Crawling

I had some thoughts, but it seems more and more now days it seems for nothing. It's a new year and I can't say it has been bad. But for the past weeks, it has really given me something to think about. This is really like chewing one of them never ending gums. Just chew and chew. I learn I can't assume things. I can't generalize. I should try to ask more questions and be more clear. I know by reacting the way I do, it closes opportunities to learn more. My reaction will prevent further investigation.

~Care~
To care for someone, I do not know if that is something I can do well. Been worrying about many things of late. I need to keep warm first off.

And suddenly I thought of something to do with the little plastic containers.

Just try to care. I think that's all you can do. Is just care and love for the sake of loving. I think I have put certain things on a pillar and do not know how to get it down. What to do? But it sometimes gets to the point where I just don't want to care anymore. I don't want to wait.

~At Your Convince~
I still can not seem to be able to find the answers. I wish I knew. You will know what you need to know. There's no way to know everything. Even for me, there are things I am hesitant to talk about. Things I rather not talk about. At the end does it really matter? Nope, not like you can do dittly squat about it.

~Ends~
After these few weeks and the weekend. It's hard to say how I feel. It really has been a splurge of emotions and happiness and sadness. Sitting down here has been nice in the basement. It's cold yet calming. It makes me sit up right. Keeps the blood flowing. Think it better not to take things so personally. Better to work on inner peace and compassion. I don't want to hate or want anymore. Try to keep thing simple.

~Player~
But where in the world is the freaking mp3 player???! I have almost turned the bedroom inside out. But I have a feeling that I put it somewhere on purpose. Hopefully it will crawl out on its own eventually.

And yet I can't help but have this feeling that I was played. I am not sure how to get over it yet. Been pretty traumatic this weekend among other things. Doesn't seem to bother to know or to ask. So should I bother to say? I am a fairly open person. It doesn't matter, I shall be as I am.

Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna think anymore!
Stop callin, stop callin,

I dont wanna talk anymore!