Unbeautiful

Funny how one person and affect the way you feel about yourself. I never felt pretty around. Not only not feeling pretty, but feeling even worse most of the time. And I wonder why I still stay? In a way it just might actually be what it is, friends with benifits. I really am starting to think it's better to just be friends. In general over all is good to me. But doesn't live up to the standards of what I am looking for in anything long term. We want different things. We look forward to different things. Desire different things. I don't need to be made felt beautiful, but not to be put down...

Who you are fucking kidding. The only way is to only think as a friend...

I am so scared... I haven't had these thoughts or feelings in a long time of the end. Of how it will end or how it will feel. Really haven't thought about it untill I thought about kids... The thought of my thoughts ending, this enitity ending really scares me. The not knowing. But if I think of all the time that has passed before me, there was nothing, no pain, or anything. All there is left is the fear and emptyness. The more I worry of things I can not control, the more pain I cause myself.

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I didn't like how people were thinking who was. But I can't controll what others think. They can think what they want. Really can't be bothered. Can't just sit here and worry about the phone bill. You go to where you need to do, go do what you need to do without consideration. I think what really helped was knowing there are others in worse off situation. Don't make nothing into something. But maybe I really do need to talk to. What would you suggest? Is it really better to talk...

Please take care, goodnight self.