Bouncing

It was okay and dare even say better for a few weeks. It could be the darn frogs or just the demos so blabbery. And then the wandering. Tempted to dig but really should not. Not like it did any good last time.

For awhile was thinking maybe this was something that can work out but now the donuts creep in and don't feel like really recalling anything. Just tricking myself into thinking or goIng through the motions of it. Can't help but think of the comment that someone read it all on a single plane ride while took 3 days. The last few chaps didn't even really focus on and skimes through it. Really how much should really recall or pass ever? Still. It sure of the answer beyond have to get through it faster. Okay soon reeeadinn the comment it was actually 15 chaps but think the beginning of the book was better than the last 5. Feel like the effort at that point had drifted off and it was more getting to the point more to wrap it up. 

Cryptic log files

Frogs at the Beach again

Try to get away but there it is again. Eyes are really tired or burning from something. Well at least just play it out and to no where it goes. It's nice yet damaging. Without it seems so pointless yet with it painful as the moments flees. In trying to capture it, dwindled away what was once was. How to capture the moment? Can only accept that it's like a flame. Nice at a distance and burns as you get too close. As much as would like to hold and keep the flame. So nice so useful. It's not meant to be held. Best admired from a distance. 

Love Yourself

Jimin is just great. Been waiting for their new songs for awhile. Not sure if was going to like this song as it was a ballad. Didn't even start on any of the class items for the semester.  It really is going to be hell on wheels for the rest of the year. Hopefully tomorrow will be fairly slow that can get a few things prepped for class. Not sure how will get any of the side studying done. Only got a month to churn it all out. Swore it was 3pm just a moment ago.

Really with all the clutter really can't have nice things or get anything. Not really interested in experiences though it seems to be the things gotta share with others to be more interesting. Really not interested in experiences anything at the moment to share with anyone. No one else seems interested in eating anything so why wait for anyone else feels like doing something before am allowed to do anything. Part of is just waiting for school to start so can avoid it all. Really can't hang around in st. paul but can linger around msp. Less focus on others things and more on your own. Can't expect anything from others if can't expect it yourself. Doesn't matter who saids what. Gotta have some grit. Things can disappear. Don't need permission. Your opinion doesn't matter. Free yourself from yourself.

Still struggling with the why long for something can not have, yet to have grit and to pursue what it is that is desired and to not be detoured. To not desire what can not be obtained or to stick to what is determined to have? At what point is there is one to stop or go another direction? Stick to it regardless? doesn't mean it can't be put down for awhile to pursue other activities. That darn tree frog was like a sign. Didn't really think would see one. Think had imagined it at one time or another. But didn't think would encounter one. Really can't recall the last time ran into one.

Stuck

starting to feel overwhelmed with all of it. Not enough time and running out of time. So tired today. A few moment of dejavu in the morning running things. Don't think stayed up too late. Sure worried about something's but worry or not, time still passes at the same pace so why worry? It's happening reguaesless. That's the only thing can think of that's different. Thinkn got 7hrs of sleep. Not sure if less from the blabbering in the morning. Really gotta close that door in case. It will be over soon enough.

F that. Maybe that's how it is when you don't make buddy buddy with em? I mean even misuse is like all chummy with formers even let alone current. What am I not doing or doing wrong! Not helpful enough? Not fun enough? Not sure. So today there was a butt load of leftovers. It's not the best tasting because if it was it would have been gone already but it's mainly still there. Did miss out? But if would have left sooner or even when was leaving maybe. It wouldn't leave. It's like a sign to not grab anything even if wanted to. Not that it was that tasty but hey it's free. Hate to let it go to waste. Oh well. If it was better tasting, think would have found a way to grab it. 

Final Days

Recall the first week of the month and thinking be at the end in no time. And here we are. Been slightly sluggish and down over moments if missed or what could have been. But not to dwell on those things. Can only see what can go from here. What is the next thing. Next place to be. Worry it's not where should be or can be. As long you going somewhere. See where land in a week.

Tried eating in the morning. Not sure if it helps or hurts. Feel like once start eating feeling more hungry. Like once it's started you want more. Still trying to purge. Working on ridding items that don't bring joy or desire. Don't settle for mediocrity. Purged some bathroom items. Sure there is more work under the sink but wanted to focus on able for now. Start putting more of it on during the evening. It all runs out eventually. Making it last longer only delays the invetable end of it. Why hold on to it? What is it that you hold on it? Is the end so bad? He first feeling can recall are ending of movies. Didn't like that they are so short. Just want a good story to go one and on. Think that's why tv series perfered? More if it to chew on and more story lines. If it doesn't end, how to move on to discover new stories? Things ending and running out is not a bad thing. It all ends. What not end it well? It's something one can not advoid. What is to come of all the stuff when you are gone. Might as well deal with it yourself and control it and live more free.

Make them disappear!

The Purge

The freedom to toss things. Quite liberating. Gawd gotta be in early tomorrow. Oh well guess should go of it was sent to you else would not be sent to ya. Still even after a year like the roster saids, I'm not sure what is it that you do. I'm not sure myself after all this time. So what now? Things don't taste better the longer it sits. As much I want to try new things, am hessatent as there so much old things. Don't worry about others things when you got your own things to purge. Nothing is meant to last. Really nothing. It all ends sooner or later. Just make things disappear. Why spens time thinking and stressing over  what to do with it? Like the cream cheese, enjoying any of it? I think not at all. Was able to get rid of something me things due to it but it could have gone a long time ago. Not sure how long the quote will last but need to really use the time to read what you can. Doesn't have to be a lot but just enough to have done something. Screen is really odd, gets darker and lighter on its own.

Again the last 2 days was a little rough. Not sure if need more or less focus. Maybe focused on the wrong thing. Either way, got what wanted out of tf and that's all for now. Back to focusing on reading and training for rotc? Not sure what it stands for but you get the idea. Pain is on the way. Else been more agitated with self. Like a pineapple to buy but no one eating any of the fruit. So what now? Really time to scale back on the purchases and use up and toss what is there. Try, use to see if it's still any good else yay toss it. Reguaesless if the creams are still good or not, if the small is bad then it has to go. Quite simple. No one will miss it.