Tired

• And another day goes by and I can feel the need to control. But in a way I have nothing to say. It's better just to save it. I have been thinking of how to explain things. Weather to accept or to challenge. Either way I just want to be left to my own devices. I really don't want anything and yet I need everything. It's like how much should you try before you know it can't be yours? But if you don't try you will never know. But can you know before you even try? 12 has always been a good number for me. I have 10min left to finish things off and to call it an evening. For a bit today I felt a bit of bliss. And for a bit bitterness. It's a feeling I have tried long to let go of.

• I want to let more things go. When when out today, I found myself being impulsive. I caught myself and made myself to let it go. It was a good thing. I think I can still love and let go. At least I hope so. I will do my best. For now get some rest. Goodnight self. I know I did not get enough rest last night. It's hard to say what was going on. The restlessness. It felt good the productivity. And yet the onset of pain the following morning. I don't want it. I don't want this. I must try harder to let it go. To get out of the dung I put myself in. Nothing I can do, nothing I can control. Only love and peace. Please take care.