Letting Go

Sure this isn't an new idea. It doesn't look good at all. For I am have warned.

Love: The World
Touchstone: The Tower
Career: The Star

-->As far as your social life goes, nothing seems to be going right any more. The alliance of the Tower and the World inflates your ego and you’re in no mood for contradiction or reproach. At the slightest obstacle, you get on your high horse, spoiling for a fight. Careless words can easily be blown out of proportion, melly, so if you want to spare your relationship, learn to be more tactful. Everything’s at cross purposes today at work, as the energies conspire to disrupt your self-assurance. The joint influence of the Star and the Tower denote ill-contained aggression. If you don’t manage to control your emotional state, others will see you as volatile and unpredictable and as someone who cannot be trusted to solve problems in a reasonable manner. Take that as a warning ...

Realization of your own emaotions, maybe the best way to combat this. But is it the best way to deal with this is to fight it? I have to pick my battles and not go to war with everyone that stands in my way. After some salad I do feel a smudge better. But I feel as I should eat more, but I don't know what else. I know it all doesn't take long. It all shouldn't really take long once you get rolling. But it's the fear that holds me back. If I try. If I give it my all to no a due. Can't you blame me? They all say the same thing. As long as you try. But we all know what they are all truely thinking is that if you try, there is no reason you you to not to sussceed. You fail because you didn't try hard enough. So there's no pleaseing them. I already feel bad enough. And all this doesn't make things better. But I am better. Really I am. I do not blame anyone. Especially not you. I know it's only because you care. I can feel it. Yet the more you care, the more it hurts. The more I fear I may disapoint you.

So lets not beat myself over this. It shall be done. I know in a way I can get into the swing of things and I can see the many ways this can play out. I can see myself blowing up and saying the most painful things. And then I can see myself loving with understanding and compassion. How I want to be and how I am may not be the same. Always room for improvment. It's evening gloom now. Stormy. I shall rest on this for awhile. Chillie. I do hope his trip goes well and he gets an apointment in. Please be happy. I don't wish to bring anyone any pain. Especially you.

It has just started a light rain. The kind you see in the movies. Reminds me of someone that said to me once how he liked to sleep when it's raining. I hope it lasts a bit longer.