Lasso

A comment the brother made was to lasso one in to play games or something to that effect.

Daily Planetary Overview:
The Moon conjunct Chiron will bring the opportunity to realize your hopes and ambitions. Think about what you want to bring into you life, visualize having it, and then be grateful for your blessings. The results will happen later.

Your Horoscope - Today, December 30, 2008
Bask in the sunshine of this day, melly. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and work to expand these energies. There is a great deal of opportunity open to you at this time. The key to honing in this is to stay close to the things that truly bring you the most happiness. The details will work themselves out with almost no effort. Have faith that you will succeed and you will.

For some reason I really like this one. Or at least to me it seems to make sence at least for today especially. It seems that today the brother is in a better mood. For goodness sake he even helped to shovel the snow! So it's a good start. I just want to let all things go now. It's starting to get hard to bare. I really need a new hobby. Something different to do. Something to look forward to. But really with the new year around the corner. Things have not been to shabby. Pretty content after all. From the way things seem right now. Everall it's working out with little to no effort. Except when it comes to matters of the heart. But really, just greatful for even for the fleeting moments. Really can not ask for more. Adding pictures tend to screw things up. Better off just leaving it be.

Forgot one point that was very important that it's too young I just discovered. Not a good sign.
It really isn't meant to be

I Don't Mind

The application. Is it really fate without destiny or just a game? Either way, I really can not ask for more. I really can not. I do not dare to. But when reality hits. It really hits you hard. It's just better to let things go. And not to hold on to anything. But in the end I do care and want the best for them. Really do. For them to find their own way and be on their own. So unconditional. Either way, it's best to look out for yourself first. To focus on yourself. I do understand they are all just looking out for me. But I have to protect myself. At least it help me decide something. I just needed a sign for the direction I should take. It's best to know sooner rather than later. But like ir saids, no sence in worrying. You can't possibly know what will happen. Waste time in worrying about things you can't control. Investagate and find other ways to deal with life. Challenge it. See things in a deeper more meaningful way of life. No need to worry, you have enough. Beyong your imagination, that's why you can't beleive it.

No matter how you cut it, the result will be the same. The end will be the same. Then do I try to protect myself? But it could be freak chance or a sign that it happen to be HKUST as well. More like a sign I should listen to. You have choices, you can be why did I fall in love with you or I'm so sorry but I love you or I got you under my skin. So who you want to be? Nothing lasts forever anyways and thing have a way of never going the way you expect it to or planned. Better just to leave things alone. This too will pass. For now just have to work on keeping them chompers clean.

And what the heck is with the brother's fit? If I didn't know better I would call it male pms. But it's not like I didn't learn my lesson the first time. But it can't be helped that they are greedy.

The door to my heart is open to you

Just a side note, got a message from arse saying been reading old letters. Wierd eh?

Pass

The holiday has come and gone. It was fun this year except my brother didn't get me anything =_= No matter, there really isn't anything I need or want, but he could have even gotten me a piece of candy or even guy ^^. So for a week in review. Got back from scool for break with one day of rest and then the whirl wind started.

• 12/22 Drove Lu and Jane last minute back to my place for 2 nights. Went to MOA to look around and Lu just wouldn't stop buying me junk. The materialism. I don't know why but it really did upset me that she would feel the need to get me anything. Have to learn to keep my mouth shut and not comment on anything I like. (बुत सोमेतिमेस इ वोंदर इफ आईटी'स सम क्रुएल इन्तेंशन्स इ हवे ठाट इ माय तरी तो मनिपुलाते थे सितुअशन तो तरी तो गेट वहत इ वांट? इ वोर्री अबाउट ठाट. इ रेअल्ली दो, इ ऍम नोट सुर वहत तो दो अबाउट आईटी येत. आईटी मय्बे अ पार्ट ऑफ़ में ठाट इ त्र्येद तो कीप सुप्रेस्सेद. लेट्स से दुरिंग थिस कंद ऑफ़ सीज़न आईटी'स मोरे दिफ्फिकुल्ट तो दो. )
• 12/24 Droped off Lu to pick eh up। Went to dinners, but didn't expect for most people to think eh was gey lol And I though I was the only one that though that ^^ Else is was nice, it was fun. Pigeon got my a finals surival kit thing lol too funny. 20 bucks, AMP, and can't go worng with some chocolate. ( आईटी वास फूं, व्हो क्नोव्स वहत एह थौघ्त ऑफ़ आईटी। फॉर सम रासों रेअल्ली तौच्य फीलिए, मोरे थान उसुअल। बुत इ रेअल्ली दिदं'टी थिंक अन्य्थिंग ऑफ़ आईटी। इ मैं लिखे ठाट विथ मानी पीपुल। थे फीडबैक इ गोत फ्रॉम थे एवेनिंग वास पोतेंतिअल गेय्नेस लोल और अत लीस्ट फेमिने बेहविओर्स। इ गेस आईटी स्टार्टेड अस अ जोके ठाट वे शौल्ड होल्ड हंड्स एंड थें वौल्ड कीप ओं ग्रादिंग फॉर आईटी। एदिकुलिऔस रेअल्ली। आफ्टर थे डिनर वेंट बेक। वास जुस्त नाप्पिंग एंड नेस्ट थिंग इ क्नोव वास बीइंग मोरे और लेस स्नुग्ग्लेद? आईटी वास आक्वर्ड एंड येत कोम्फोर्ताब्ले। आईटी वास अ सतरंगे सेंसेशन। बुत सो क्यूट गे और नोट लोल। आईटी वास अल्सो सतरंगे हाउ इ वौल्ड बे पिच्केद अत एंड हवे अन आर्म अरौंदमें। बुत आईटी'स लिखे ठाट विथ एवेर्योने रेअल्ली। बुत आईटी हर्ट जुस्त तो ड्रीम अ लिटिल ^^) It was interesting.
• 12/26 I ended up staying over at LSF and was turned into a giant hamster lol I can blame that on Lu. With 5 blankets and 5 different choices of drinks? It was fun to be an hamster for a day. The next morning got a call to go to Dr. Kim's place for a potluck and it was fun, food not so tasty. All vegi, but the conservation was good. But it went on for a little too long. Six very long hours। Insain. But didn't notice any husband or kids, maybe she was lonely. Intersting place she had. Nice and cozy. She has good taste. ( एंड दोएस प्लेयिंग फूत्सिए काउंट? लोल नव, जुस्त लिखे तो पिचक ओं में।) After that shin dig, no matter the weather, decided to, or no, more like determined to go home. Although I know it was my bad for being late and I know mom was upset that I didn't call. Or at least I think that was the issue. There's a small chance it maybe for a another reason. So also gave a ride and droped off at a friend's place that was actually near Pigeon. Nice place.

Today got some input from some people and who knew there was such a thing as gey acting people. No matter, it doesn't change anything. Something seemed a miss today. I am not sure what it is. But something feels worng. Since that feeling, things have not been going right. Maybe just need to refresh. But I still do have this odd feeling that something is worng. Just can't put my finger on it. Can't say being cold and having the internet be so slow is helping. And the translation doesn't work either saddly. But a positive point for the day was that I did slightly better than I expected grade wise. I did reach my goal. So it means I have much more to do now. I really for some time thought about what would I do if I didn't make my goal? Hopefully after tomorrow, things will be better. Or even after a shower, I will feel better. There's just something really bothering me right now.

Douche

It's a disease, it really is. An illness.. sickness.. When will I get better? I do hope soon. By far todays ep of Family Guy is my fav. I feel as though I been neglecting some things I need to take care of. So I have like a bagillion text books to rid of. I'll figure it out. Try to take care of the ones I have here already. For now lets take care of the cards part. Not to worry too much. Lets just work on getting yourself better before anything else. Lets clean out all the clutter. Guests are going to be showing up. I know I am not looking forward to it. But we shall see. Think positive. So I am trying this amazon selling stuff. It can't hurt to try anyways. Else I really do need to be on top of things and get rid of books once I get them. I wonder what other junks I can sell too. Or I can just let it go. Having it here won't do any good. It's like sitting on money I can not use.

Why pain yourself. Why put yourself through this when you know very well no one else will know. No one else will care. When it will not matter to anyone. What good will it do. You only pitty yourself. Only try to get attention for your own selfishness. Your own ill will. Please, don't do this to yourself. Don't pain yourself. Especially for someone so fake. Leave yourself open to everyone. Is to be open yet, protected, to free yourself from the anchors of others.

Gives you Hell

I hope it gives you hell. I really am in it. Someone sure gave it to me or did I walk right into it. So today was not so bad. At least I didn't think so untill I saw econ grade, but it's not like I wasn't expecting it. I knew it was coming.

So I guess it was the other day I guess. Not sure why I left it out. But I am trying to remember. The day before talking to Arb so it was a Tuesday. Ye, I remember now. The whole laundry feasko. Eh was so tired and pretty much took a off day. But that day was shadowed by poor performance in Estate. But now that I have more or less accepted it. It's time reflect. I really can't blame anyone but it was wierd had the guts to lay on my lap? WTF... Since when can help yourself to something like that? How wierd. But then again they all seem to be that way. It wasn't a late night. But not sure why I wasn't feeling the grove at all that day. I am sure I do recall a cupon about a free pizza. But made it sound like it was paid for. But I really was in no mood to eat. Rediculous why someone would not eat except for me when I am not feeling well. It's funny how quickly time passes. It's already almost 7pm and I still feel like I have nothing done. Well really I did get pretty much most of my paper done, but I guess I owe that part back in Atwood this morning. But it was funny how plowed through the text for frequency answer. It was either b. or d. And the answer was d. so I win =P

There's a meeting in a few, and I wonder how it will turn out? I know all I can do is my part. But I wonder overall how it will be. Will I end up there for some hours and drag it on? But we do only have the room for an hour. So lets get cleaned up and get it taken care of.

Time Wasted

Or was it? No matter at this point. I need to get back to work. Can churn out details later. Think if I got through this part. I can get much mroe done. Or lat least I will feel I can. The marketing thing is really pushing it to the edge. But we will see. I know I am not feeling confidant about this. But I have to trust. I did spend a little too much time on Arb and it was I can tell at first not for me, but eventually it was. I can sence the manipulation. What am I trying to do? I can feel reverting back to old ways. Long forgotten past that was left behind. I need to reset myself. Once it's done you will feel better, but I can tell you that you will feel like crap if you don't try your best and don't give up now. It's not like I have not throught about it. But not matter how you cut it, it can only lead to nowhere or to a place you don't want to be. A road taken long ago. You must save yourself. On a side note. Bumped into Ike like 3 times today. Bad day and last thing said may stop by eep! But God dam it, why have to be so freaking cute! Good Lord. *cry cry* Solution: must stay away.

Save me, I am really drawning in Rain.

I will give you hell

And somehow I give myself hell what what I put myself through. Consider it as good karma I am trying to collect. For now, good night self. Please do take care. We shall disguss in the morning in further details as I digest the events. It's funny how friendly eh is. I know how it is. How friendlyness can be mistaken for else. But I have witnessed it how it is like with other people. But also would turn around and be different. Do realize the same was spent on Lu. So don't be thinking of anything. Really no different treatment. But with caution on the side, don't get over your head. Don't give more than you can. Give what you are content with. I am content with what is now. I really am. But like all things. As much as you want it to be like this always, it will pass like the wind. To them, you are just a fleating moment. So enjoy them moment, don't think much of it. Even if you do then fine. Lets just get it all out on the table. So what if you do, so you do. So you enjoy the company. But honest to God, really, seriously.. you can't even take care of yourself. You know your situation. And I think that was enough. I know I start to think about this when the semester ends. That things be different once it's all over with mketing and all the fluf. And time would have passed us by and the moment be over. I know it seems sad. But something new will come by. Maybe it be a good thing or even better. Who knows. It's really how you relate to everything.

I really didn't expect things to end up like the way they did. How it get to this point. It's funny. But back to basics, I do enjoy the company. On some wierd level we do get a long. But it maybe all a dilusion. It's something I will live with. But be mindful. We have fun, or least I do. I am greatful. Thank you, even to arse, especially to arse. If it wasn't for it, I really don't know things could even have a chance to turn out like they did. Thanks You.

Disaster in the Making

Rain is so adorable. Especially like the hair, so boyish. Wish I had hair like dat. It's a work in progress. I think I got the doll all taken care of. Although it's taking much longer than expected to get it. But I am in no hurry. As long as it gets here eventually. To the left off the side of my eye, it looks like the malay arsehole that wanted cultural hours. It sure looks like him. Not sure though. Will take a second take on the way out just to be sure. bad day bad day. I relaly need to start to get stuff done. Get it all done so it's no longer a burden. Can't say that I didn't try. For I know the Lord will guide me and get me to where I need to be.

Still Raining

Aw crapies. I guess I will know soon enough. I guess I should have studies more but I'm not sure if it would make much more of a difference. The heart stoped for a second hen Zhang asked for an electronic copy of the paper. I'm not sure if I should or not. I'll wait untill the grade is out, then I will decide then or inccidently I will forget. Kind of hungie too. But so much to do now. At this point. So scared of Econ right now and Insur. First get:

• Estate homework done.
  
• Then is churn out a paper for mgmt

I know there's not much I can do for insur now, it's utterly hopeless. But I can still try for Estate and the rest. This like before can not stop me from trying. I know the feeling of hopelessness can be overwhelming. Speaking of overwhelming, bumed into ike today. Actually spoke a few words. Nothing too exciting. Though the hair is getting a little too mop like and becoming a .. well you know ^^ Not so attractive. But meh.

After looking at this and capturing this moment, somehow I feel much better. So instead of churning out mgmt paper, I churned out some cards. I guess it's better to get them all out soon than later when you may not have a chance to. So econ was more or less to be expected. But it really was a fluke for someone that had no idea what she was doing. Crazy eh? It was a fun run, but I still have little to no understanding of what was going on. And look what happens when I just try to look for a silly space image and a whole section gets deleted. Sad sad. I was going to talk about this dream, but I have talked about it 3 times already. Well at least I found out the game is called Stardust. And there goes roomy with her instant noodles ^^ emm smells nummies. nom nom. So this dream was like a ship and an plant attached to it and it was like an astroy scene there was shooting down mother ships or something. But in this dream, I don't seem to be very effective and at the same time had to keep an eye on this little plant that was attached to me by some light beam. After that it switched to a scene that was all too familar. The same one with arse in it but this time with eh in it. Same situation where could not get attention because was looking away on computer screen. Maybe it's a sigh of some baggage I have and trying to achieve something I can not have. I have been better at it. The desire none but to give everything. To be poor in a good way. Or at least the way I want to be.

Side of itchy hair. I thought I was going insain but I remember now that I didn't wash the hair for a day. Who knew just one day would much such a difference. Hair overall looks just fine. But I can feel it being so itchy. Maybe I am really that dirty or something. Besides washing hair. I still have:

• mgmt paper to chun out
• estudiar estate
• estudiar mketing

Think that's pretty much for offocial business. And for off the record business:

• more craps to print out but need to add printing cash
• give arse his junks
• send cards
• clean up room

I know I was disapointed last nite. But it's to be expected. But this too will pass.

You may feel sad or lonely today, but it will pass. This aspect will test your inner strength.

Power of Silence

We'll see where this takes us. You know what was sad. Was yesterday after hearing eh's failure, I found some joy in it. How dare I to think that way. And then I was sad. Not really sure what to think of it. And then pigeon told me about effy and drama from that end. And I was sadly pleased in some dark way and yet sad with no solution. I almost forget about the language thing, I guess there's no need to hid is any longer. But just be careful with the spelling aspect. But I think I know what I am trying to say. But it might be better still this way to leave things in my own interperation.

ఇన్ ఒథెర్ వర్డ్స్

आईटी'स फुन्न्य हाउ थिस वोर्क्स, इ गेस इ नीद तो बे मोरे सुर ऑफ़ थे स्पेल्लिंग।
ಇ ಗುಎಸ್ಸ್ ಇ ಶಲ್ ಜಸ್ಟ್ ಗೋ ದೊವ್ನ್ ದಿ ಲಿಸ್ಟ್, ವಾಟ್ ಇ ಪಿಕ್ ದೊಎಸ್ನ್'ತ ರಿಯಲಿ ಮತ್ತೆರ್.
ബട്ട് സൊ ഫാര്‍ ഐ സീം ടോ ലൈക്‌ ദ ഫസ്റ്റ് ഓനെ, ദ സെക്കന്റ് ഓനെ രേമിണ്ട്സ് മി ഓഫ് വലിന്റിനെസ് ഡേ
இ ரேஅல்லி பீல் லைக் எஅடிங் செல்லோதிஸ் ஒன் இ டான்'த லைக் அச மச்.
ఐ థింక్ ఐ విల్ గో మాక్ జేల్లో. బట్ సో ఫర్ ఐ లికె హిందీ ది బెస్ట్. ఇట్ హస్ అ మోర్ సెల్టిక్ ఫీల్ తో ఇట్ అండ్ సెకండ్ బి కన్నడ
सो वे हवे अ विन्नेर, थिस फॉर मोरे सीरियस नोट्स, ಅಂಡ್ ದಿಸ್ ಫಾರ್ ಮೊರೆ ಒರ ಲೆಸ್ ಲೆಟ್ಸ್ ಸೆ ^^

I just can't seem to change the title, else it's good

Materialism

So I don't feel so bad today. Although I was far more productive yesterday and I am feeling productive, yet I am not doing anything much. What was funny today was Arb said I should marry em so I could take care care of eh lol funny funny. Other than that, the food wasn't that good. No idea why they liked it. It was ordinary.

Besides that, group was pretty productive. I am feeling less worried. Like everything else it passes. I still need to finish up the talk from yesterday. Other than that, even today I did get a few things done.

After getting home, Linens and Things was 50% off and oh dear there goes all the work I have done. The greed didn't take over so much, but I could feel it there. Materialistic. Materialism like Rainism ^^ emm so good. The temparary satisfaction. But I do feel I have made some progress. I remember when comp craped out on me and I would freak over lossing everything. Yet this time it was different. I was more or less indifferent. The loss was like nothing. I was a wee bit upset that the comp might not start up again, but it did. The lost content didn't matter to me. Given that I have some of it backedup, but most of it was lost. The videos and especially images. All gone. The videos I didn't feel much for, but the images. Took so many years to collect, all gone. I was sad, but not in pain. But everything worked out. Got the comp back up and working.

After the comp fixed, had a chat about memorization. But the bottom line is that around here, memorization proves nothing. Doesn't show you know anything. It's all about application. Any idiot can memorize. I know I still feel and I aknowledge it. The more I know the more I see we are different animals that don't see eye to important things. It makes it easier to bare and let go. Thanks you.

With love and compasion, the door to my heart is open to you.

I also should note that eh did mention getting something, but I really long for nothing. At least I know it can't be anything that could satisfy me, just bring me disapointment. Thus I want nothing.

Ajahn Mosquitoes

(it's so cute, I really want to get one for simmy) I will just preorder it I think. The door to my heart is open to you. Difficult beings take advantage of you... mosquitoes. Most diffuculty is how you react to it. You can change them? Being difficult is a phase from birth to death? Freshly sqousen lol he grunted. But where in the world does he get all this food? The one that's most difficult to live with is you. Reason you find other people difficult, is because you find yourself difficult.

The cause of stress: when it gets to heavy to bare, you don't know how to put it down, are afriad to put it down. Nothing to do with amount of work you have.

I don't think I will finish this talk, but it's a good one.

So on a side note, eh called so stressed as usual over communication. Lasted for 20minutes. Not sure how the topic on eating came up, but something about not thinking about eh. And then about not inviting em to eat. Intersting lol. Okay then, I will take you up on it. Show em to be careful what you say, especially around me because I will take you up on it and hold you to your word. So ha. Liar or not, even if so, can make em into not one eventually.

Shoot to Kill

It's not what you say, but what you do

Stupid blogger, where were you when I needed you? I guess it was just luck that it started to work just when I left. I am still distressed over the other day. But today I saw something that really hit reality hard. Eh is just frinedly towards everyone. Especially friendly. I see em for what eh is. I can see that now. I see right through em. The more I think about it. The more mum seems to be right about these types of things that I am just used. It really isn't what you way, it's what you do. I hear a lot of talk. Seldom see and observe where I am not involved. Today I saw a different side that's not the same as eh's words. Actions really do speak louder than words. They really do.. it's so true.

Today for the most part in a long while I have let it go. I really have. But sometimes I feel like without anything, does like have any meaning or it losses all meaning. But I guess I am trying to still find meaning in myself from within and not look out for meaning. The meaning must come from within.

In Dung Again..

*sigh* I don't know if this is the work that's making me feel crapy or the idea of it that's worse. It can even be eh that's really making me feel crapy. I know this feeling and I knew it was a matter of time before it catches up with me. But keep in mind that inless than 2 weeks it all be over. Maybe I just need a refresher. The ache. The longing.. it pains me. But I have been working on this for awhile. Maybe I just need a rest. Lets try that self. Don't harm yourself. Have to take care of one self.

It will be done

It shall be done was the second thought. Today went by as any day did. Work wasn't bad at all. Am really not too concerned about anything else. As for told, things will work out as they should and as they will. Even if it kills me.

I got you Under my Skin

Japanese version is so intense. It maybe the same or maybe I have the sound jacked up XD But either way it's still very good. There be more later, for now gotta boggie.

So tired and so hungie, but can not reat. At least not yet. I can't not fail this. I really can not. I need to find a way to get through this. I guess I can try to email classmate. But I won't know unless I try.

But should I? All things are pointing I should try, but then again bump into Nathan and dude in lab working on it. So that jerk jaja. Kick me. Really is something. Anyways it's Ajan Temptation that's what it really is ^^

Don't really feel like writing anything today so we leave it be for today. Night self.

On the Way to Hell

Jerk

So it was wierd that he noticed that I did cut my hair. It was just a few snips which no one in the right mind would notice except for someone that is really gey.

Why have I Fallen for You?

Why did I fall in love with you?

Say Jou Say

There was a phrased I like, but it was a wee but long for a simple blog title. So I guess I can leave it blank for now. Or not. Just went to see Troy and I know I was a wee bit late, but sadly I was turned away by the front desk. Either way, still have much to do and it's not like finishing up an assigment and it be done and done. It's more like on going and I don't like the idea that it's never done. But this too will pass. *except for his smexyness ^^

So randomly get a call from eh. But I am starting to think it was just a random mistaken call. I see no justification for it and if there was, already email the punk and taken care of it. All of wahtever we deal with will all pass. This feeling will not last forever and me sitting there dwelling on it does no good. Meetings I know I do not look forward to, but it really has been so long. It's about time we had one.

Either way it will pass and be done with soon enough. Oh and this morning, I don't know if my eyes decieve me, or maybe it was wishful thinking. But scored awsome on the marketing exam. I am not sure the reason, was it really em or was it I disaplined myself as uncomfortable as it was I tryed. Or was is pure luck?

Meeting was alright, ran into eh in Garvy. But dount everything eh says, but just to take it lightly. But I don't plan to stay so long. Not a problem either way, for there is no solution for it now. All will be clear when the time comes. So no worries.

For now I should..

• Figure out how to do MGMT problems


• Gather info fo credit default swap


• Start outline for last Phil paper

*After fliping through Dung book and Bible Lit* I wouldn't be happy if I got it. I am happy with the way things are, sure more would be nice. But it's enough. Just a call once awhile I an content. I don't dare to ask for more although I know I long for more. But it won't make me happy. Or anymore happy, it seems to be like the small things eh does that gives me tempary satisfaction. I will reach out to people with love and compasion weather they reach back or not. But can it be considered as reaching back after getting notes from eh? I didn't ask for it, and there it is.. I am very moved by it. And then there's em. If em can put in the effort to leave a message, I can do the same and then some because I want to. I can

Trust come on Foot, but Leaves on Horse back

It's really true what they say. Distress. Eh is making me distressed and I can feel it. But I expect nothing, but it just seems more and more eh just wants to go home. But nothing but love. I hope for the best for em. As long as eh is happy, I need not to know anything more. Knowing or not, won't make any difference, it can't change how I feel. Just contentment when things are well. And appreciation when things are down, they are there for a reason to teach us something. Even eh is there to teach me something. I do so much and yet I do nothing. Maybe it's better off that way. I really don't remember if I have used this image or not. But all this incomplete work is really eating away at me. I really do hope tomorrow I can be so much mroe productive. It may help to have a faster computer that I can just plow through all this. I will just leave this as is. There is a part of me that really wants a mp3 player, but I know I will get ill of all this soon and I need time to myself and to listen to myself. I can't keep ignoring myself especially how important I am.

NUTS = It's a nagging unfinished tasks. It's true... Goodnight self, tomorrow shall bea good day, very productive. It's all because I want to. Not for you or any other reason other than for myself. Because I am.