Desire

Just when I thought I got over you, you creep up again. I thought I was doing so well. Then suddenly attacked by allergies. Is this my punishment? One should not desire something so cold. What is it about you that makes you so intriguing? What is it about you? I imaging it's something like imaginary Mary. I'm sure you are nothing like what I think in my mind. I also throught I didn't have allergies, but here I am dying at work and wanting to get outta there like running out of a fire. At that moment, I didn't really care what you said, it all went to the side line. I'm starting to feel the feeling of hopelessness. If I wasn't getting into big data, and not technical enough, yet not analytical enough, in a field that's shrinking using software that people are divesting. Where am I going? Where is this all leading to? Maybe I should not worry about the destination and focus on doing well at where I am then worry about the next place I will be. I may not make it to that point. Focus on deliberate practice. I need to find a way to get ahead. Can't listen to music when you are listening to instructions. So much to learn out there. Not really sure where to start but gotta start somewhere and I think it helps to save an example of one that does that thing.

I'm looking at the layout and how I revert back to what I am familiar with and comfortable with.  Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Should I change its? What if I don't like it?  Can I go back? I worry about making the bad or wrong choice and being stuck with it. Does it matter how you get there as long as you get there and want to be there? What about that I am not good at it and others are better at it? It's not like they just know how to do things. They went and found out and worked on it. It's not something you may see, but it took practice. It's reminds me of an interview with a swimmer and he was asked if he likes to practice. He said if you are asking if he likes getting up at 5am and getting into an icy pool and staring at a black line at the bottom of the pool for hours at a time and swimming until his lungs feels like exploiting?  Then no, but he enjoys overall what the sport brings. but what is my sport?  Is it to find a new sport? I don't see myself staying with the same thing for too long if it's not ever changing or something new to learn.