Copies

5/26

And the list of things I need to bring grows...

-Any kohls coupons
-Bath and beyond coupons
-Iron board

Meh, no time for driving will there be? Oh well. Things will find a way of working out. Like the saying goes, when we get to the edge, things will straighten out and go forward. Or something like that.

Maybe part the interested in the older guy is the stimulating convosation. But I am not sure if it will always be like that. I guess only time will tell if it was a fluke or not. So yesterday was the second meeting. I knew it. I don't want to seem vein or all hung up about myeslf, but it was true. I don't think I need to go into any details, but I think I should for memory sake. I am sure I wrote something about it before. The last occurance was was last Sunday.

According to my observations: He talked a lot, some of it touched on his personal life, else mostly took every chance to ask me something.

Second occurance: Didn't talk as much, but took every chance to ask me something or comment, invited to eat with, and commented on dress and previous dress.

After the first encounter, knew something was up and second encounter confirmed it. For now, the course of action is to treat this as a generious, lonely, courious, friendly customer.

I guess I am not as bored. I find something to either out in my mouth or to entertain myself and try to stay away from things that give me bad thoughts. I know they are there, but I just don't want to think of them all the time. I do get so tired. Yet it's one of thoes things I like to cover myself in. It's almost like I enjoy the feeling of torture. Like I am trying to find a reason to get out of it all. Am I the one longing for more? Like I am trying to find a way to justify this. Like I am trying to find a reason to let go.. I think I am prepareing myself to let go. The thought of it doesn't seem so bad now. The last time, I did prepare myself, but then I backed out of it and recommited myself all to be turned down unexpectedly. It happened so suddenly and it hurt for so long. I am still not sure if I can go through something like it agian. So I am starting to back out of it and I feel myself starting to feel numb.