Copies

5/26

And the list of things I need to bring grows...

-Any kohls coupons
-Bath and beyond coupons
-Iron board

Meh, no time for driving will there be? Oh well. Things will find a way of working out. Like the saying goes, when we get to the edge, things will straighten out and go forward. Or something like that.

Maybe part the interested in the older guy is the stimulating convosation. But I am not sure if it will always be like that. I guess only time will tell if it was a fluke or not. So yesterday was the second meeting. I knew it. I don't want to seem vein or all hung up about myeslf, but it was true. I don't think I need to go into any details, but I think I should for memory sake. I am sure I wrote something about it before. The last occurance was was last Sunday.

According to my observations: He talked a lot, some of it touched on his personal life, else mostly took every chance to ask me something.

Second occurance: Didn't talk as much, but took every chance to ask me something or comment, invited to eat with, and commented on dress and previous dress.

After the first encounter, knew something was up and second encounter confirmed it. For now, the course of action is to treat this as a generious, lonely, courious, friendly customer.

I guess I am not as bored. I find something to either out in my mouth or to entertain myself and try to stay away from things that give me bad thoughts. I know they are there, but I just don't want to think of them all the time. I do get so tired. Yet it's one of thoes things I like to cover myself in. It's almost like I enjoy the feeling of torture. Like I am trying to find a reason to get out of it all. Am I the one longing for more? Like I am trying to find a way to justify this. Like I am trying to find a reason to let go.. I think I am prepareing myself to let go. The thought of it doesn't seem so bad now. The last time, I did prepare myself, but then I backed out of it and recommited myself all to be turned down unexpectedly. It happened so suddenly and it hurt for so long. I am still not sure if I can go through something like it agian. So I am starting to back out of it and I feel myself starting to feel numb.

June Bug

~Half way point~
5/25
I had a pet June bug for a few minutes today. I got a little overly excited about it, but then reality hits and you realize you can't really have one even though they eat leaves and grass. I wonder what they do besides that? But it seems like the Junnies are pretty harmless.

http://glo.msn.com/relationships/debunking-dude-theory-1533313.story?gt1=49006

At times I feel like I shouldn't even be paid dittly squat. I think working previously has given me the too laxed feel in both areas. And here as well has given me the false impression of ease. I still need to pick up some nunus and condensed milk. They always seem to be working on something. Not sure what.

~Paper Clip~
Other times goofing around, and the other not really sure. Who knew a little paper clip could throw off my game. Something so small. As a result, I maybe off for the rest of the day. But I am not sure if I had written about the guy that came in alone the other day and had a very interesting talk with. I seemed to liked talking to him. I could have gone on longer. It makes me wonder.

So at least I had a chance to fix the paper clips... But all the less I still feel bumped. Either way, this sucks. It's like pigeon's situation. Always wanting more. But I feel a time crunch.

Yes Dear

http://www.foodnetwork.com/chicken-pasta-carbonara/video/index.html

I so want to make this. I need to get stuff for it for sure!

2.5c whiping cream, or use evapor milk, I should still have some parm.

I also want to make garlic bread sticks, but I have not yet figured out which recipe to use yet.

This morning as not been going well. I waste a comfirmation, and then I get news of staying in a shack. I mean it's okay, but the reviews were bad and it's far. Not like I am too excited about the whole trip. But we will see.

So is it bad for me to be slightly contentful to find misery in someone else? I really want some nunu and bread. But where to get that? I don't really need cheese on it, but I really want a bread stick. I am going to try to plan my meals.

Bummer

Who knew... Sure sucks...

But it's not like I didn't see that one coming.

Ruffils

http://www.yesstyle.com/en/celli-girl-ruffle-overlay-long-sleeve-tee-gray-one-size/info.html/pid.1021204187

Little scared of the one size thing so got to get measurements.

It's a very fine line. I don't want to seem uncaring, but maybe it's best not to bring up the subject. Maybe just touch on it and then let it go. Just ask to be polite, else the convosation never goes to any place nice. It's better that way.

I don't think reading the celeb gossip is much help as I get all agitated and get in the cheating bastard mindset. I just need to stop longing for anything.

~Deja Vu~
Another one of thoes moments. I had like a vision or dream or something about his brother's graduation. Sure as handsome as always, but I recall stalking him around and this was before I got the email saying that this was going to be at the Metrodome. Or I could have just insainly quickly imagined it. But I was stalking him and saw him with a girlfriend. How disapointed. But oh well, eye candy is eye candy either way. But I am unsure that I want to go at this point. Like a part of me does, but at the same time I got a feeling I am just going to be bored and waste more time that I don't really have. I want more time on my own to organize my stuff. We shall see how this evening and tomorrow morning goes and decide then.

~Work~
So this maybe something more long term as in I get my own time to dinker around when I thought I be forced into an early retirement.

Daily Planetary Overview
The Moon in practical Virgo trines both Pluto and Mercury today, making this a great time to work hard and get all manner of things done. You might be able to finish tasks that have been holding you up for some time now, feeling a sense of competence and completion.

Basically it saids I will get things done that have been bugging me all week. Oh yays, I hope so.

Your Horoscope - Today, May. 21, 2010

You may not be sailing off into the sunset today, mel, but at least you can start planning for it. Your emotions are taking on a somewhat reserved approach today and you might feel as if someone has suddenly put a damper on your fun. Take this as a sign to reorganize and plan. Sometimes it is important to restrict ourselves in order to learn the lessons of discipline and patience.

Fun ruiner my show up, but don't let it upset you. It's just a time to reorganize and be understanding.

Overall for the Scope, it saids to have a positive outlook, don't hessatate, just do it. Speak your mind. And that's pretty much what I got from it.

4:01 In other words, we got nothing else to talk about. Unless I want to change to subject.

Tired, Hungry, Angery

5/20

Not a good combination. But I get to eat soon and I am sure I will feel better soon. I need to prepare better. More snakies or mini meals. Maybe like a salad or carrot sticks and crackers. I shall plan on that. The only good thing about the AC behind me is that it hides me typing. So there's a closing this evening. Not sure how long it will last. I am sure they don't want to be there all that long either. Hour maybe? I also have coupons to print out too. It has been awhile since I have been to Taco Bell anyways. It maybe a good time to stop by. I was going to try to get out of it and say Jer already asked, but if I did it, it would at least look like I am doing something. They sure like to talk and dinker around.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32859654/ns/today-today_books/

Take your Time

5/20

I found this artical very interesting...

What you’re doing right now—reading a book—puts you in rare company. By reading this book, or any book, you vault yourself into the ranks of a dying breed of people who ponder and reflect, who actually do stop and think. Reading—or any activity requiring sustained mental effort—demands a level of prolonged attention that fewer and fewer people want to give, are willing to give, or are able to give. Without noticing it, we are losing our capacity to linger and savor the moment. Reflexive impatience makes us rush, even when there is no need to rush. When was the last time you lingered over coffee, or savored a conversation, or took your sweet time in a museum or a bookstore? Don’t you instead usually feel a compulsive inner pressure to hurry up?

But to love, you must slow down. You must pause. You must attend to the other person. Fast love is about as satisfying as fast food. For love to sustain you and give you the deep pleasures it can, pleasures that are unsurpassed in this life, you must linger over your love and savor it. What gives love its particular depth and flavor only comes through over time. The best love is aged love. The rest is infatuation. But to appreciate true love, love that does not alter when it alteration finds, you must take your time—not let it be taken from you. You must allow love to free you up from your worries and your hurry, at least for the moment.

To do so, you must pay close attention. You must look for the ever-so-slight change in expression in the person you’re with, the tilting of the head, the movement of the hands, the sound of surprise at the latest news. For love to be the kind of feeling that it can and ought to be, for love to make all of life’s pain worth enduring and to momentarily assuage that pain, you must let love engulf you like a luxurious, warm bath. Take your time with your love. Go slow. While you can.

Respect

When I meet couples, whether it’s in private practice or on television, seeing a lack of respect on either of their parts is the biggest red flag to me that they’re on the path to a breakup. In my mind it is the biggest single indicator that things are not going well, and failure is in their future. Why is it that we treat the people we profess to love most the worst? A grown up shouldn’t do that, and yet so many of us do. Sometimes we treat insignificant people — a clerk in a store that we’ll never see again — with more respect and good manners than we do our own mates! We need to flip this tendency. If you can treat someone who hardly matters well, then you can treat somebody who really matters better.


We are told from a very young age that love is all about accepting you for who you are. That you are allowed to unload on your significant other, because he is “safe” and has to love you no matter what. How many times have you heard somebody say, “Everybody loves him; they think he’s a great guy, but no one has any idea how horrible he is at home alone with me.” We are tacitly told in a million ways that it’s okay to treat the people we are closest to poorly, and we’re all guilty of it. We don’t elevate our partners to the proper level of their value in our lives, and I believe that’s the first step everyone should take to improve an intimate relationship, and it’s one of the most important items for you to insist on in your list of needs. If it isn’t on your list—go add it now! By the way, this detail of being treated at a high level of consideration falls under the category of respect, which I had you add earlier. But I want it listed separately because I also consider it an indication of adoration, which I personally think is the second-most-important factor to have in an intimate relationship. Doesn’t it sound wonderful to think of being respected and adored forever?


Plants need time and care, and yet the relationship that people give the least time and care to is the one they are closest to. If you are involved in an intimate relationship, do you spend time growing it, cultivating it, and maintaining it? Or are you too busy? That is where the idea of respect comes in. If everything you do is based on respect, wanting your partner to be happy while adoring him in the process, then you’ve done 60 percent of the work already. Naturally most people fall far short of even this. They stop trying. They put work first. Sports first. The kids’ needs. They scream and yell. They snipe or give the silent treatment. They argue over little things, when most of these things could be worked out if they love each other and are committed to the relationship.

Unfortunately, however, some change involves pain. Given the overwhelming tendency to head down the wrong path — meaning, fall in love with the “wrong” person — that we’ve all been guilty of at one time or another, what can we do about that now? This is where we have to walk the talk when it comes to being a fully loaded grown up. A grown up knows that the right thing to do is often the hardest thing to do! Whether this means walking away from a long marriage, giving up on an addicted boyfriend or girlfriend no matter how much the person loves you and begs you to stay, recognizing early on that your needs aren’t being met while you’re dating somebody and breaking up with them, and so forth. Yes, it’s painful and difficult. Yes, making this kind of informed decision is the downside to being a grown up. But in some cases there is simply no chance for mutually fulfilling lasting love, and that’s what this chapter is all about.

Something in the Air

5/20

You Give and Give and Give and Give
Have you heard the one about the doting girlfriend who gave her heart to a guy for three years, only for him to say that he's not the marrying kind? And then when they break up, he turns around and proposes to his next GF three months later.

"I see it all the time," confesses Randi Gunther, Ph.D., couples counselor, and author of the upcoming book Relationship Saboteurs (June 2010). "Women know they have the capacity to nurture and care for men, and will be extremely giving. The problem is when a woman holds it against her partner — as if she's a martyr — and the guy suddenly feels very guilty and, even worse, obligated. A man likes a bitchy woman because she has her own agenda that isn't all about him; he likes that he's not totally responsible for her happiness."

If you enjoy being a giving person, then by all means, keep it up. Just understand that it's like putting money into a bank that has a hole on the bottom — you can't expect to cash in (say, like for a commitment from a guy). Do nice things because you want to — and don't forget to be a little selfish too.

SO I get in today and the first thing I notice is that my shoes are too comfortable... oh crap!!#&** But good thing they are so busy and we will see how long before they notice. God dam it stop moving my shoes. But it is my bad for not being as careful. Stop getting in my way and leave me alone. Stop getting things I don't like to eat. This morning war of the roses was interesting. It's kind of what I expected, I thought it was going to be the lipstick check, so close enough. I always knew I wouldn't come close to the top 10, be lucky to make it even top 20.

Depend on our own attitudes.

¡Date!

¡I knew it wasn't going to go through. Something has a longing to have mother's acknoledgement. You think there's anything can do to gain that? Or is it all something on head? ¿I really do like Spanish? I would like to say he's not broken, he's just a baby. Is he§ Not sure what it is, but I like it. Something I would draw on myself. I got a feeling this is sure going to suck, but I will have to stuck it up. So lets not bother with it. So lets work on the things I can work on like sending out zon stuff. That's something I am going to do right after this place. I still think it is better to be a guy in this world. They can get away with more. As long as I don't need or desire anything, I should be fine and happy on my own. And there's where I need to be and want to be. Just take care of things on my end. I think I need to start listening to darhma videos again. I am getting off the path.

I never be the same if we ever meet again. There's nothing left to say, there's always annother day.

Half of the day has already passed. And now it slows down. So I am thinking what to make this weekend. We got nothing to talk about anyways. It's a familar feeling, very simular to the one in the past. The heart seems to grow cold and more distant. It's like just going through the motions. Now that Jer is back, Jer definatly does more work than Tot. Jer is kind of co-opish. It's kind of strange. I do worry a bit, because I am starting to care less. I can feel it. Not sure where it is leading.

So many things to do. For the past 2 days I haven't been doing a good job finishing what I want to be done. The hardest part is starting. I think if I can get it started, everything else will fall into place. I know there are a lot of things going through my mind. For now, I need to find a way to put them aside. It get tiring carrying it all around.

I just spend a few moments going through my head snarios of what could happen and experiencing all the anger and disapointment that goes along with it. So at least I am prepared. A part of my worries if I had created it. I am not sure if this is something I can create, I am just trying to be honest.

Last Day

5/19

http://www.myfatpocket.com/blog/miyake/page/5/

I have been distressed of late. I have been doing some thinking. It's times like these I feel as thought if left, I may not care or feel a thing. That scares me a bit, but it maybe for the better.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=223326&id=308269305504&page=4#!/photo.php?pid=6057888&id=308269305504

So pretty, wish I could look like that. But it's at least something I can work on. After watching them makeup change videos, I am starting to beleive. I try not to screw up. But some how I manage to do so. Today wasn't so bad, as I got some time to think again. I may not be getting time like this again with Jer around. So enjoy it while you can. I am a bit sad about it. Sometimes it's okay when I try not to think about it. But there are times when starts to bitch about ones mom and it's just stupid. She's not a child and she has a cell phone. How lost can one get?

Tot just asked if I wanted something to drink, I rather have something to eat. Are you really not hungry? How strange. But I need to eat and want to eat, so I need to take care of things on my own. Odds are will be too busy to care for anything. So I don't hold it against. I was trying to get on ks95, but the streaming wasn't working. So I am stuck with 101.3. It's okay. But it doesn't matter what I have one when I know we be stuck with the Current again. But today passed by pretty quickly. I can find myself entertaining myself, but there's only so much I can look at from my usual stuff. I didn't really get anything done last night. Hopefull tonight I can get more done. The list still remains the same with the zon pen holder on top. I really can't be bothered by troubles, especially the ones that are not mine. Also need to refil bag goodies and make breakfast wraps for tomorrow. Hopefully it will be tasty.

-Wrap zon stuff
-Breakfast wrap
-Clean phish

If I can get 2 out of 3 done, I be golden.

Hot dam, it's so cold...

The funny thing about working here is that for the past 3 days I have had an overdose of computer time. It is really way too much to the point where once again the hand is hurting. I am not so much on the tired end. More like the cold end now.

Them telemarketers are sure sneaky. They don't ask you if you would like their services, they have a way of wording things and implying that you want them.

Entrapment

Entrapment

I figure that I wouldn't get much done today.

Apon looking back at the wedding dress video, it wasn't as I expected or remembered it.

I think taking a break and getting away from it all a bit will help. I know I will always take a back seat when it comes to these kinds of things. So instead of anyone else putting me there, I will remove myself from the hostile environment. I will choose to take myself out of the equation.

Encor

The last one was getting long and had some important things in it, but was too much rambling. So now that I got that out, can I get more to the point? We shall see. I still got a strange feeling that this place just might not pan out. Like I said before, deathly quite. Seem a little lost without Jer around.

Anyways, should work on things I need to get done. So many things to do, but none of them are all that important.

-clean phish
-org makeup to give away
-put away cloths
-wrap zon stuff
-cheesey biscut

I think doing thoes is fairly reasonable for the evening. I swear they get more calls than we do. It's not a good sign. I fear for the worse. Seems to spend a lot of time wasting time. It maybe better if I just look out for myself and not care about others. Just be straight forward and to the point. You will make do with whatever situation you are given. Not like it's my money anyways. I just need to watch out for myself. It's Tue anyways, it wouldn't hurt to peep over at Cub. I wouldn't be so stingy if I had some cash flow.. Anyways, that's the plan for today. Leaving soon so not really a point in eating.

~Water~
Muscle wants to add water. How interesting. Going to be pricey. Wonder who is paying for it? They sure are investing lots of money. But the place is so small.. We shall see. Not like it's my money, but I do like fish and water. They have lots of ideas, but we shall see if any of it goes anywhere.

Everything is so melty, I need to find a snack that is not so melty. Got to stay away from chocolate. I guess kind of busy, been on the phone since been back from the extra long walk. Not sure what to make of it. I need some cream cheese so I can make a wrap. Aw crapies, I got mis pants dirty. Well I guess more chances to go through more pants.

Slow Morning

I need to enjoy whatever I can on this quite day before I lose the comp and time to dinker around and to reflect. But I hope jer does get his stuff in soon. But I got a feeling not this week. My feelings are never usually wrong. I know tries to reassure me on many levels. Tries best, I do know that. I know really loves and cares for mother, but the idea of coming in second or not even puts me off in some ways.

This week is going to be a nice week. It's funny to watch the Muscle clean the floors and the desk a few times over and still not satisfied.

There's no moving on, so I'm already gone.. sometimes I feel that way. But I try to keep busy so I have no time to think of it, Yesterday was semi productive. I did get almost half the stuff on the list done. The list will continously grow and shrink.

-penquin housing
-dig out pizza rebate
-finish cleaning phish
-vac carpet
-rearrange freezer
-start new donate pile
-look for pots for plents
-prep cloths for next weekend
-(I keep coming up with more junk to do)
-clear fish drawer
-rearrange makeup again
-(dang, list is sure getting long)
-credit card math



Know the list is not that long, but it should be good enough. I shoudl stop by NHCC again and try my luck on another planner. It is that time of year again.

Scope over all today saids comfrontation with the lover and optimisum for the future.
Taro saids love energy when it comes to the matters of the heart, but harmony.

It's funny as I sit here at 11am to hear the muscle wiping things down and complaining about the floor.

Most of the stuff I have listed after the 4th thing is not something that is dier. But having the AC on at the office does conseal my typing. So that makes me feel better and at the same time cold. It doesn't help that it's right behine me. If I see steph today, I'll have to ask her about the twins game and if not, means more money for me. So either way, it's all good.


Always looking for stuff for the hair:

Motions CPR Protein Reconstructor
Courtesy of Motions Professional/Courtesy of Motions Professional

This magic potion rebuilds weak hair from the inside out, says Hype Hair editor-in-chief Adrienne Moore. In addition to restoring brittle locks, it maintains your hair's health while preventing future damage. Think of it as hair insurance in a bottle.

$6.39, amazon.com


Hot Tools Ceramic Tourmaline Curling Iron
Courtesy of Hot Tools/Courtesy of Hot Tools

Get beautiful barrel curls in no time with this iron. Infrared heat retains moisture, leaving your curls hydrated and bouncy all night long.

$49.99, ulta.com


Pantene Pro-V Ice Shine 2 in 1 Shampoo & Conditioner
Courtesy of Pantene Pro-V/Courtesy of Pantene Pro-V

With a few washes, you can get rid of dull, limp hair and bring your tresses back to life. The two-in-one formula cuts down on prep time while leaving your hair glossy and extra-touchable.

$8.79, drugstore.com


BaByliss Pro GT Gold Titanium Root Straight Iron/Comb
Courtesy of BaByliss/Courtesy of BaByliss

Latinas with thick, flat hair will swoon over this iron and comb combo. The iron gets close to the scalp, while the comb provides lift for added volume and body.

$49.99, folica.com

Aussie Catch the Wave Sprunch Hair Spray
Courtesy of Aussie/Courtesy of Aussie

Bed head is the latest tousled trend, and this hair spray definitely delivers. Just spray and scrunch for a strong hold on your messy waves that will last all day.

$4.29, drugstore.com

Tresemme Thermal Creations Heat Tamer Spray
Courtesy of Tresemmé/Courtesy of Tresemmé

One look at the bottle and you'll know that this heat spray means business. Apply before blow-drying or flat-ironing to minimize heat damage and condition as you style.

$4.75


I think I have a thing for hair priducts more than makeup. I really do need to clear out some of that makeup. Especially when it comes to cheap stuff that doesn't work.. Oh wait, I can give the squeesey bottle stuff to the cousin. I shall save it for her then. I don't seem to miss soaps so much. I am not sure why. I should come up with some questions to ask like where the mom is sleeping and what she does during the day. Things are becoming more certain on this end and less on the other end. Thoughts are mostly a mess today. Just ramdomly coming out as they come to me.

Think the muscle ran out on purpose so doens't have to write anything up. Sure suspecious. I can only assume went to get back straightened. It is kind of nice to be able to be on my own. Sure don't seem that busy. But for the most part now, we are more or less sitting ducks when it comes to waiting for replys. Really sol. But half the day has already gone by. Funny how time passes so quickly when you got a computer to dinker around with. Else, this could have been drudgery. It's like when Jer left, everyone else did as well. I think most of it has to do with jer calling them first and then they are calling back.

~Bags~
The whole bag situation makes me all greedy like. Think I would rather have a bag that I can abuse more. I really don't want to turn into a collector. But I for sure want to take a pict of it. Not sure for what reason. But for the heck of it I guess with the penpen.

~Dejh Vu~
I feel like that after sitting her for a bit, like I have done all this before. Looking out the wondow for something to look at or to do. I am not sure if this means anything if anything at all. It could be bordom setting in. But I do have a bad feeling on all this. Maybe it is because I am pesamestic. But for the most case it has not been worng.. ever...

Slow Day

Deathly quite today. Maybe I do need to admit that it maybe rather nicer without Jer around. I feel as though I am not getting anything done. I feel dry yet oily. I have a lot of cleaning up to do. Lots of letting go and not to be so stingy. I am thinking what am I getting out of all this? Am I getting enough? Should I ask for more? I think I need more water. Am I getting too lazies? I feel as though I need more time to get anything done. Maybe I am too slow. Whatever the case, I just need to keep moving. I gave me some comfort that is trying to stay. Though they are just words, of late I seem more satisfied and understanding. Or at least I am really trying to. I know is trying and worrying. So I don't want to add to that.

I hope everything that I do helps me move in the right direction. The last 2-3 hours are always the toughest. It sire doesn't help when I got nothing better to do. But I will find something to do even though it is cutting nails. I got plants to take care of too. Oh the things to do.

Lets see, I've got...

-plants to plant
-carpet to vac
-phish to clean
-organize fish drawer

I think if I can get that done for now, I be off to a good start.

I still worry about some details. I did ask to clearify it last Fri and it gave me some comfort. But I think no matter what, I will still worry. I do drink too much water.

Kitty steped on my finger on Friday night when I was trying to give her a bath. It's funny how it healed up pretty much in a day or 2. And I was getting all worked up over rabbies. I'm still alive for now, you never know I just might keel over and die. As do many things. I seem to have a lot of crud stuck in my nails. I am not sure if it is because I don't stop picking at it.


I actually got some positive news right before leaving work today. I think part of it I may have to credit to the card from Pigeon. But we shall see tomorrow. How correct was the Taro? Though it wasn't really an increase in salary, but an antisapated one more or less because I was getting none. We shall see won't we? But the better things go on this end, the more I worry about the other end. I really do and at the same time to protect myself I try nto to care. I get some comfort like I said before as long as tries. I will do my best and all I can.

All I can do for now is to help him prepare and pry to the Lord and anyone else that's out there to help. Please help. I will work hard to make this work and to help in any way I can. Please help me help..

Fingies

Even thought I dad have the ability to see, I don't seem to care anymore...

Your Horoscope - Tomorrow, May. 17, 2010
An increase in salary could find you thinking in terms of dressing up your home a little, Melly, perhaps doing some redecorating. Art objects should be especially appealing. Visitors, perhaps close friends or your romantic interest, could come to your home. Expect some fascinating conversations as well as a sense of familiarity at day's end. Tonight: keep a pen and notebook by your bed. You may have some dreams you'll want to remember.

I sure do wish. I do get tired of checking all the time. So tireing.

Fallout

~You can't make up your mind mind mind mind mind,
Please don't waste my time time time time time ~

So fitting today. Yay Bieber. Who knew. But I have found something to occupy the time. got let out of work early today. The sun also finally came out today. It was nice. I figure it was a good day. But all too soon once again it goes down hill. Maybe this is a pattern of behavior. But lets not think so much and dwell on bitter resentment. I am hesitance to give details on the day. It did take me about a hour to get over it more or less. So maybe it's better not to relive it. So for now I want to clear out some things. Tomorrow I am determined to drop off the stuff at goodwill regardless. I will get this done. I will clear out all the clutter in my life. Not to keep things for anyone's sake. I will drop it all.

Home

Your Horoscope - Today, May. 13, 2010
You may be feeling like you are not able to get much done today, Melly, but don't sweat it. Whatever you do, don't pressure yourself into thinking you have a certain agenda that must get accomplished before sundown. Your heart and mind are in the same place, but you may not be sure which way to direct them. Don't feel like you need to find a direction at this time.

It has been awhile since I could come straight home and not need to go anywhere else. But it wasn't like I wasn't warned. Scope said today was going to be a tough day. I did try my beat to get through it and get done what needed to be done. Although not everything, but just the things that needed to be done. So it was good enough. Hopefully tomorrow will be better..


~This Morning~

This was something I wrote earlier. I was fairly positive actually. And then by evening, it went crashing down. I am not sure why. But as usual, guess it was expectations went awry. I just try not to care. But people keep saying I seem sad. It's not really sad. More or less indifferent to the things going around me. It just seems like I don't care anymore.

Today the day went faster. But this week really has been trying. I hope today will be better and I can be more positive no matter the outlook or outcome. I need to be content on my own. Because you know may not always be there. So you need to take care of it on your own. Like that Yogi, mind over matter. Can you really do such an impossible thing? I know I don't have much time to work on this, but I can still try. The fake mistress more or less. I need to feed one self. I will get things done when the time comes and when the time is right. No use rushing into something and making a mess. Know what you want, but not need to have it. Be flexible.

Forgot what I was going to say

I had a dream I was in a dorm and I was on the top level and was trying to find my way down and to find out all the stairs was blocked and I didn't know it till I ran into someone like a BM after the second one and told me so. So I went down another one. Then ran into a chick with dark hair that was stalking a short dark haired guy going to the bathroom.

Then was in room but didn't seem to pay attention to me so I left.

Found myself over my Mcdonals trying to buy a cocktail bun but could not find one. When i did find one, I didn't buy it and it was too late. Ended up getting frozen ones..

Beyond Pissed

Never be the Same

This song made me feel better when I was feeling frustrated this evening. Always trying to do everything for me! Like I can't do anything for myself. I know it's meaning, but I really cqan't depend on it.

Perry is really pretty. Got to love her eyes. I should work on getting that look. And has flawless skin as well which is all so lovely. And the main male lead in the video is so hawt. Got to love the hair and the dress.

Today at work was not so bad. The day seemed to pass by faster today. It's a good thing. I still worry about the details.

Bore

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/quote?ticker=MTGEFNCL%3AIND

Things I need to do. But what am I to do when I got nothing better to do than to watch the front?

Really is ban hou san. And that fa looklook shirt.

Meetings are nice. I miss the note part of the school email.

Not sure where this is going, but I hope it goes somewhere nice and pleasant.

Thing I do like is the nice and soft pants. It's different than the usually getup. Jer is really nice. Is really the one that's really watching out for me. Dan Tot not so much. Little akward to talk to. But both fairly down to earth, just need to sleak up a little more. Need ot be sing mook de. Likes this oldies rege station called The Current. I never figured that I be answering phones. Something that I have always struggled with. But I think by the time all is said and done, I should have a fairly good feel for it all.

Good thing for the cookie here, else I might have been dying. I do need to consider bringing in something. The fridger is more or less ickies. So what is it I do? I do basic office work like answering phones, scanning, and copying, and fill out orginate loan applications and do closing paperwork. Else drink water and dinker. That doesn't sound too bad does it? But something id sure better than nothing. After thinking about it, do I feel it's really that suckies afterall? We will see if this can lead to something more. Oh one thing I did notice that's really funny is Jer's cell. It's actually kind of old schoolish with the soft neon green. And then there's the strange is my dad around msg from a last name that didn't match any of them. But it looks like there also going to be another addition eventually. We shall see when that happens.. Sure really scared the bageebies out of me.

I need to bring my own note pad and a folder. The tiny post it notes doesn't work very well. They slip and slide like no other. Or my hands are too big. Too much cookies are making my tum tum feel funny.

Boredom

First day of I guess what you can call real work. Or at least it was suppose to be. And it was half boring and the other half learning. It wasn't so bad, though I wish I got more done instead of passing time by. I think more of less than half was unproductive and not even sure where this is even going. But it does seem to be pretty laid back. But it is hard to say. You realize how fake people are more than ever. Yet, once again it wasn't that bad anyways. I got through it one way or another. I think as more time passes, I will be able find more things to keep myself busy.

I am still trying not to worry too much of other people's response. And just go on as my own. The location is fairly nice. It's close to cheese bread at least.

There is still more exploring to do. I need to try to swing by the left sometime. Can't say I really like the cub location beside the new muffins. They are cute.

There was a sigh of bit of relief about the situation. So after running the worst case, this doesn't seem so bad after all. Over all day was well, could have been better. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and more fulfilling.

~Habits~
I am not sure why I have been back on the pornage. Maybe it's something to look forward to. Something quick as well since I don't have as much time now.

Disaster

Or at least it sure seem like it.

Scope: full of interesting news and maybe even some disconcerting gossip. Don't believe everything you hear, however. Check out the facts first. I really do hope it is true because I do not like what I am hearing. I try not to take it at face value until I get all the faces straight and not jumping into conclusions. For now, lets pray for the best.

~Outlandish~
So with the whole incident, I am surprised I am not upset more. I think a part of me find it what you call it, sinister side finds it the lather. Like knocking one down a few notches for being too cocky. It made me think of the roles everyone has played. But a part of me I think has disassociated myself for the situation, (surprise I spelled it properly or spell check is not working, but it seems to be) to an uncaring not my business, but more of a investigative lets get the facts straight. Can't say I think how one handed the situation and goes out blurting out things without anything to back it up and making a scene. And then lets blame everyone else. People seems to like think they are the smartest one of all and everyone else around them is stupid.

~Weekend~
This weekend really hasn't gone at all planned at all. A run in with the bad luck really. I checked to scope for tomorrow and it seems cautiously optimistic. It also talked about a career change, so we shall see in the morning, I hope it goes well. But this weekend really has been a mess. Things really don't go according to plan no matter how well you plan it, nothing could have anticipated this one. At least not this big whopper of a mess.

~Work~
Today was the last day of work I know a part of me will miss and the kiddies this week. And so to start something new. Hopefully something for the better. I am worried, but optimistic. Very anxious about not fitting in as well. Stepping on toes and tails. I am not sure if I will get much sleep today, but try to.

~The Situation~
It has pretty much eaten away at this weekend. But I know there's nothing I can do much but to gather information. Not knowing can be very disconcerting. I am bummed about all of this. It is the the best way the describe the situation. Nothing really worked out this week. The actions in response so far I hope did not aggravate the situation. I try not to react with emotion and to think wholly. I think listening to them talks really helped. Too bad others don't react the same way. Everyone is in pain after all, why inflict more pain on others. Does it make you feel better to make the situation better? Because of that, some of it I feel is deserved, who said to be so stuck up and being all better than everyone else. I recall what was said to me the other day about having me beat... oh really... maybe someone else begs to differ... So until some clear face finding, we won't make any judgments and lets them dwell for a bit longer before we shed some light on this issue.

~Prayer~
For the following day..

Scope: Mercury trines Pluto today, bringing a harmonious tone to communication and the exchange of information. If there's something you want to say, this is a good time to speak your truth. If you have school or other written assignments to finish, this is a great day to complete them.

Your Horoscope - Tomorrow, May. 3, 2010 A friend or colleague could come to you with all kinds of intriguing ideas for increasing your income, making a career change, and improving your way of living. It may all seem very exciting, Melly, but make sure you check out all the facts before plunging in. You are extremely intuitive today, which should prove helpful. If you listen to your gut feeling, you should be fine.

I really do hope so, I pray to the Lord for things to so smoothly. I know I haven't done so much of late. Part in due of lazieness and other lacking in faith in some days. But I do pray for things to go according to plan and I do my part to the best of ability to take care of the ones around me. Please watch over me and protect me.