Shame

Ye, I feel like mr pumpkin here because I did it all worng. I don't know what to say. I got no one to blame but myself. I shall wait for the grades and if worse comes to worse, I will drop it and attand intersession. I don't know if I can take that kind of chance to try to pull of something merichal on the final and get an C overall. I really can't keep doing this to myself. I will have to try my luck here and really try to get decent grades. I really can't take short cuts on this, I really can't. You had a way down. You really can't be bothered with the wasted ink and paper. It really can't be bothered. You need to take care of yourself. You are very important and don't put anyone else before you especially not a suy sun. My gift is really my curse. I should really learn something from all this. All very painful lessons. I really can't beleive I screwed it up. It's never as it appears. It's never as it seems. Never as easy as it looks. I should have been able to do this one especially he told us what it was all about and stupid journal entryies. But it's really the difficult things that are worth doing isn't it? I will take percausuions because I really can't risk it.

I am sorry for disapointing you. I really am. I am so sorry. I will clean up my act. I really will. Not later, but I will now. I am just so sorry. Please forgive me. After everything you have helped me with and the chances you have given me. I am so sorry. I can feel the burning pain I have caused you and other as well as myself. Self inflicted pain. I must always remember this. I must always keep it in mind. The act itself I can never stop. Can never be lose, always be uptight. Can't be stingy no more. How much I have wasted and squandered. How I suffer as things get better for. I wish for hell for. How I need this. How I want things to be better. How lazie can I be? How stupid can I be? All the work and effort. Can all be for nothing. I really need to pass with a C. Can I still? Is it possible? So help me God. I know you have helped me, I know you have tried. But I have no excuse. Realistically there's no where I can go. There really is no where I want to. Technically if I get 100 on the next some I can what what are the chances? I can't even do journal entries. I feel like starting over sometimes. When knowing you can't always do that. I really do some damage controll. I really need to try to save myself.

I really need to be more consistant. Always working on things so I don't ever have to study. In a blink half a semester is already over. Let it go, let it all go. I wonder if I can take the hit, but realistically I don't think I can. I really can't. I don't work on it enough, I really don't. And I can't take a hit right now. I shall wait and see nrxt week and by then I will have enough information to decide for myself. All in due time. Scope just tells me to keep moving and not to sit still with indecesion. I know it's the best way to deal with anything. For now I shall move on and keep moving. For I an not looking for a place to stop or to rest. I am done resting. Rest and sleep are for people. For I am neither or. I need to start kicking some arse as cold as I may need to be, it gets the job done. If I run on hate, put unrelentless hate and revenge. It may not be the best way, but it works unfortunattly. Especially seeing how well doing. First you were the best friend and then nothing, drop you after has better things to do. Wait till your world goes to hell. I will not let you off that easily, you will pay for it. I will make sure of it. You will pay.