Overall today was not bad but I still feel frustrated over things not being done. I wonder should I kept better tabs and maybe I would know but do I really care since it doesn't play into my fantasy really well. Would I still be having these thoughts if have known differently? Like div mentioned daughter and it was sweet how she was brought up to enjoy camping. Wonder why was silent. Makes you wonder but there has to be plans like all Americans do. Hmm. Can I just not be content with how things are now? The dangers of too much of even something healthy can turn bad. Let's not dwell on this and do focus on yourself. It's hard through. I don't think I am honey with myself. Like I'm not the one to admire bums but recently I find myself being a bum admirer. Is it correlated to a certain individual or an attribute? I really gotta admit gawd so old.
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So just off the phone hearing more compaints. *sigh* testing my patients. It's times like these I welcome the distraction but I wonder if it's making reality worse as it pails in comparison with what I have to deal with. Already withdrawn. At least have something else to maybe to look forward to. Everything is just scrutinized until there is nothing left. Leave no rock unturned.
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I feel recently I divulge too much. Leaving myself open to scrutiny. I thought maybe I would have someone I can be open to but I don't think I agree with much. Not that you are only looking for agreement. I know in my mind I feel I am always right. I know I am not and try to keep my opinions to myself but then again that's another can of worms.
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So I saved this as a draft thinking I will come back and compete it. But it usually has not happened. The longer I am here, the more I learn and it comes from clicking around and trying things. Knowing makes things worse but it's not you, it's me. I want to place blame but it's just a story in my head that plays out. It can never be and should not be. Even here I can not be so forth coming. I can take a hint. I will take the hint. Just don't let it all go to my head. You are not appealing so you need more work on yourself. I can't help but feel. But as you get colder, it makes it easier.
Pain without love. I may have to drown myself again and kill this if it gets in the way. I'm feeling it does.
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So just off the phone hearing more compaints. *sigh* testing my patients. It's times like these I welcome the distraction but I wonder if it's making reality worse as it pails in comparison with what I have to deal with. Already withdrawn. At least have something else to maybe to look forward to. Everything is just scrutinized until there is nothing left. Leave no rock unturned.
-----
I feel recently I divulge too much. Leaving myself open to scrutiny. I thought maybe I would have someone I can be open to but I don't think I agree with much. Not that you are only looking for agreement. I know in my mind I feel I am always right. I know I am not and try to keep my opinions to myself but then again that's another can of worms.
----
So I saved this as a draft thinking I will come back and compete it. But it usually has not happened. The longer I am here, the more I learn and it comes from clicking around and trying things. Knowing makes things worse but it's not you, it's me. I want to place blame but it's just a story in my head that plays out. It can never be and should not be. Even here I can not be so forth coming. I can take a hint. I will take the hint. Just don't let it all go to my head. You are not appealing so you need more work on yourself. I can't help but feel. But as you get colder, it makes it easier.
Pain without love. I may have to drown myself again and kill this if it gets in the way. I'm feeling it does.
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