Belive in the Pain

First things first
I'mma say all the words inside my head
I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh-ooh
The way that things have been, oh-ooh

Second thing second
Don't you tell me what you think that I can be
I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea, oh-ooh
The master of my sea, oh-ooh

I was broken from a young age
Taking my soul into the masses
Write down my poems for the few
That looked at me
Took to me, shook to me, feeling me
Singing from heart ache from the pain
Take up my message from the veins
Speaking my lesson from the brain
Seeing the beauty through the...

Pain!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
Pain!
You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer
Pain!
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My luck, my love, my God, they came from...
Pain!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

Third things third
Send a prayer to the ones up above
All the hate that you've heard has turned your spirit to a dove, oh-ooh
Your spirit up above, oh-ooh

I was choking in the crowd
Living my brain up in the cloud
Falling like ashes to the ground
Hoping my feelings, they would drown
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing Inhibited, limited
Till it broke up and it rained down
It rained down, like...

Pain!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
Pain!
You break me down, you built me up, believer, believer
Pain!
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My luck, my love, my God, they came from...
Pain!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

Last things last
By the grace of the fire and the flames
You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins, oh-ooh
The blood in my veins, oh-ooh
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing Inhibited, limited
Till it broke up and it rained down
It rained down, like...

Pain!
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
Pain!
You break me down, you built me up, believer, believer
Pain!
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My luck, my love, my God, they came from...
Pain!
You made me a, you made me a believer

 So I come across this song last week and it really spoke to me. Though I meant to write this sooner. It's hard to find time alone. Maybe it's time to fine your own place. The idea of chon goon closing is really starting to settle on. The idea of always being in my own head and trying to not be in it so much and just saying what's on your mind. The pain of feeling you really can't say what is on your mind. The frustration. Tired of how things have been. Being the master of my own sea. Being broken for a long time. Only believing in the pain. To be broken down and built back up.

Am I still getting over it? There are moments that you are still crossing my mind. but then again like on Friday I was reminded of the smell. It wasn't pleasant though I want to say in my mind I was trying to make the best of it.  I wonder if I don't have specifics will I know what I am talking about? I don't even know if I will go look back. It's more of a moment thing. I looked at at some written material 5 pr 6 years back and I sort of have an idea what was going on. So much has happened that blends into one day into another. I'm trying to find major events to pick out of the days and years but in a way it all seems like nothing has happened or anything really worth recalling. But indeed the time did exist, though it may not be so memorable and each day seems like another.

I don't think this song will stick though. It driven by some feelings, but will it be enough to get me through this?  I'm really anxious. It has really been eating away at me I would say for the past 3 weeks. It's about the same time I really starting to get back writing. Not sure if it will help this time, but I got me some time in school in the hall community lab. Not like I can do any of this at work, but there is always the phone. I know when this happens I start t get back to checking my scope and get back to all these habits that has gotten me through these times. In times of bout.

I don't this this would last either, but I want to end on a more positive note. A new group, but like that n'ueste group, not the best singers, but they are cute and the backup dancers are sure pretty. Catchy, lets see how long this one lasts.