Something in the Air

5/20

You Give and Give and Give and Give
Have you heard the one about the doting girlfriend who gave her heart to a guy for three years, only for him to say that he's not the marrying kind? And then when they break up, he turns around and proposes to his next GF three months later.

"I see it all the time," confesses Randi Gunther, Ph.D., couples counselor, and author of the upcoming book Relationship Saboteurs (June 2010). "Women know they have the capacity to nurture and care for men, and will be extremely giving. The problem is when a woman holds it against her partner — as if she's a martyr — and the guy suddenly feels very guilty and, even worse, obligated. A man likes a bitchy woman because she has her own agenda that isn't all about him; he likes that he's not totally responsible for her happiness."

If you enjoy being a giving person, then by all means, keep it up. Just understand that it's like putting money into a bank that has a hole on the bottom — you can't expect to cash in (say, like for a commitment from a guy). Do nice things because you want to — and don't forget to be a little selfish too.

SO I get in today and the first thing I notice is that my shoes are too comfortable... oh crap!!#&** But good thing they are so busy and we will see how long before they notice. God dam it stop moving my shoes. But it is my bad for not being as careful. Stop getting in my way and leave me alone. Stop getting things I don't like to eat. This morning war of the roses was interesting. It's kind of what I expected, I thought it was going to be the lipstick check, so close enough. I always knew I wouldn't come close to the top 10, be lucky to make it even top 20.

Depend on our own attitudes.

¡Date!

¡I knew it wasn't going to go through. Something has a longing to have mother's acknoledgement. You think there's anything can do to gain that? Or is it all something on head? ¿I really do like Spanish? I would like to say he's not broken, he's just a baby. Is he§ Not sure what it is, but I like it. Something I would draw on myself. I got a feeling this is sure going to suck, but I will have to stuck it up. So lets not bother with it. So lets work on the things I can work on like sending out zon stuff. That's something I am going to do right after this place. I still think it is better to be a guy in this world. They can get away with more. As long as I don't need or desire anything, I should be fine and happy on my own. And there's where I need to be and want to be. Just take care of things on my end. I think I need to start listening to darhma videos again. I am getting off the path.

I never be the same if we ever meet again. There's nothing left to say, there's always annother day.

Half of the day has already passed. And now it slows down. So I am thinking what to make this weekend. We got nothing to talk about anyways. It's a familar feeling, very simular to the one in the past. The heart seems to grow cold and more distant. It's like just going through the motions. Now that Jer is back, Jer definatly does more work than Tot. Jer is kind of co-opish. It's kind of strange. I do worry a bit, because I am starting to care less. I can feel it. Not sure where it is leading.

So many things to do. For the past 2 days I haven't been doing a good job finishing what I want to be done. The hardest part is starting. I think if I can get it started, everything else will fall into place. I know there are a lot of things going through my mind. For now, I need to find a way to put them aside. It get tiring carrying it all around.

I just spend a few moments going through my head snarios of what could happen and experiencing all the anger and disapointment that goes along with it. So at least I am prepared. A part of my worries if I had created it. I am not sure if this is something I can create, I am just trying to be honest.