Plans

Actually going to mark something, http://www.lumberjackdays.com/ Something to consider when the times comes. But either way, it's not a big deal because as usual, something will come up.

Breakfast not so good, had some chex mix, was nice and tasty and salty, but I don't think it's good for you very much. I sure like sandmaches, but I wonder how long I can surive on them? Will I get tired of them? I forget my banana today. I knew I was forgetting something. Mondays always go by quickly because usua;;y on the weekend you are pummeled by a bunch of things. A few things I need to gather this week include...

-mayo
-pots
-pick bag
-pick up and return stuff
-ship calc
-file nails
-bring 2 cub bags
-bring chip clip

Be who they want you to be, never who you are.

Yesterday(sunday) I seemed so indifferent. I didn't seem to care. I am not sure if I was trying to be understanding or I was just sick of it all. Later that evening I got a call and it confirmed or at least put me at some ease that I did make the right decesion of not going. But at the end made a comment that put me on edge. But I told that i didn't care. I could say a lot of things about this, but today for the first time, I don't even have to try and it goes away. I think a part of my heart sank when she called. Whatever the case was, it just made it all the more real that this was something serious. As for the results for the most part, I have lost interest. It's like my dog doesn't want to fight anymore. Doesn't see the resason to join or to stay any longer. I worry about this feeling, how serious it is and where it can lead.

There seems to be a number of things I seem to be bitter and resentful over. I need to work them out on my own and not have them brought up. It is what it is, but how do I deal with it? My own version of hell, my tortured soul. But was asmusing this weekend was on sat lunch, own brother call gay. Ha, so it's not just me. Some things are better left a lone and not to look.

And just randomly this pops up http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-timothy-c-geoffrion-phd/when-prayer-makes-a-diffe_b_601399.html

My goodness, already doing a ph.d program. It makes me want to go back to school, but what for? I sometimes have thought I would define myself by my schooling. But I have more or less given up on that part.

omg... I just finally got rid of 2 big ones and now i feel another one poping up!!!! Freaking hell. Either way, esterday I most of what I wanted to do done. I am not sure what to do with this bump as it really hurts. The tinted cream stuff also has a smell to it that doesn't help. I like the old stuff better, the new stuff is more chemical. But I will live with it. But I do not know if I can live with the other things. At least right now it's more or less a daily battle. There's no rush togo or be anywhere right now. So I just read this stupid chain letter type story on facebook, so stupid. I do lack a romantic bone. And yet I feel the need to man up more. I still have concerns that are nor really concerns, Whatever happens, it will be fine. I am sure with it. I can live with or without you. I sure did gouge a whole in mysef yesterday. I just kept digging and digging and I don't think I really got anywhere except blood and pain. It sure does make you feel alive doesn't it? At least I can still feel pain without love.