thought of it the least by far. So I would guess it's a good thing. I don't want to grow too attached and then not be able to set myself free or to have it break me off. But either way, should be able to see him tomorrow. And wouldn't want to run out of things to talk about. From what I hear, he needs his alone time but who knows. Maybe it's all an act. He saids he's fine, but he doesn't seem to be content at all. Guess because of him, I start to worry. Setting back into old habbits and ways I have long tryed to get over.

I guess before I was a stickeler on the phone. And now it's getting too much. But either way it's a good thing. To get away and it's better for the phone bill.

And back to the orginal topic. Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers not so tasty and making the tummy not feeling so well.

Oh he's actually a CA but I couldn't tell when he's fast and furious scribbling like a mad man. But it's not nice to talk about or think about someone behind their back is it? Shhh..

Think today it hit me for some reason that there's no future. The more I think about it, the more like sim he is. And so we get along, but after fumofuu.. his story of how it was all ruined. Obession turns into hate and careless. It happened to me too and it can happen again. It's only what I think. I can't tell what others are thinking or feeling. But with time I guess you can eventually feel them out. But if they are all like moomoo then I am screwed ^^

But I try to be fair. I try to try. As long as I try, it's enough. I know I tryed for him. I really did. Even if the path lead to a path of distruction, I still took the road that was truely paved with good intensions. I should just stick with my first love and only love.

Lord.. whoever.. guide me. In what shall I ever do. The want and need is still there. It's strong. I wait and wait. But what do I wait for? Not even I know. It seems so simple. I really do feel it is. I was so certain, but now.. I feel douts. Something changed, something is different, but yet the same. I am tired. I don't want to be up so late no more. I am not the same person anymore or no, it's a lie. I want to be different but I am not. I am the still same old me as I am. The more I do, the more tired I get. Either way, it will get done one way or another.

There is no right or worng path or decesions, just differet ones that all lead to the same place. They all seem to find a way to disapoint you. So please just love yourself and take care of yourself. You will guide me and I will know what to do.

hmm come to think of it, did he say he was on duty? But no matter, he has my number.