Irritation

I think most of the moodlyness is from the ittitation. I think I should try to resolve this now before it gets any worse. Or at lest this can't continue because it is really becoming bothersome.

stingieness, So gorgious

Suspecion surrounds the air. I guess I make up these stories in my head to make myself beleive things that are not really there or to not have to face the cold hard truth. I wonder and ask the Lord why I have to go through this. Why I have to mett such a fool. Why I go through the pain I do. Or do I put myself through such things? The attachment and need for control I know is starting to take over. The need to know what I can not know, what I don't need to know. Because whatever the answer is, it wouldn't matter. It's only to satisfy your own instability and self dout. Whatever answer even if the one you want to hear, you will dout and the worng answer will only prove you right, what you have suspected all along.

Never want to see you cry cry and I never want to tell a lie lie lie

His voice is really so gorgious. If I didn't know better, would have thought it be the a lady. It seems like my notes has more choices in fonts and more reflect myself. I really can not beleive so easily. Always keep yourself guarded. Only appear to beleive, but know in your heart, you know the truth. I can try to love with care and compasion. But I treat everyone like that. To be the player and never be palyed. To never be the victim

Cichlid

Like the clouds you
Drift me away, far away
And like the sun you
Brighten my day, you brighten my day
I never wanna see you cry cry cry
And I never wanna tell a lie lie lie
Said I never wanna see you cry cry cry
And I never wanna tell a lie lie lie

Are things really as they appear? I just need to keep on working, keep on doing. Realize what I am doing, what is happeneing, what is going on to me and my surroundings. Never get too attched in an lasting effort to constantly improve. Do not worry much, the more you get done, the easier things will become. Do not advoid the inevatable. Do not run, do not hide. Show no fear, have no fear. There is nothing to fear except fear itself. The addiction, the attachment, so long have I battled it and thought it was a war long won and over. And yet it returns. A long lost enemy I faced and forgotten.

"When I see you, I run out of words to say"

Take things as they are simply, unchanged and as they are.

How Boring

So tired and yet so much to do. Not sure if I should take some rest and then get some stuff done or what. And my folder is stil missing... Oh where could it be? I know I didn't have it on the day of the test because I wrote it on a note pad. So the last time saw it was home. How I seem to be losing everything. Lossing grip. Have I been trying to hold on things too tightly? I still wonder if I should confront. But I think as long as I don't get too attched, no attachment. Then it really doens't matter.

Just a Few Cactus

It's actually kind of chillie in here. Maybe some hot choco would do or even some warm tea. But that's not what's bothering me now. I don't feel like doing anything because I fear I will not be able to do it well enough. Oh well, can't hurt to try at this point. And dang it that everything got wet. Things are just not going well this week at all. First there was a flood in my backpack, then a missing folder and notebook for corp, then accting went down the crapper. It really has been a crappy week. And now online radio not even working and I'm feeling a bit chillie as well. So lets see what I have to do first.

• Lets first pound out Instit essay
• Then pound out essays for both jobs
• Next the live in essay
• Following the ... goodness so many essays...

Well lets work on that first and can always make another list. I am not sure what is behind me but it sure smells like a pig gross. Yuck! I know what I found still bothers me, but in due time... But it freaks me out to find that kind of stuff especially when everyone suspected it in the first place. It's still freaky and still gives me chills. I'll work on crunchy messages when I'm done with the stuff that needs to be done first. I am sad and scared, but where is it coming from? Good question.

Oh thank god the smellie pig left. So icky. Demand nothing, ask no questions, complete free and letting go. Unmonkish hour. Oh mygoodness I am really getting tired. I don't know, I am just drawing a blank right now. I just have a few more sentances and I'm drawing a blank. So tired. The video is really high quality. Selfless love.

Love and Kindness

Imagin how difficult it is for someone to live with it. The door to your heart to remain open. The kindness and acceptance. I read something ex wrote and I don't want to be that bitch. It must be difficult even without me making things more difficult. Can and have acceptance? It sure be easier if it's coming from both sides and be more willing to open up. Praise gets you everywhere. Still a geed friend and person no matter what. Express your love and acceptance of them enough.

I love you daddy, you are such a good daddy. Can I have some more pokemon? ^^

I am feeling a mix of emotions, I don't know if i am worse off today than I was yesterday. I don't know if I want to scream or cry. I think if I just got an honest answer, it be enough. Maybe the answer will come to me in due time. I do really want to get this over with, but I need to handle this with care. With love and compasion.

Your Love is a Lie?

I can feel the pain he's in. Today I learned something that I guess I could have expected. And yet I still don't know how I should react. I know I am stupid, but not that stupid. I don't know how to approach this. But I don't want to stress anyone out. Nor do I want to deal with this right now. I need some time to think.. Whatever the answer, it doesn't change who is. I just may not be attracted in that way anymore. But still the same person I adore. I admire so many qualities in. Has done so much for me and helped me out. Has been very good to me. Really, truely has been. I really do care. I want nothing more than happiness and well being for all I care about. Especially... I guess I feel decived or maybe lied to. But these are all feelings before anything is talked about. I know I am preparing for the worse. Although it should have been something I knew. Something I felt. I knew it was possible. Oh how it tugs on my heart strings.