Obsession

Note: Gaining more experiences so u can share them in the future.

So possessed with cloths right now.

Painless

~Trash~
It feels good to be tossing the pants out. I knew I had too many, but some were just hard to let go at the time for some reason. Sure a lot easier to toss today. Maybe had to check the phases of the moon for this kind of stuff. I am still hoping for pain. I am feeling too well. Hopefully be able to find more things to toss in the morning.

Growing Pains

~Bothersome~
I need to constantly remind myself how I can not be bothered with some things. I got my own things to worry about. Each time this time rolls around, it's always this feeling. This worry. It's unwarranted. I do not like it for many reasons. I feel like toss toss toss, toss it all. I hope for it soon. It's the time when I hope for pains. I do hope the discomforts has been for that reason. Else, I will leave things alone. I don't need to or have to deal with everything. Take care of yourself above all.

Daily Planetary Overview

The Sun square Mars today in Fixed Signs will bring out your argumentative and stubborn side. Your temper will flare with little provocation and it will be difficult to control your emotions. You may cause a scene by being overly dramatic.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 29, 2009

Someone who lives near you whom you may not have said much to before may suddenly strike up a conversation with you that could result in a new friendship, Melly. You could find yourself wondering why you didn't speak to this person before. They could share a number of your interests, and because of that, some interesting group activities could be brought to your attention. The only caution: don't push too hard, and don't over-idealize your new friend.

I do hope the temper is because of that time. I really do. But I know I wasn't happy at all when the weekend isn't planned or so uncertain. But aren't most things are like that. The second part about a conservation with someone. It's interesting as on was far and another not quite as far. But to my surprise or not so much, someone was rushing to the alter, hehe. Still as impulsive or maybe more of a romantic still. Hopeful I guess while I am the pessimistic.

Some color does go a long ways.

~Looking Back~
As Iook back, it seems all the more ridiculous and I am reminded how stupid it was all. How stupid. What I put myself through and how in the same way I am doing the same. I want to do more at times. Like today, had a slight inkling of wanting to do this and that. But for now, I am just hoping to get some rest and get an early start on things. Gotta clear out somethings and take out the trash. The more I read, the more I cringe. It's the same with the past and present. Are you better off not knowing? No one really knows. Well on thing is for sure, someone is not writing.

Deception

~Lies~
Makes you wonder what is going on. Seems something so minor and yet from
what I read, it doesn't seem right. This one is not a big deal, but it makes you wonder, what else is there? I don't even want to bother with it. Just knowing is enough. I feel as though is holding something back. Perhaps keeping expectations low of sort. Expecting the worse. But is that not being honest? Not like I am some sort of shinning example. You got your own things to deal with.

~Changing Times~
I guess I haven't really written about this, but it has been something that has crossed my mind. But it could be better off as thoughts and not something to be jotted down. If I did, it sure be a long one. But for now, a small part of a whole. Things change as time passes. Who knew I would even reconsider getting into education after so much time as passed and I have taken so many turns all to look back at the original.

Relations also change. For better or for worse, doesn't have to be. Just different. The situation is always changing. Things can not always be the same. Sure do miss those days. But things are different now. It makes be sad a bit, how I miss it. But it's not all for the wores, but things seem more difficult now days. Seeing the kids and how they don't worry so much about their own issues when you actually think about it, it's actually fairly grim.

Halfway Gone

~Plaid~
Who knew a pair of shoes could drive me insane? Shoes Shoes Shoes. I have always wondered what the addiction was all about. And now I know.. Hopefully the obsesion be over soon. So much to do and not enough time. I need to keep working. There is never really enough time. u can't always wait for enough time to present itself for it will never happen. You just need to seize the moment and take it as it comes.

Disapearing Act

~Sunny~
Today was sunny with a side of traffic. But it was like I knew it would be a pointless trip. It wasn't all bad. But it's never quite the way I want it. Is it ever is? It's like I am anxious. I want to get things done, but I can't do a thing about it. Now this is really getting ridiculousness.

I try to list things out again. I need to clean up my act. I shall try to get some rest first. I need to take care of one self first above all. As without me, there is nothing else. Goodnight self.

Really sure likes to disappear..

Motive

~Business~
I just had an instant of a moment where I had a though that made some sence. It could have been due to watching that movie to see things like a business deal. To have conditions. To what you call enjoy each others company till you are no longer useful. Who knows when it will end. But do live in the moment.

Anal

~Cold~
It has been cold of late. I want to ask, but at the same time I feel as though I no longer care. It's an ever so slightly scary feeling of uncaring.

Cold and Uncaring

~Indifferent~
I guess the old me would quickly delete it and see what was written, but it gets to the point where I am starting not to care. Since when did any of it matter really anymore? Would the answer change how I would react or do? I want to be as I am and not let anyone affect the things I do. I do what I do because it's what I do, not because of you or anyone. I want to have my own feelings and actions. As they are mine and not because of another's influence.

...shower break...

~Fear~
I face unreasonable fear right now. I know it will be over in a second and before I know it.

Dislikes

The things I dislike and yet can not change. Think that's the issue and I need to find a way to live with it. I am not sure how I can cope with it. I don't feel like doing much and at the same time I don't know if there is much of anything I can do. Space can be nice and it can also grow. I don't know what to do, I am just unhappy right now. Have a lot of things on my mind.

Oi

~Dress~
And I am not talking about the flowie one, I'm talking about the stuff in general you wear. Somehow talking, usually end up a topic pops up that reminds me of something that has been a hinderance. But it's about opportunity isn't it? Hasn't it always been? You really can't force something especially if the timing isn't right. oi.

~Mail~
I could feel myself get upset over some silly bread. But I do like it crunchy. Not runied. I actually don't like it all that soft anyways. But besides that. I could feel myself being temped in the begining, but I have more than enough to deal with now. I didn't even want to know. Scary eh? Enough to deal with, so lets just keep it as simple as possible. Or at least try to.

Daily Planetary Overview A New Moon in Libra today, and until next month, will help you develop interpersonal skills. You'll find that dealing with people will become easier and you will be diplomatic and cooperative under this influence. You'll increase your emotional intelligence and communicate better with others.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 17, 2009

''Go with the flow'' is your anthem for today, Melly. You will find the freedom you seek by simply following the path of least resistance. There is no reason for you to not be happy. Life doesn't need to be difficult or complicated. The thing to remember is that you should be 100% yourself. People will act the way they need to react in relation to you. Don't worry about their feelings - they are not your responsibility.

Woot and the scrolly thing is gone. I sure it comes true for me how I will develope interpersonal skills, hopefully it's a sign it will be getting better soon the ability to communicate with others better. Else today I am trying to take the path of least resistance and try not to trouble myself with others issues. Although I was slightly agitated with indecisiveness and how things were not really going the way I thought I wanted it to go. So just let it go.

Drizzle

It has been more gloomy than not these days. It could be the weather, and just how the interactions of late remind me of something of the past and reverting into past behaviors. And gone already. It's how things seem to be. I don't even know what seems to be going on anymore. I think or I thought I knew what was going on. And then it's not what I thought or expect. Either I didn't understand or misinterpretation. Or maybe it's just that different now. I seem to want to care less. I don't even want to be bothered. Things I can not get answers to. But then again we don't need answers to everything nor to control it. Not just to simply to love, but to have loving kindness. To be kind with love. Not always to be a self, but to have a greater perspective on all aspects of life for as long as you are here. Don't let it bother you. You don't always need to know.

I am tired in many ways, I do not want to guess anymore. I want to be able to let it all go and not let it bother me. But I can't seem to do that now.

Daily Planetary Overview

The Sun will be trine Neptune today in Air Signs, bringing a strong imagination and appreciation of the arts. This will be a good time to take in a concert, discuss ideas, and think about future goals and possibilities.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 16, 2009

You will find that there is a greater burst of energy coming your way today than there has been in the past couple days, Melly. It's as if you are making a new start and now is your chance to come out and begin with a fresh new attitude. Realize, however, that a sensitive nature is going to be the thing that helps you get through this day victorious. Keep your mind focused inward while you pursue outer-directed activities.

It saids that I will get over it. I sure I hope it is right. Out of the most random time I ran into a past passion that I do so dearly miss. I am sad that it was only last year that it was discontinued. Among other things I am worried. Worried over things I know I can not control. I still feel the need to control and to know what is going on which is all part of the control. I think if I find something to keep myself barried in, it will not seems so bad. It will not seem to be so long. Not much of an appitite today. Could be a number of factors.

After some time, it doesn't seem as bad. It kind of forces you to let go. I am worried on what I should do, what I can do if nothing more. Can't be helped sometimes. I sure do like to cause my own suffereing. I already know what it is like to cause my own suffereing. So why do it to others? You already know how painful it can be. Why make others pay and have them go through the same thing. Be pacient. Be loving.

~Rut~
So lets try to get out of this rut. I must continue the search. I know I miss. It could be because it has been 2 days since we talked. And I am starting to miss it. I really do. I really do hope things will get better soon. Very soon...

Is it really possible to be gone for that long? But what else do I need to get done. Last I checked I had a whole laundry list of things to do.

Clear and Cloudy

~Pants~
Guess I never finished this one. The things left undone and unsaid.

Plans

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 14, 2009

It may be hard for you to make a decision today about anything, Melly. Things may seem a bit wishy-washy and unclear, but don't worry about it. There is plenty of air to fuel your fire today. Be aware that people may be popping up from the past and that unexpected events may be disrupting the flow of things throughout the day. Well-laid plans are apt to be broken. Don't' sweat it. Just go with the flow.

Funny how true this one is. But there are a few things I feel I should maybe comment on. About how plans laid out and how none works out. Right now I know just talking it makes me realize how much of a failure I am.

First Snow

Daily Planetary Overview

Mars sextile Saturn will make this a very productive day when you can to complete many items on your to-do list. To save time, plan ahead and use your time wisely. This aspect will bring good management and judgment.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 12, 2009

You may have to make some serious adjustments to your approach today, Melly, in order to chime in with the energy of the group. Adopt a more inward-directed attitude and see what you can learn by tuning into the subtle messages from others. Both the masculine and feminine sides of your nature are working harmoniously, and you might find that they are both requesting a quiet night in.

Snow Flurries

~Listen and Reflect~
No one saids you have to solve the problem or anything at all. Sometimes you just want someone to understand you and just listen to. I can try to understand, but I think the part that hurt the most is that one would think that way that I would have douts.

Cold

Things goes from bad to worse and potentially devastating. Really can't risk it. Really can't, nor I will. But I think it will be okay. Yesterday, didn't do much when it comes to job fair. I shall think about this. Still have not been able to reach the truth.

Daily Planetary Overview

With Venus opposite Uranus, you'll have high expectations and may set impossible ideals for yourself and for others today. Be realistic and understand what is possible. Think big, but don't be critical when someone can't live up to your high standards.

Your Horoscope - Today, Oct. 9, 2009

Pieces of today's puzzle may not be fitting into place for you, Melly, and its possible that you simply have no idea why. This is fine. Do not stress over something because you don't quite understand it. The key to making things work out is listening. Adjustments will definitely need to be made on both sides, but this can only happen if both parties are willing to open up their ears and understand each other's perspective.

October 9, 2009

Tarot reading for Melly:

Love: The Lovers

Touchstone: The Tower

Career: The Star

In your love life, try to leave the hatchet buried today, dear Melly! Bear in mind that the combined influence of the Tower and the Lovers are bound to put you in a tense emotional frame of mind, with an explosive mix of doubts and aggression… You may have self-doubts, but keep in mind that this is no reason to also doubt your significant other. Try to avoid the conflicts that can so easily arise from all these misunderstandings. In these rather difficult circumstances, the possibility of a separation or a breakup – even if it does not last for long – cannot be totally excluded... Everything’s at cross purposes today at work, as the energies conspire to disrupt your self-assurance. The joint influence of the Star and the Tower denote ill-contained aggression. If you don’t manage to control your emotional state, others will see you as volatile and unpredictable and as someone who cannot be trusted to solve problems in a reasonable manner. Take that as a warning ...

This one seems all too familar. It's like a deja vu again. Like going

Sunny Still

Boy, I sure haven't been very blogging productive today.

Sweet, just found out I can change the brightness of the screen. I know it seems stupid. But as I am like a cat and easily amused.

So I will try to let more go and pursue other things for now with the dear rain cloud close by. It may rain on me on some days, but it also keep the sun from burning me. Hopefully less rain, but can't make any promises.

Oh got a funny email from pigeon today, but I think most of it I have already seen. But it's still funny. Okay, one disadvantage of sitting here is that the tushie is starting to hurt. I so need more padding.

Sunny

Hong Kong style. Went in for a teller back just got awhile ago. It was a groupy thing. Meet some nice intersting people from all walks of life. But it's already done. So lets look forward to more things to come.

I had a moment in the car afterwards. I scribbled down some things and a song poped on the radio. Who knew it was Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone. I am starting to get tired of this. It's always there like a rain cloud. When it feels like it, it will rain on you and for a moment it may move to get some light in and then take it away from you. Do you move out from under it or learn to live with it? Maybe the cloud is there by nature. And the need to control things make it difficult for us to coexist.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I didn't want us to burn out

You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm Already Gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

To be at peace. Is it too much to ask for? Sitting here seems to work well. Or at least I feel productive. I am tempted to get one to get one them keyboard covers. But I think I should hold off on any unessary spending until I find something steady or marry into ca ching. It seems like I do need and have my moments. Phases perhaps. Hopefully they don't laast long. At the end, the result will be the same, just how we get there. So why not enjoy the ride? Why make it hard on yourself and try to control such a rain cloud.. Where God knows why a rain cloud rains on your day and at the same time can shield you from the sun.

To have loving kindness and compasion. To have pacient understanding. Please try to understand, even though the answer may not come to you right away and it may never. Who said you have to know everything or even understand it? Just try to understand.

On the side note, I do feel better having gotten up so early and getting an early start. Part of it might be I got to mall it out slightly today and the sun was out. But boy was it hard to get up. Geeze! It was cold and tired.

Light Rain

Daily Planetary Overview

You'll get along well with a romantic partner today, due to the fact that the Moon trine Venus in Virgo. The emphasis will be on practical details and responsibilities, and you may find that there's not enough time to relax because of too many commitments.

Your Horoscope - Today, October 6, 2009

You can do no wrong today, melly. In fact, your slippery nature can navigate though cracks today without anyone noticing. You may find, however, that you would rather be seen up on center stage. This is fine as well, just as long as the choice is yours. Independence is a key theme for you today, and you will find that the more you can break free, the better off your general mood will be.

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=8470111&type=product&id=1184768166710&ref=06&loc=01&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=8470111

I hope to get along today, since last evening did not go well at all. I really hope it wasn't me. But it maybe nothing at all, not it was that long ago, but you never know what can happen in a very short amount of time. Really hope it's nothing else really be in the dark. Then can I really trust? I really hope all will be alright.

Thank God everything or more like most things are okay. I am greatful and will not try to abuse my gift.

Freezing Rain

Could eh? I find myself of late ever so slightly bipolar. One minute I get all excited and the next bumped out. What's the cause? Partly maybe the cold. Another part myself. Too much expectations. Really can't expect anything. And it goes both ways. Can't expect it to go right or worng. Just never really the way you expect it. Somehow things work itself out. As the river will flow in the direction is should no matter how much we want it to go the other way.