Hassle

Okay so I haven't written much this week. But I have good reason for it. Have so much to catch up on. It's almost distressing. See this is the reason I don't want to apply for anything. But in a way it's if you wait, it maybe gone. But then new oppertunties will appear. So either way it's okay. But I don't like how I have to drive around so much. Too much to prepare for. I shall finish this off at least try to when I get back from visiting the Chinchilla. I need to make some bread and then take a shower before 7pm creeps up on me. Filling out the forms sure take up a lot oh time. Would they even bother with an interview if they thought it was a waste of time?

In general, for the past week, I have been pissed. After the hang up, I didn't feel like much anything at all. All this trouble. Now I am all bothered by all this craps. Phone call this and phone call that. Do I really have freaking time for this crap? I got enough to deal with next week and I don't need it. I do hope nothing goes through. I just don't want it at this point. I can't prepare enough to get it done the way I want to and I don't want it badly enough. I don't want to make dittly squat just enough to make rent and eat the crap I have been eating of late and screw myself over like what happened last week. Freaking hell. So that's that. I know there is more. All this over one thing someone saids and I drag myself into this mess. But I shall leave it be. No use beating myself over it.

~To the Zoo~
Went to visit stephy this evening or more like her growing zoo. it's funny how I was the one to use to have the zoo and how things are switched around now. I don't want to have such desires. The chinchilla was cute, but not as friendly as I would want. Got spiked by hammy and petted snake. The parekeet was hissie. Snaked pooed and it was grose. Who knew a snake could even poo so much? The chinchilla has tiny gerbil poo and it smelled like marshmellows. Else everything was nice, plenty of PDA. Enough to be sickening? There was a slight oddish with the bedrooms. But this it's safe to assume. But no matter it's all good in the growing zoo. Pigeon had a change of plan but then later bailed on us to join the guys in drinking. Sunday morning he's in a weight lifting challenge thing. It should be ammusing. I only want to go so I can take picts for him. And it can't hurt to see if there's any cuties to peep at. Not like there's any here at the moment. Paulie bought beer with his buddy and some tea thing for steph and it tasted bad. It's at least sweet he at least got her something he thought she would like. It was funny how steph mentioned that Kristine wanted to help plan steph's wedding? Also with the whole incident with the kidney stones which I didn't really mention before, but in general paul ended up rushed to the anbulance to the hospital without insurance with about a 2k bill. Sadly I have to say I dreaded the worse. I don't want to think that way, I really don't want to. But I know it's a part of me I am working on to teach.

~Pottage~
Potted a bunch of plants today. Can't say if much or anything happened today. Got a call from the learning center about sone questions? I better listen to it again to be sure. I forget to look up the loan letter. Gotta take care of things yourself. But it just so pisses me off when people don't let me look at my own just or let me know my own junk when they already open it and don't freaking tell me. Then don't freaking open it. Fak it! I just do it now and take care of the carp shit. How can you get it worng when it's 2/10. How can you think it's 02/09 when it's already freaking passed. How simple things can be so off. Just leave my own things to me and let me deal with it. Relax. Things are usually not as difficult or confusing as it seems or as bad.

Where to start? Lets go backwards. This week of late, especilly the sides of my nails have been peeling. It's irritating. Like how many things are of late. Seems of late I have been moody. How little things irritate me. Forms annoy me the most. No use telling someine that's not around or can do a thing about it. Or more like the one that got me into trouble. So trouble some. Maybe this is my punishment.

~Dance~
So this week, was inspired by a song yesterday. Or more like it was earlier in the week. My neck feels sticky, I want to wash it before I sleep. I am too irritated to sleep. Good thing tomorrow isn't sunday. About the song, it was actually from "So You Think You Can Dance." The whole ballywood thing. Who knew a PussycatDoll song could be so catchy. So that was something that took my mind off what was bothering me for the evening. Earlier this week was feeling hopeful like I acomplished something. But it was all too soon busted. But then I got hopeful again and then disapointed. But Jai Ho was something that got my mind off the irritant and something that poped into my mind that I really didn't consider much. It's a profrssor I won't say. Never thought of it that way really before. The idea has crossed my mind before, but never really gave it any realy though. But it was kind of scary when I started to think about it.
But overall, the song did make me feel better and gave me a sence of hope I haven't had this week.

~Choices~
The choices we make. Doesn't matter as long as you are the one to make them and you can live with them. I can not let someone else decesions and choices affect the ones I make. I must do it for my own good. But can knowing what others decide help me make a better choice? You will never have all the information as much as you want it. You can only make sue of what you have and do the best you can with taking care of yourself the best you can. There will always be something you wish you knew, want to know. It can never be complete. So how much is enough? By putting myself first.

~Strained~
So after being scolded, I went and did what was wanted out of me. Does paul ever scold? It makes me feel as if I am not enough. So I try to prove it worng? I am not doing it for the right reasons. I really need to be more careful of what I am typing. Silly errors. Always leave youself with a choice. Don't back yourself into a corner.

For now, take care of yourself is on top. Don't worry how others will reply. You can do nothing to control such things or affect the outcome..