Squashed Bugs

It's easy to forget the things the reasons. Recall the lack of initiative but can't be blame given the circumstances. At least got most of the paper organized and tossed a bunch more out. Now to organize other aspects of the perimeter.

Was worried about not finding a group but given the count, there was bound to be one not full. Lucky me the first one asked was the one since it was 3 and there 24 in the class, the odds are that's the one short. What are the odds given what knew and deducted that the best bet was this area. Will see how this goes. But it occurred today was a total nerd but not avalible. Hairy. Totally type. Well it usually takes some time to grow on ya. Not like a few weeks be enough time for anything to grow. Plan for now is to get through accounting. 

Daily Grind

Not feeling like your getting what you put in. When things are not moving at the desired pace. Is this what should be done?  How to stay in the game. Things get tough. Need metrics for the goal. No illusion.

Have not been sleeping well. Not sure if it has been the anxieties or the bed. Don't want to blame the bed now. Not sure there would have been weekend times but maybe not since most places not open on weekend anyways. Glad went in to too else really slim pickings. Hmm maybe look at further locations to see if there are more days. Maybe dehydrated. Try drinking more.

Not sure why drippie and pants so baggy. Trying not to listen to anything beyond myself. Makes me wonder how many house should be put in and then again is it quality over quantity? Tried to use some memory techniques that hopefully will help. Maybe just work on drinking out some problems but first should work on having less and more tightly organized so don't spend time shuffling through stuff or letting anxiety build up and throw off the flow. Go through and organize first. 

Culprit

If cause me to fail this I will kill you. Work so hard to put up a front and this is what get in return? Don't deserve this. Should get better. Maybe should eat. Feeling a mess. But nothing appealing. Feeling really greedy. See what strikes. Feeling frustrated. Time to step back and reset.

Rude

How rude. Guess you learn how not to be. Recently went to read the review which swore there was not that many before were all kinda what was already thinking. So nothing really different or unique. Nothing changes. Well even got dads foot trained after enough times. But still got other training. But is that something want to lean towards? Not sure yet. Maybe a better idea in the next month. No shortage of things to work on. Am really tired or advoiding? Time to grab a soda. But like tax frog said. It's all dedication and presence of sort. Really be able to be determined to put the time on and to for go all. Once it's done it's done.

That organic pop tart was sure not good. Remind self pop tarts are just plain not tasty in general. Sometimes have an itching for a s'mores one. Else usually are not really tasty. Find ways to enjoy eating more. It's one of the few things to look forward to if it's not drinking. How to make it more tasty. 

Dread

Dread wed now more than anything. Maybe should have advised it but why all so slow? At this point should be any changes just checking and it's not done by noon? Rather not but been doing this for awhile and should be getting pretty good at this as long  as don't screw up the screens. Gotta be flexible. The phone on the other hand has a screen that glows when it feels like it and don't when it doesn't. Can always run and set up over night. Canada do t even have that many people yet still take as long. It's just annoying. It is what it is if you want to be slow.

Let's not worry about things one has not control over or not want to control and at the meantime work on other things you know that are creeping up on ya to be done. Feel like if I just spent 3 days on studying and the other one day on class material, is that enough time? 

Heatwave

Oh gawd why this stinking hot building why this one. So rather be cold than how so disgustingly hot and not even wearing under layer today except for pants. But it's just ridiculous.

Think the more time spent away suddenly imaginary buddy shows up some reason. Maybe it's that time of the month and from being tired just don't have the energy to get a handle on it. Gotten a little more outside f hand than the usual. But reality sets in and it's really never as things seems and never as how it's played out in your mind. What's there will stay there. So what now? Now sure how everyone else does it. Assumptions creep in and biases and then falling into old habits. Trying not to stay in the same place dong the same things. Waiting for the same things. Holding on to the same things. F this. It will play out on its own. Not like getting a group together means things would get started sooner. It all gets done one way or another. It'll work it self out without any concerns. This heat on the other hand. It should be fall now. The frek. Let's not get too comfortable. 

Bouncing

It was okay and dare even say better for a few weeks. It could be the darn frogs or just the demos so blabbery. And then the wandering. Tempted to dig but really should not. Not like it did any good last time.

For awhile was thinking maybe this was something that can work out but now the donuts creep in and don't feel like really recalling anything. Just tricking myself into thinking or goIng through the motions of it. Can't help but think of the comment that someone read it all on a single plane ride while took 3 days. The last few chaps didn't even really focus on and skimes through it. Really how much should really recall or pass ever? Still. It sure of the answer beyond have to get through it faster. Okay soon reeeadinn the comment it was actually 15 chaps but think the beginning of the book was better than the last 5. Feel like the effort at that point had drifted off and it was more getting to the point more to wrap it up. 

Cryptic log files

Frogs at the Beach again

Try to get away but there it is again. Eyes are really tired or burning from something. Well at least just play it out and to no where it goes. It's nice yet damaging. Without it seems so pointless yet with it painful as the moments flees. In trying to capture it, dwindled away what was once was. How to capture the moment? Can only accept that it's like a flame. Nice at a distance and burns as you get too close. As much as would like to hold and keep the flame. So nice so useful. It's not meant to be held. Best admired from a distance. 

Love Yourself

Jimin is just great. Been waiting for their new songs for awhile. Not sure if was going to like this song as it was a ballad. Didn't even start on any of the class items for the semester.  It really is going to be hell on wheels for the rest of the year. Hopefully tomorrow will be fairly slow that can get a few things prepped for class. Not sure how will get any of the side studying done. Only got a month to churn it all out. Swore it was 3pm just a moment ago.

Really with all the clutter really can't have nice things or get anything. Not really interested in experiences though it seems to be the things gotta share with others to be more interesting. Really not interested in experiences anything at the moment to share with anyone. No one else seems interested in eating anything so why wait for anyone else feels like doing something before am allowed to do anything. Part of is just waiting for school to start so can avoid it all. Really can't hang around in st. paul but can linger around msp. Less focus on others things and more on your own. Can't expect anything from others if can't expect it yourself. Doesn't matter who saids what. Gotta have some grit. Things can disappear. Don't need permission. Your opinion doesn't matter. Free yourself from yourself.

Still struggling with the why long for something can not have, yet to have grit and to pursue what it is that is desired and to not be detoured. To not desire what can not be obtained or to stick to what is determined to have? At what point is there is one to stop or go another direction? Stick to it regardless? doesn't mean it can't be put down for awhile to pursue other activities. That darn tree frog was like a sign. Didn't really think would see one. Think had imagined it at one time or another. But didn't think would encounter one. Really can't recall the last time ran into one.