Worries

"The thing to remember is that you should be one hundred percent yourself. People will react to you the way they need to. Don't worry about their feelings - they are not your responsibility."

It has been a week since the feels has gone away. It just suddenly was gone over time. There was some pain, but it was very temporary. I feel as if I lost much feeling. Many of the songs I once adored I do not care for anymore. Sia, Gaga even, but I still have a spot for Mercy. I even found myself clearing some of my song list of anything that doesn't move me any longer. On Friday, it really settled in place. It was the smell, the idea of still reading news papers, really started to sink in.

 I have new worries now, worries that I am not picking up things fast enough or figuring things out fast enough, getting hung up on things, asking for help, not getting enough done, not knowing what to do, discovering who you really are and not liking it. Who to be, what to be. I feel as though I am being too concerned how others are feeling, like I'm bothering them. Who am I? What am I?

I have been dwelling and dreading the marketing essay, but it's done now. It wasn't as bad as I imagined and them I imagined it wouldn't be that bad. Although I think I could of had a little more fun. Who knows, maybe the grade will be bad. I'm not hoping for too much at this point. But I think I spent a little too much time on the simulation. But I didn't want to give up on it. I thought I had done enough but it kept pulling me back to do better. I feel as though I spent too much time on it. But I did end up getting the better score I wanted a 69. I was hopping for a 70 but close enough. I did feel I was getting a better feel for it so I kept trying. If only the same thing applied to other aspects.

As I sit there at 1:30am. I know a part of me is tired. I wondered where I would ever find the energy for anything. I wasn't really tired on the paper, but was task driven. The idea of the stubborn tasks for tomorrow  upsets me when there is no progress. Not being able to check the items off the list. Hopefully tomorrow will not be as bad as I imagine. Get support of you have to.

"The thing to remember is that you should be one hundred percent yourself. People will react to you the way they need to. Don't worry about their feelings - they are not your responsibility."