Calls

How I dread, but need to just get it over with. Maybe I should have just picked up in the first place and now I wouldn't be dealing with this. You figure that the first one wouldn't be anything anyways. And the company seems a little on the shady side. Not really what I envisioned. Things are never really what they seem to be anyways. The pay seems craptacular. Doesn't mean I would be stuck with it. Even with so much cloths on, I still seem cold. I am not sure what I can find or what I am even qualified for. How is it not matter how much cloths I put on, I still feel so cold.. How quickly time passes. 6 months already. Part of me doesn't even want to start working again. Enjoying my dung a little too much I guess. Everyone else is always doing more and better. Earlier, sooner, making more, more fun, just putting in more than I expected. Just because I don't see it doesn't mean there is none. They are all sneaky bastards. They want you to let your guard down. They want you to do nothing. You got to play your odds. Not focus on one thing. It doesn 't matter much anyways as the next bus arrives. Weather the door opens or not for you, weather you have enough for the ride, or weather you choose to get on or not or to get off, no one knows.

Lets not risk it. How little oppertunity I get access. I must not abuse it. Be grateful for the glimps. Not good, not good, a little too late I suppose.

I try to save some money, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Well at least I know it's the operations manager. But I got to say the recept was kind of rude.

At least Kyle responded.

I Wish

An intense, emotional dream could move you so powerfully that you wake with the odd sense that the dream was real. Write it down, Sagittarius. Maybe it is. Efforts to overcome obstacles and advance yourself in your career could finally be paying off. You might be walking around in a daze asking if it's really happened. It has. Make the most of it. And don't be afraid to reveal your feelings to others.

I really hope this is true. It may still take some time. I worry for em more than ever. Especially after the brief email just an hour ago. Is it really that bad?

Ranting

I don't know why I am so sweaty. It maybe because of red. Thank the Lord or whoever is watching over me for it. It came around noon. I don't know how to get rid of the chills and sweatyness. Was thinking of going out, but I guess it can wait for tomorrow. I don't want to talk about em anymore. I should start preparing for the end. It's something I was better prepared for before and now when things seemed to be better. I can still plan to make something on Sunday or whenever. Not like it can't sit. I need to dig out the recipe and I have decided to clear some plush out. I have no use for them. They do give me some comforts and so I will keep some, else there seems to be someone else that can find more value in them. They are not worth anything,

B!tch

Some just like to act like a bitch for no reason. I been complementing what to do about it. It's times like these, that the rock does nothing. It doesn't give me a sense of security or anything. Nothing has changed. More reason that I don't need material things. I thought for a moment it may make me feel better, not it's not the case. It's not what I want. In the end, it means nothing to me. And not only one is being a bitch all week, there has been another one as well. Total bitches.

The fishies seem ill again. You got Larry itching himself again. Not a good sign. We shall see. I have been feeling cold and yet sweaty today. Not sure is going on. It's like a cold sweat. Try to keep doing things. Just something. Things will come along ur way.

And they are jerks, real jerks.

Bad Day, Bad Day

Already knew things were not going to go as planned. Already hopes of getting a cookie, no longer hopeful. Hopes of going somewhere no longer going. I still want to clean some thing up. This morning comp was acting up and Bad news from Jack. Not like I needed either of them. Got lots of ideas and plans. Most will not go through. Well it's starting to get late in the day now. It's almost 2pm now. We'll see what we can get done for now. At the beginning I was more distressed, but now another idea has come to surface and seems it maybe a beter one, but it's a longer shot. Yet, it could work out. The prices for flowers are more reasonably priced than most other places I have seen. I also kicked the laptop off the bed this morning and it hit the ground hard.... it even started to make some whirlling noises and it really scared me. But it's a little tougher than I thought and for now it seems to be functioning.

Sweaty

Not sure what's going on. Got a rather disturbing message from someone. Need to make more obvious of jokes. Think part of the reaction was that I didn't appreciate the comments. Or was it more part guilt on my part? Maybe a little bit of both. But I figure it would end up like this anyways. I felt pissed. But when I saw the message, for some reason I was pissed and then I had a flash of emotions that was combative. It was something that was a little all too familiar. I can't recall what occasion or with whom it took place with. I want to say it can't be too many. It could be fatter for all I know, oh no wait. German I think it was. Making accusations. I think it was him. So it makes sense now why it feels so disgusting. Starting to feel he's disgusting as well. Some people just can't take a clue.

~Shipped~

At least I got rid of the labtop. What happens to it is out of my hands now. For $31 it better get there. But I really don't care, not like anything I can do at this point. I even picked up cards along the way. Now just got to squeese some money out of simon for some flowers. Else I am not hurting too much because of it.

Stuckies

I maybe running out of things to do. Maybe running out of reasons. Maybe left with what we need to do. So it may not be such a bad thing. Yet I feel still so cluttered.