Stillness

Stillness

It's nice when things are not so noisy. I tire of it all. But I do want to watch the Oprah interview with the mistress. Not much talking going on this weekend. Not sure why. Could be just a busy week. But then again, nothing much to talk about. Just doing. But I always seem to get this way where I get to a point where I just don't want to do anything where I have so many ideas, but can't get anything done.

Anger towards one self is guilt.

Stillness

Reminessing

For some reason I was looking back last night. I am not sure why. Maybe because I miss something or because something new was going to happen. I can sure type. Anyways, the past weekend was nice I guess. The less you know, the better for you to deal with. Like I had a thought last night at work, like if there was someone outside waiting, I would be on the edge. But if there was someone and I didn't know, I would feel nothing until I knew someone was there and then feel a bit guilty for not knowing. But I feel it for less time this way. And I can make an excuse that it can't be helped that I didn't know. You can't admit to something you didn't know about.

~Glee~
I am not sure if it is glee, but in an odd way I feel better about it. Knowing that someone longs for one. But it's an interesting feeling to know you left an impression on someone. Someone that is unforgettable. More like a stroke to the ego. Not sure why but I have been looking back of late. The longing to touch base with somethings.. And it may happen soon. I think only after Monday will determine how things will go. So much is riding on Monday. I hope things go well. Knowing that I am better off in this end makes a part of me feel better. But I will keep things on my part, what you are call it, impersonal? Not sure if that is the word I am looking for.

~Spots~
The spots on my face sure don't help. And I though it would help. But it's touch and go. Not sure if it has gotten worse or just moved to another location it seems like and keeps appearing there now. So what to do? As I always feel as long as it doesn't hurt, I don't mind it so much. I am trying to plan the outfit for Next Saturday. I already have it figured out in my mind, but we shall see when the time comes. I should have also made an appointment sooner. But I guess things took so long that I left it on the side for too long and forgot about it.

The spots sure do hurt. But does knowing hurt more? Am I going to do anything anyways? It's more like to use it to make decisions in the future. What kind? I am not sure yet. I really do want it to get better. I will do some tossing. I really think, I can let some things go... I have to...

~Apart~
Things have not been going too poorly. Things overall have been well. Just once in awhile, thoughts get in my head and make things worse. Else, there are things I worry about, but nothing that as come to light if I didn't go dig for it. I really am looking for dung to play with. and when I get out to dry off, I end up crawling back in because I miss it I guess. But tomorrow should be a good day to go out drop off stuff at goodwill. I been meaning to do that. It has been too long really. But more reason to dig out stuff for them tonight.

Knowing

The idea of knowing too much. But I already know what I am going to do. I just hope I am able to do it when the time comes. I can already feel it. But I do hope working will ease it. For now, can't worry so much. I got other more pressing issues that needs me. So we will leave this on the back burner as I already know what is going to happen...

~SOL~
I so want to dance like him. It's something I can work on as I think of new creations. But like any song, I don't want to get ill of this one either.

Menz

Very tired. Today I have had an inability to get things done. I am not sure why. Maybe just tired. I want to let some things go especially the computer or at least less time with it. But I have not been able to find the charger to the mp3 player. I wonder where it went. Typing doesn't seem to hurt as much. But it still hurts.. the pain is in the fingers.

~Neopets~
Mom just randomly brought it up and I logged on and saw a message that was long forgotten.. How interesting. Went to catch up on some reading, but it may not be such a good idea. Yet I can't seem to help myself.

~Me and My Rocks~
I want to get over it and get things done.

Getting Over It

~Wedding Dress~
the song seems appropriate for some reason. But it is a good song. I just don't happen to not like the name of the song. But either way, it shouldn't stop me from liking the song. I want to get more things done. I am not sure if I should just do it now or wait. But waiting like I waited to hope to get a better discount from Express, but either way. It means I can buy less if all works out well. And knowing me, I will find something else to buy.

~Don Tot~
And the call that I waited for finally came. But I am still pessimistic. But we shouldn't let that stop me. As we look forward during the next month. It's so uncertain. I plan on not seeing much anyways. But I will find something to keep myself wound up like looking for cloths and dressing myself up. Dressing one self up seemed to have worked in the past and it has it effects still. Maybe I should stick with it. It be a never ending process as one can never be enough in ones eyes.

Abuse

Daily Planetary Overview - The Moon moves into stable Taurus today, allowing you to rest and nest before you take on any new adventures. Cooking, napping and gardening are all good ways to make the most of this comfortable Taurus energy. If it feels good today, it's probably a good idea to do it!

Your Horoscope - Today, Apr. 15, 2010e
Be polite and try your best not to impose on other people today, Melly. It is important for you to behave well in all circumstances. You will find that people may feel as if they have been cheated, and though you may not be the source of their discontent, you may be feeling the consequences. Keep other people's issues separated from your own, and try not to let their discomfort bleed over into your world.

~Progress~
I did get something done, but I don't think it's as much as I wanted it to be. Especially not on the makeup front. I did clear out a few and mess up a few as well. But it helped me to realize how much or more like too much I got. And I was thinking of getting more eye shadow.. shame shame. Got to work on the inventory controll. I know I have been on the edge of late, but I think the talks help. Before I was all concerned as usually about things not working out. But at least for now it seemed has to worked itself out.

The whole car thing that was mentioned. So cheap. Can't afford to own a car then shouldn't. I didn't really mean it. I am just agitated.

~Bothered~
I hope to find more things to toss in the morning. I hope to find a better position for the hand. Because I really can't keep this up. I am so going to develop hand issues. Weather I believe or not, does not matter much anymore. I seem to be leaning to not more. So it doesn't matter. I so need to find a more comfortable position.

You are Already Sick Enough

~Why so Loud?~
I got war of the roses to listen to. I am not sure what time it is one. But I hope to catch a it. I really don' think anything is going to get any bigger at this rate. I have been going at this for like 2 weeks. I try to do the kegal workouts.

We worry ourselves sick.
We are sick enough already worry about the future
We neglect the place where we can do something
We have so many things.
We live such complicated lives.
We can not travel lightly through life.
We carry rocks among other things.
The first way of letting go is chucking things out
You get tired of carrying it.
What can you toss, more than you can imagine and nothing goes wrong
Free from the past
Have courage to let go.
We get a lot of pain from the past, more than what you can learn
The future is uncertain
Life has gone in directions you could not have predicted
The fault finding complaining mind

Farming

Scope: You will have a day of profound reflection, Melly. While you may be tempted to look back and think about how far you have come in the last months, your time would be better spent thinking about what the future has in store for you. You have entered a period of rethinking both your identity and your objectives. These are not small changes. You will need every ounce of energy at your disposal to make it through this time of transition.

I have been doing some thinking today. I am not sure. I am tired today. I think I have been staying up rather on the later side. But I think since the bugginess of the whole farming thing, I have noticed less people are around. That translate to less freebies for little old me. So I am not sure where everyone have gone too.

~Looking Back~
I went to look up people on FB and found one and then a bunch more I have thought about of late. I am hesitant to add. But I guess no one was looking for me. I still feel it is not time yet. Hopefully soon. But as more time passes, I am feeling rather more anxious. ~Planning~ I am trying to get some things done today. I am not sure who much I can get done. So I will try to things set in my head. Hopefully not so tired. I remember how I can use to run on 5 hour energy and adrenal. Guess I am getting old.

Falling

I seem to be galling behind on things. I did make the call today finally when I actually wanted to call on Tuesday. My goal at least for not is to call once a week. But well shall see. It's more or less a tentative schedule. I really need to clear some things out. For the last day or two, some thoughts have been going through my head. But it happens off and on. I only hope it knows how to turn itself off when it needs to be and not get so much in the way of productivity. I still got a lot of clearing to do. So for now, lets clean myself up first and then start clearing. I still got time.

It only takes a few minutes, so why is it so hard? I am over thinking things and making things more difficult than it needs to be.

Funny eh?

~Scope~

Be honest and understanding. No one will understand your obscure metaphors and jokes unless they have some practical use. Water your plants and mow your front lawn. The closer you can be to the Earth today, the better.

I did work on them plants today.

~Neglect~
I really have been. Tomorrow I need to make sure I am being heard.. Maybe it's a sign then. But we shall see.

Funny eh?

Be honest and understanding. No one will understand your obscure metaphors and jokes unless they have some practical use. Water your plants and mow your front lawn. The closer you can be to the Earth today, the better.

I did work on them plants today.

~Neglect~
I really have been. Tomorrow I need to make sure I am being heard.. Maybe it's a sign then. But we shall see. Do I need to make a trip tomorrow? As I am not looking forward to it. But then again, why even need to go. I need to care about the things I should and not both with the other things.

I am bothered by the credit statement, I am bothered by the fake bill, I am bothered by the trip and price, I am bothered by the weekend, I am bothered by.

I need to take my own advice and hope that things and the obvious answer will appear before me and work itself out. It may no be clear now what I should do. So I need to wait patiently.

So I guess that answered the mall question.

Taio

In your romantic life, you’re living on impulse today, dear Melly… And since neither your head nor your heart will listen to reason with the Lovers’ influence at play, you better be careful what you say or do! This is a day where it would be a good idea to bite your tongue and count to ten before saying anything at all. Your big challenge du jour: try to keep your passion under control, and channel your energies into relationships that will be meaningful in the long run...

I sure have been moody of late. So I haven't been in the mood to write. And it seems like it maybe even worse today. I am not sure why I am always so tired this week. Hopefully it will pass. It maybe better to keep to myself for awhile.

Taio

~Speak softly and carry a big stick~