Forgotten

Is a time then things were simplier. When there were things to be done and you just did it and then do something else. Some reason something is in the way. First time in awhile feel frustration like nothing can be done or done right. Maybe I am putting too much emphasis on certain things. Maybe it's easier to just accept things and not fight it. Things are as they are. It's not part of the deal. I don't mean to break it, but I do not understand then was this a failed test? How cruel. But I am the crulest to myself. Nothing anyone can do can compare to the things I do to myself. When have I become so attached? How painful.

Head beats in pain, hopefully after a nap I shall feel better soon. Very soon. I know I didn't eat much, but that could be the I wouldn't call it stress, but it's the same reaction, it's more like distress combined with other factors. Gets some rest self, most importantly of all is yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel anything but loving kindness for one self.

I do want to be fair. But that's not thinking like a mistress is it? Wonder what's going on with the formate.
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It just accured to me that I jsut feel stupid right now. Especially for waiting for something, anticpating something that won't happen. And worse of all is that it's so connected to the past. Really do need to be busy, but I don't want to be too busy for anything. But just busy enough. Yet it also keeps me from things..

Oh silly me, there it is. it was just a silly tab option. Silly silly.

I really don't want to look anymore, I really don't want to know. But something keeps me coming back for more. Like an addiction. I know I am ill. The buggie bites sure don't help at all if any. Like I keep returning for more punishment.

~Lord, anyone out there watching over me, help me over come this dreaded self inflicted pain.