Work

If not this, then it be something else. There is not a single solution. After you solve on thing, there be another issue. Just the the moment we have a bigger fish to fry. Bigger more smelly one that's taking over at the moment. If that ever goes away, you will notice all the other issues. Things don't seems to get better. Sum tom. I am just really starting to lose more and more feelings. Can I ignore them or let them go? I don't know if I can right now.

My black goldfish is not well. He just sits at the bottom. I do not know what is wrong, I worry it maybe something I did. Yet everyone else is fine. Even the short fat white one which I am surprised. I hope he gets better soon. I also hope I get paid soon. The one good news at least I know I am at least for now a temp to hire. Not sure where this could lead.

In Conclusion: Stupid Liar

And cocks don't lay eggs... But then again it maybe a joke. The whole thing maybe a joke. I am just assuming they are being serious. Maybe not as smart as you think? Or you are not getting the joke. Figure you just got to mind your own business.

They are crazy and they are pushy. Buts they are. Maybe he would make a good recruiter as they are annoying enough. I don't want to be pushed into anything or to be tricked into anything, or should I use the lack of a better term deceived. I should just talk to him and at the same time I don't want to get up. Head was pulsing again.

All this time, I feel I have been deceived. Like I been lied to this whole time. Is it just being polite or just being nice? Or just to mask all the lies. I must have been confused. Deranged. Trying to paint a nice picture. I spend all this time and energy wondering. And in all for nothing.

Lies

They are all lies. They tell you what you want to hear and just lie. When things like that happen, how do you trust? All these things are based on this one thing and when it's no longer there, how do you hold up? You can always choose to accept it. People in this world will take advantage of it. Use you if they can and got something to gain and dump you once you serve no purpose. Useless.

Trust

Maybe too many soaps make me sad, but it did remind me of something that happened to me one time. Something I don't want to remember yet not want to forget.

It's something I have always had issues with. More than now than ever. To trust in the moment? Can that be? The opposite of controlling. Giving into the moment, giving it the opportunity to prove itself. So much fear and lack of trust. We don't trust ourselves. Trust cant be earned, but given. One way to allow people to make mistakes. But still worth giving. Alternative is fear and control. Your trust is expecting what the world can never give. To trust even if they let you down and to trust again. They get better at deserving that trust.

The more I look at positions, the less interested I am becoming. I am losing expectations except to look for more jobs and to go on more interviews. At least the one good news is that the chicken fruit salad sub is returning. But what I really long for was the artichoke spread sub. That one was really good. Unfortunatly it came out during the time I was getting sick of subs and only had it once.

Pissie

Not good, maybe it could be all dwellings in my hard, but it isn't helping. Is it better I be left alone? I know I am lacking in trust? I find times that are hard to get over and other times easier to let it all go. But what about protecting yourself? Where does it fit into everything? What bothers me even more was that they were still posting for the position. All may not be as it seems. Maybe I come to realize that there is no us in this.

Unsetteling

It has rather been unsetteling. Like a great rift or divide. I don't want to be bothered with anyone's issues at the moment and just have some time for myself to mull over my own stuff. It gets a little depressing at times. The waiting doesn't help. I try not to seek for more. Use what is given. Like the two previous prospects, how easily oponions can be swayed. At first excitment, then after a word or two, I seem to reject it, and the next thing I yern for it suddenly. Nothing makes sence.

You're So Fluffy it's Killing Me

These pimples are killing me. They are everywhere. So sudden. So bitter suddenly. All that is lacking. It's not like anyone is holding back? Is it? No one wants it to be this way. I feel slightly lacking in purpose when in the end it seems all for to be nothing. I am also bothered that fishes are not well. No sign so far or improvement. I don't seem to spell very well nor do I seem to have much attention to details. It's sad really. What they all need I do not have.

Not good signs so far. All seems to hit a dead end. Makes me feel like not doing anything at this moment. Like nothing is worth doing. So many I'll sit tight for now and take care of myself for a bit. It gets slow towards the end of the week. It's funny how they disappear, like nothing ever happened. I feel as though I am lacking. Maybe starting to feel slightly depressed. I need a baked good to get myself out of this slump. Bake my way of this maybe.

I don't want to spend so much time one this and to get burned. I don't want to think so much on this. Similar to an issue that someone else has at the moment. The difference is that I don't get upset when I don't hear back.