As this weekend has been more than distracting and discouraging and even less productive. Been working on trying to get more focus to spend less time on things. What I think I am even if I think about things I don't want, but by spending time on them I end up focusing on them and become them. If that's true then better spend more time on the things you want rather than the thing not. Maybe easier to focus on fewer things and a fun thing or two at the same time than to become overwhelmed. So arrivals, cpp chap, and a self help book weather it's never eat alone or lean in.
That book title caught my eye because I'm a sense a part of myself wants to be included but at the same time desiring space. Not to wait for things to happen. Have the grit to make them happen as you desire. The radio this morning reminded me of what can not be. It's the same old same old and getting tired of it. The bondathon from Sunday reminded me what little in common we have and it's a fleeting moment by moment thing. I wouldn't even put anyone in the buddy category. Let's dwell on this less and more focus on self. Only on what you can get out it. When you got nothing for me you no longer serve any purpose for me. I know it's rather cold but only have so much time and space and self needs to take up most of it and if you are not helping them you are in the way.
As I try to apply grit and positive thinking, I find myself conflicted in what I should be thinking. Can I want what I can't have or seek out challenges knowing it will never pass? To pursue something relentlessly? Can I pursue multiple items at a time or I think you put focus on one thing at the moment. I don't know if I'm the type that can only focus on one thing purely for a period without getting it loosing my attention.
After class today as I hear the stories they tell themselves and they truly believe in what they are saying. As an outsider looking in, it's just craziness that in no way could work out. But all too familiar they tell them self the story so many times that they believe it. Only if I can believe in other things just as easily. Can I get myself to believe in other things the same way. Must believe is not avalible and is even batting for the other team even. Believe that it's a front that put up as I do the same. Other than that, today fairly ordinary. How my eyes sting. Is this my punishment or the sun screen? It's like perpetual pain and discomfort. Try to do the right thing by putting on screen and it results in just pain. At least it's pain not related to the heart. It's the pain that brings you to the edge and back. There hasn't really been on in the last ten years to say. Prior there was one here and there. Can't say it was a good time since wells. It was a rather confusing time. You remember the excitement of the unknown but forget the pain of not being enough. Like the whole suit thing for example. Looks great on most but then I want one myself to look as handsome in one. Seldom do I desire a dress unless it was a power suit or something fun on a rare occurrence.
That book title caught my eye because I'm a sense a part of myself wants to be included but at the same time desiring space. Not to wait for things to happen. Have the grit to make them happen as you desire. The radio this morning reminded me of what can not be. It's the same old same old and getting tired of it. The bondathon from Sunday reminded me what little in common we have and it's a fleeting moment by moment thing. I wouldn't even put anyone in the buddy category. Let's dwell on this less and more focus on self. Only on what you can get out it. When you got nothing for me you no longer serve any purpose for me. I know it's rather cold but only have so much time and space and self needs to take up most of it and if you are not helping them you are in the way.
As I try to apply grit and positive thinking, I find myself conflicted in what I should be thinking. Can I want what I can't have or seek out challenges knowing it will never pass? To pursue something relentlessly? Can I pursue multiple items at a time or I think you put focus on one thing at the moment. I don't know if I'm the type that can only focus on one thing purely for a period without getting it loosing my attention.
After class today as I hear the stories they tell themselves and they truly believe in what they are saying. As an outsider looking in, it's just craziness that in no way could work out. But all too familiar they tell them self the story so many times that they believe it. Only if I can believe in other things just as easily. Can I get myself to believe in other things the same way. Must believe is not avalible and is even batting for the other team even. Believe that it's a front that put up as I do the same. Other than that, today fairly ordinary. How my eyes sting. Is this my punishment or the sun screen? It's like perpetual pain and discomfort. Try to do the right thing by putting on screen and it results in just pain. At least it's pain not related to the heart. It's the pain that brings you to the edge and back. There hasn't really been on in the last ten years to say. Prior there was one here and there. Can't say it was a good time since wells. It was a rather confusing time. You remember the excitement of the unknown but forget the pain of not being enough. Like the whole suit thing for example. Looks great on most but then I want one myself to look as handsome in one. Seldom do I desire a dress unless it was a power suit or something fun on a rare occurrence.
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