BS

I feed them NLS pellets, cichlid sticks, omega one cichlid flakes, beefheart, and spirulina brine shrimp.

Oh so adorable, but too late though. Got to keep an eye on the one. Who needs a dog when you got little orange fishies. But he does seem to feed them better than I do. Some more protein may help. But the who ides of beefhearts? I sapose they are meat eaters.   

You know how kids learn to lie? To advoid punishment. They learn very quickly when they do something bad that something bad is going to follow. Yet we tell them to tell me everything and to tell the truth and yet we are punished when we tell the truth. It's really tell me everything so I know everything about you so I can be informed of your everything. So when we are punished for telling the truth, does it make the truth worth anything? The truth may not be a free pass. But if truth = punishment? How often do we tell the truth? It doesn't seem to have much value anymore now days. It's more should of would of could of. They say punishment is to prevent you from doing it again. Is this control with fear? Fear of punishment. Maybe it's a pattern of fear and resentment of being poor. But I really feel since I have been waekened. So easily hurt, so weak, so easily affected. Just so much dout. Yesterday just looking at the wall of text just made me remember the hurt. Why care. You think care? I think does, but not realizing venting frustration is doing more harm than good. Like killing cancer you kill the good along with the bad. Shouldn't really see it all from just one side. It's not just about me. But it affects me. Any plasn for tonight has been dashed. I get so detured when things like this happens. I don't know what to do besides to become more cold. Don't work very hard, don't play very hard. Nothing seems to motivate me to become more or to desire more. Always worry about wasting other peoples things and seemily to feel it's okay to inconvience myself. But no one seems to be okay with the things I do, no matter how well intension. I sapose if you want someone else to clean up, you have to cleam up yourself first. Maybe everything is a lie. Who can bs better. Who is more cold hearted, who is more thick skinned.

Not sure if I should stick with the same old thing or change it to something else. Or maybe just add on to it. Like an addition. Don't have to choose one or the other. Each has its place and purpose. Can always count on scope to hit it on the head, but it doesn't say how to fix it. Who to talk to, who can I talk to. There doesn't seem to be anyone.

Today, you are too reserved and distant to make any emotional inroads with new people that might enter your life. You are finding it difficult to open up and actually prefer to stay within your own little universe, sheltered from the rest of the world. It’ll be difficult to get you out of this mood, dear mel! The Hermit and the Star in action together are a clear sign of an emotional frustration which forces you into a solitary state.   At work, today is marked by a need to take stock of your position. The association of the Hermit and the Emperor suggests that you should take a little step back to establish your strategy for reinforcing your position and to plan better for the future. With perception and impartiality, your battle plans for your career would do credit to Napoleon. Give yourself a pat on the back!

No one is going to pat me on my back. Maybe I should just lie about everything and not bring up anything that may disturbe the calm on the water. It's just me against the world.