Jumping the Gun

Getting ahead of myself a little. Still feeling very disorganized.  Getting a little too excited too soon. How I am so easily swayed by food.  Maybe I should eat more food so I am not as tempted.  I feel disorganized.  I feel the only way to make it better is to get rid of stuff.  But I have a hard time of letting things go.  I don't need many, but feel eventually it will wear out and will need another.  I really need to get the Target stull posted as I am running on of time to return them if it does not sell.  I really don't want to keep $75 worth of stuff I may not use.  I need to sell more stuff so I can get a better rep on ebay, think that may help me sell.  Purple is still the cool trend, makes me want to freak.  I hope I get what I am hoping for on Thur or Fri that it usually happens.  I really do hope so.  Almost lost track of things.  The idea of cancer scares me, the pain of it more than anything.  But I think I'm doing plenty of cancer causing agents, should I really be adding more to it?  

Chewed

 I run into some images today that I have been using recently. Ideas run through my mind, but not a single one settles. Always seem too tired to make it into anything.  The thought or idea seems like a good one, but when it comes down to getting it done, it seems okay to push it off or to be too tired to do it. It gets difficult to read the screen as the dark scratches covers up words.  More of an inconvenience than anything else. Haven't farmed or anything in so long.

• post card
• eye exam
• health survey 
• ship books 
• clip nails 

Try not to make the list so long, want something manageable.  Focus...

Grit

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Utter Chaos

I am just in utter pain today especially.  Nothing seems to be sicking in.  Maybe I am getting old.  Maybe I just can't do this anymore.  Everything this week seems broken.  Not sure if it's a diet thing or sleep. Did spend a lot of thim worrying. Can be emotional drain.  I need to reset.  Start over for a moment and start with an open mind again. Like a fresh sponge.  Or sponge cake. Oh it looks so good makes me want t try it again. Not the chinese one though. Just heart breaking. Mosty euro inspired anyways. I should care more to do more. But just right now, hopefully tomorrow will have more energy and be more helpful.

Brioche

Fishy is still not doing well.  I can not say for sure if he got worse or not, but still hiding in corners and sitting on the ground.  Starting to look more fleshy.  Not sure what to make of it, can only keep trying.  Changed some water and added some more meds and salt.  I just want to use it up instead of using 3 year old meds.  Still swelling and spotting. Really bummed about this.  Can't help but feel could have done better. Only time will tell, maybe sooner than you think.  The meds are strong, even I am burning. 

Starting to miss the bread and can't get the annoying song from yesterday out of my head today. Really need to get more stuff done and not spend so much time on looking for things if you can't get a lead in the first ten mins like the faucet and state car auction.  Could have had the book ready to go today but didn't. Really need to get on top of things and not let so many things slip. How will I do this?  Lately been distracted by fishy and the idea of getting another crab or a cat and car.   It has all gotten me off course of being productive and and have been feeling deterred.  Can't dwell on one thing for so much anymore. Why suffer when someone else can give you the answer. Why work so hard? Just ask someone when you can. Don't try to do it all on your own. Learn to use you resources.

Rolling Hills of Nice

Ranchu is not doing well.  I went to get salt for him tonight.  Not sure if it will help.  I can only pray he will recover.  Just one slip up and this can happen.  Out of all of them that it could happen, it's the wee one.  Not that I would want it to happen to anyone else either.  I can recall this happening before, but not if it got better or not.  But I got a feeling it didn't end well either... I can only pray and hope the Lord will give him and me a chance.  Till then.


It's a really good song.  Hopefully tomorrow be a better day.

Work

Been feeling lost at work at the new position. Knew it was going to end up like this. I need to ask.  I need answers.  Even if it bothers others.  I want to organize my notes more, but don't want to spend time at home doing it.  Think can be done within an hour or so.  Just need to gather the thoughts.  Got a feeling should do it now, but head hurts.  Can I get myself up earlier?  Got to make do with what you got. I will make it work.  Will have tough days.  Got to keep working through it.  I still don't know what I am doing.  Do not waste time thinking of nothing. Just ask someone no matter what they think. Not sure if I will ever understand this.  Just make the notes you need.  Sleep on it for now.  Start a new section.  Not worry about waste.  Just make it work the best way you know how to.