Thranduil

I know what I want to write about, but I want to change my focus.
I am more deterred to eat this week due to a comment from a nosie chicken. But should I let it have such an impact? I'm torn over if I am myself or should even by myself or to please others to get what I want. I haven't been myself for so long I don't know who I am really or what I am. Always trying to be everything others want. What about what I want? Is what I want what others want? Thought about this and am still not sure what the answer is. I sleep because I think I should. I don't get up early because I don't want to be questioned. What if I didn't give a rats about what others thought? At least of the ones that had minimal impact. Does it come back down to the fear of change in their vision of myself that I try to keep it the same? Am I even different or the same, just allowing another side of myself to appear?

All I know is that this is not working. The clutter, the mess, the stuff. I'm not happy with it yet I can't let it go from an emotional and physiological side. I toss and I am wasteful. I keep and I am a hoarder.  I just can't win. How can I overcome this? Why can't I have fewer nicer things? No one will notice things slowly disappearing. Let it go to try to set myself free. I keep waiting for a right time, a better time, but it never seems to come. How long have I kept these things. Even if I was saving it for another, don't they deserve nice new things too? I can't wait for anyone to get on the same page. I will need to make it happen myself.