Sadist

Hell of the stingy people. More shiet to put under your mango tree. but where is my mango tree? Just keep working, keep doing. More doing and less thinking my dear. You can do and think at the same time. Fear and Control -> Worry. I just want to feel like I am getting something done. Just keep moving.. No controll = no fear? Acting out of fear? I may think about that too often.



Put up more books to sell. At least I feel like I have done something. But I am still wondering where my little soft purse went. Oh where did it go?

• For some reason yesterday night. Mentions of fat really got to me. I have noticed some weight, but I think it's more because of my eating habbits more than anything and lack of indifferent.

• It was nice talking, and yet painful. As many thoughts go through my head. Reminds of something from the past. Told you not to put yourself through this. Not to put yourself anything that causes you pain. No waiting. No one is worth it. You got something to do then do it. But not for that reason. You keep moving. Always moving.

Letting Go of Fear

Later never seems to come does it? Fear stops us from many things. I been feeling fear since the past 2 days. Finally feel better over the pooch after going #2. Else, sure sleeps quite often. To set yourself free.

Confusion

So has flown away. I figure I would miss more but it's not so bad at all. I figure no sence in worrying, or missing something you can't do a thing about except cause yourself more pain. Try not to make things hard on yourself. It's amazing how timly things can be. I worry about pooch here since all the hural and for most of the day been sleeping. Will take her out for a nice long walk later. I seem a little frustraited on the problems. And it doesn't help to have a smelly pooch around. It's the main reason I forget about why not even I can have one. But this is a good reminder.

Boobage

And so they are not real! It makes me feel a wee bit better.

I think I had too much crackers that's why I am feeling the way I do. So bloated and yet a bit chillie. In a way I feel bad, and something I don't want to admit to. I feel bad for not doing something. Are you serious? All I can think of is a bowl of noodles and cup of noodles. So much noodles. But I really don't think I can eat now. For some reason I am feeling some uneasyness, some unreasonable fear.

Always ask why before you give anything out. There is no hurry. No need to rush. But in a way I guess it was part of the fear I was expecting. We shall see how this insecurity plays out. But till then, take care of on self.

Flashback

Suddenly it hit me just now. There was no reason to ask really. There's no way for to know. Only the one time I was was on, but only that time. Sneaky eh? But I dun think there's anything too incriminating. Or maybe it was all preplanned. It was all a setup. But it's not like I really got anything to hide. I just rather not let it be known. If it's not necessary than I will let it be. In a way it could be used as an upper hand or an insider look into things. It's just too what to call it.. sensative information I guess is the best way to describe it. It's something dangerious in the worng hands. Potentially be very dangerious and so it should be kept safe as possible. Rather not think so much. Either way it's not something major. But seeing the profile will makes me wonder how long it has been there. It really wasn't that long ago was it? But for some reason today stranger thoughts have crossed my mind. How things could have ben setup. How most things are not the way I think they are or appear to be. Not as simple, not so innocent. Are people really that devious?

For some reason I feel disapointed. And that only happens when you have expectations. It's like saying by not loving, one can never get hurt. It's a really touch and go subject. In a way thinking was there really ever a time to check? I guess now is time. But I thought it was wierd. But I couldn't think of the reason for it. And now it's starting to make sence. If it was true, how decetive. But there has been at least been a day so that's enough time. But at least no more now. I did fix it once it was realized. That's all I can do.

It doesn't matter what I think, it's what reality is. Reality can't be changed. No matter what I think or how much I think about it. It won't change a thing and will only tire me out. But I think because of that, it has clintched my decesion to sell.

Anciousness

Worried and ancious about many things today. There seems to be a sence of unrest and uneasyness going around in the air. Let the other day, just yesterday actually. Taking it better than expected, but it could be like one saids, it's because of the calling and staying in touch that makes it easier to get by. But as time goes by, there will be less contact. But I have to deal with myself first before anything.

• I worry about the the doggie
• I worry if I will bleed. This will more or less become a monthly worry at this rate. Always a guessing game wether I will bleed or not.
• I worry about how will react to certain things
• I worry if I will be ready on monday

It really is funny how I dread monthly and now I want it to hurt and to be even heavy. I hope I am no exception to the rule. I hope for the pain, I shall pary for it. It's one of the things you dread as a female and need as a female to tell you when something is worng or all is alright.

Interesting Fear

A more classic image for a more classic fear. But we shall see how long my luck hold up. Was a little grumpy today. And I am not talking about me. But things shall be interesting soon enough. Only time can tell. Yesterday was a lot of fun and learning, but I didn't get anything that I needed to get done done. So I do feel bad about and and yet tired as usual. This was part of the fun and learning. http://youtubehk.blogspot.com/2009/03/blog-post_16.html

I want to understand things better. Am still towarn about it. Better let the sleeping beast lie. Got a message from fumofo and that was one scary idea that Plan B could do so much damage and fail. I know I have been told it's very effective, but at this rate. I am really testing the odds. But then again there are people that have been on it for years on end.