Letting Go

Sure I used this image before. Today was the first day of the last class I will take? Could it really be? The closer I get to finishing, the fear grows stronger. But I know if I do nothing, nothing will happen or the wrose. But I want to be safe and say if nothing happenes its because I didn't do anything not because of something I had done. Loing at the report that has to be done, seems so unsurmountable. Can't say the comp is helping being all laggy and stuff. Been on Mu. I wonder if it's a cause or an symptom? If it wasn't there, would I have gotten anything done? Or just another outlet? No, I don't mean mu, but Diablo. But I was having a brain block today so I wasn't able to write anything but a sentance. But I am flowing now.

Bor Bor

That sure went worse than the last one. Not that I feel bad about it. I know it could be much worse. I know I can only thank whos watching over me and the Lord for giving me such an opertunity. I don't dare be greedy, but it can't hurt to ask. I wonder how much if any it helped? Is a B so much to ask for? I know the multi choice was some of the most difficult I have seen yet. It sure don't help that I am hungie. I think I may have toasted the raviolie a little too much this morning. But I need to get going and do some cleaning up before I leave. Have much to do to prepare. I feel disapointed and hapless like there was more I could have done. but what's worse is that I am pretty sure that there was little to nothing I could have done to do any better. I will get what I deserve. And that's that.

Boobage

Think I like the hair more than the suit itself. Say a suit I actually liked a tankini. Cute and covers too on a comercial. So today got the score for international finance. Expected disapointment. But it could have been much worse, not that it wasn't bad enough. But I shall take it. Yesterday was not a bad day, but only because of a simple call the other day, I can get through the day easier. But I start to get restless, like alonging, yearning for more, when I should know it's enough. But I guess it's something to distract me from reality of what's impending..

So Sim stays over today, and we comfirm what Boris did waws a dodo on the carpet. Reafirms that I do not want a dag. He gets here and first thing he tells me is that I am sleeping on the floor because mom said so. Sad sad, knew she favored him. Went out to get some fried chicken wings just because it was buy 10 get 10 free. They were nice and crunchy. The pimple on my cheeck has stoped hurting from the past 3 days. Left a make of course, but sure better than hurting. In a fairly good mood because of that. Sure the exam earlyer today didn't go well, but overall didn't affect my for too long. But what's irritating me now is the buggie bites or maybe it's ants fanging me. They were starting to hurt so I put on some expired cream. It has a nice cooling feeling to it, so hopefully it helps. I really want to get a nail buffer now, asked Steph where she got hers and it looks like I am going to be making a $10 investment soon. Spent a good deal of time watching back to back NCIS. Who knew it could be so intersting. Or maybe I like the Dark Angel cute funny guy? keke

Speaking of Steph, today is the 8th and she moves in with Paul today and I noticed she changed her facefook status to engaged. It's a funny word engaged like when I first saw it, it looked like en-gaged. I am happy for her. I really am. A slight envy in there, but it's a good thing. It's only wishful thinking, if it really happened I wouldn't know what I would do or even want it then. Just as an option.

Someone poped in for a bit and disapeared. Not sure what happened. I really should be more proactive. I think it's better to pounce on things too soon than not soon enough. Think we try to think of the perfect was to do things, a fault free way when there really isn't one. But it seems a least troublesome way is to attack soon with careful calculated hast like buying the headsets. Don't think I mentioned that before. But it was more or less out of hast I bought them as an investment and didn't open them. But sold one over the weekend so am even with plus some profit. Good deal, but that act was out of hast. If I waited, the next day extra 50% clearance it be all gone. Sometimes you can't plan or predict these things.

Think I was bitten by an any on mi fingie. It's starting to itch and hurt a bit. Oh ye, need to pick up some pills tomorrw. See if I can remember. Not see, I will pick up pills. Other than that, good thing in a way sim is here to keep me company, else, I could be going a little crazy. But then again I got a few things I can and should be working on like my cheat sheet. So I better get back to it, I will check back on here soon.

Shoes

Daily Planetary Overview
Mars sextile Uranus will bring the desire to make things happen quickly, but you'll need to be flexible. Don't try to keep a set schedule or you will just become frustrated and won't be able to take advantage of opportunities.

Your Horoscope - Today, July 7, 2009
Don't take your bank or portfolio statement at face value today, melly, as financial errors are likely. It could be that someone wants you to see things according to his view of things, which may not be based on the facts. Check and double-check any important figures that cross your desk. You are the only one whom you can trust to truly work in your own best interests. It's time to put your good mind to use and start working on your own behalf.

Think that part is what really made its point.

Forgotten

Is a time then things were simplier. When there were things to be done and you just did it and then do something else. Some reason something is in the way. First time in awhile feel frustration like nothing can be done or done right. Maybe I am putting too much emphasis on certain things. Maybe it's easier to just accept things and not fight it. Things are as they are. It's not part of the deal. I don't mean to break it, but I do not understand then was this a failed test? How cruel. But I am the crulest to myself. Nothing anyone can do can compare to the things I do to myself. When have I become so attached? How painful.

Head beats in pain, hopefully after a nap I shall feel better soon. Very soon. I know I didn't eat much, but that could be the I wouldn't call it stress, but it's the same reaction, it's more like distress combined with other factors. Gets some rest self, most importantly of all is yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel anything but loving kindness for one self.

I do want to be fair. But that's not thinking like a mistress is it? Wonder what's going on with the formate.
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It just accured to me that I jsut feel stupid right now. Especially for waiting for something, anticpating something that won't happen. And worse of all is that it's so connected to the past. Really do need to be busy, but I don't want to be too busy for anything. But just busy enough. Yet it also keeps me from things..

Oh silly me, there it is. it was just a silly tab option. Silly silly.

I really don't want to look anymore, I really don't want to know. But something keeps me coming back for more. Like an addiction. I know I am ill. The buggie bites sure don't help at all if any. Like I keep returning for more punishment.

~Lord, anyone out there watching over me, help me over come this dreaded self inflicted pain.

Gara Gara Go!

At least I found a new Big Bang song. It's not that good but it will do. Got the result of the score and damn. Gosh darn it. And I saw this happening and it's funny how a point here and there really adds up. So much to do and so little time. I don't think it will take that much time. It's just a matter of getting down to doing it. I fear what it be like with no more exams left to take or an exam to prepare for anymore. I was thinking of going for certificates now. It's something to consider. But I really need to finish all this up. SO please try. Things are usually not as bad as it seems. You make it much worse than it is and inavetable make it difficult because you expect it to be.

How strange for setting and layout is different. There's not option to adjust the fond or colors. Maybe it's just this computer. But then again the strangest thing I was able to get on MSN on a school computer. Stranger things has happened. On a brigherter note, although I shall try to maintain an B for deriv, I can still try for an A in Fire after getting all the bounis points. Should have been better. Seen it all before.

Please don't create you own missery, get out and stop rolling in the dung.

Bobo

Dramatic~
I want to try to make this quick, not much has happened, but some thoughts. Soon Steph be moving out on the 8th. Exciting eh? Pigeon went to a sci-fi convention without us. Jerk. But it's funny to hear there's a french kissing booth there lol But hey, what else do I expect? I just started to call him Bobo the other day. I really didn't expect to like him at or even much at all. But I have grown quite fond of him for the past few days. He has been much more well behaved than back in LSF. Going to misss the big bugger. Else, nothing too exciting besides a make-up haul at Ulta and $1 more importantly of all retractable eyeliner woot! And before I forget, I actually lost my wallet again, but this time at Cub and this time was lucky enough for it to be found. You don't know the releife I felt... On a sour not, fishie bubblier is busted and forgot to get a new one today.


~Sleep~
I have been sleeping a lot of late the past 2 days just sleeping away the afternoon. I am not sure why, like I have lost some will or an onset of depression or something. But I think a part of it could be the worry of the Deriv exam. Antoerh part is the Powerpoint in which the group has not even started or even organized. I don't want to end up spending so much time on it, but I might end up doing so. But it's like the extra quiz. How I dread and dread.. I did try to prepare and dread some more, but at the end it didn't seem so bad at all or not as bad as I make it out to be. But it did help me prepare as I did scribble everything I got worng on the exam, but it was all something we had praticed. But one thing that's a mist. I am not sure what, or it could be someone. but I creat my own missery and wallo in my own dung.

~Missery Company~
It's true is it not? I know this part of my I try to deny. I can feel it all this weekend with what a Moe was doing and about Steph. I could feel myself loosing it and having thoes thoughts of ill will and wishful thinking. Although it's not really what I want, I don't want others to have it either. It's awful isn't it? Like how I want others to have a bad/hard time. It's like if things are not going well for me I sure don't want thing to go well for you either. So much ill will. Though today it wasn't so bad. It could be associated to attachment. Why else would I want such things? I guess of late I have been worrying about a number of things. Hopefully with time it will sort itself out..

For now take care fo yourself, goodnight self.