Chicken

Tired, cold, and some more tired. Been doing some thinking. Bright lights have been hurting my eyes. I don't feel like brushing today. I hope to get some sleep and rest up to be more up to getting things done tomorrow.

Lies and Letting Go

I just want to know, but it really looks like there are things I should not know or I will know when the time comes. I don't want someone to convince me that this is something I want. I didn't want anything at all. I have being too hopeful. I am wanting too much. I need to get myself together. I need to reset myself. Do not live in delusion, do not act out of emotion and make decisions due to delusions. Do act in your own interest. Self sacrificing is not as noble as you thing. No one will think more of you for it. You are what you are my dear. No one else.

~Hair and Makeup~
Funny how the two combination can change a person. It depresses me how the only or should I say most of the times I type I am sad. How sad. How to change things.

I just checked the scope and it did mention change and how tech isn't getting through today. Just an hectic day. But this late? But I guess it hasn't really failed me yet. There's always one reason or another. Always remember, always keep in mind, I just just want everyone to be happy. I really do, including myself. Your own happiness is not something you can trade or offer to someone else. Please take care of yourself. You are so important to me. I need you more than anything.

~Change~
Think I need something else. Not sure what, but something different. Or maybe back to something. I look at it and I want to puke. Maybe just grab a bite to eat and grab some sleep. Then can maybe get an earlier start in the morning.

Pacients Once Again, This too will Pass

~Waking Dreams~
So I had 2 dreams this morning. One was about Liz, special ed Liz. I have wondered how she was doing and Randy. I remember the sign language and the beanies. I am not sure if it was part of the dream or just something I was thinking about. So I see her in like a blue sweater, just like how I remember her skipping away in a path away from me. I later find out she's going to grad school in WI. I am not sure if I running after her or if I was trying to catch up to her. But it more or less ended there.

The second one was shorter and to the point more. I was like dating Rain or something. But after his success, he tries to give me stuff, but I seemed not to want it. Like there was something going on that I didn't want his stuff. He shows me a bow gift set where it had 2 pair of wallets, one men and the other woman, 2 of each for morning and evening use. I am not sure why I didn't like it. I recall one on the bottom left for woman evening to be sparklie. But I remember after seeing it I try to walk away from it and at the same time he sometime b4 placed a necklace on me that was on a thin gold chain and had a small green arrow point like green stone at the end and he was lifting the necklace to show me like I had not noticed it because it was so small or to show others. Or to see if i noticed that it was even on since it was so light.I just remember not liking it. I am not sure if I didn't like him or the items more. I think it was more like him because according to that I like, I should have liked them.

But both are interesting. Think the first one is about the prospect of going back to school and the other how I feel about certain people. Funny how they appear in our dreams. It lets us know what's going on in our minds. But after hearing the phone call, it doesn't seem as bad. But can't say I am happy about it either. But I shall live with it and like everything in life, it will pass. Somethings sooner than others, but they all eventually do.

I want to put myself first. Take care of myself first. I know isn't easy, but it's something you need to do for your own well being.

The Solution

Is that not a power name?

I feel icky right now. Hopefully after a shower, I will feel better...

I shall come up with a good artical regardless of the outcome. I do so because I can. It's not taking away from anything really. Just taking things in a different direction. I get scared when I start not to care a bit. I worry how far this feeling will take me. Not like there is anything to be said. But there is an up side to the feeling is that it can get me through the tough times, but at a price.

~Big Tree, Little Tree~
I know it seems petty of me to be thinking of this at a time like this. It really is when everyone has their own thing to do. What they do with it is not yours to control. You just do your part, that's all. But what about supporting other roles? Is that your job too? Are you obligated to? Their success or failure is no on you. What you decide to do for them, ensure it is your own choice and not tied to in condition of a result, because you will not get it. The more you demand, the more specific you are, the more you plan, the more ways it can go wrong. Loosen up and be flexible. Be able to bend like the tree story.

~Waiting to React~
I think it's the best way to describe some things of late. For a few minutes, it was just a cup of tears. What if there was another? How will I deal with it? So I try to go back to that you want what's best for others and want them to do things that make them happy. If they are happy, how can I be sad? I am selfish for being sad for myself of a loss. Sad to lose something I never had. So did you really lose it? It's really how you see things. If it wasn't this time, there's always next time.

Truth

It's true. As hard as it maybe to face, it's true. Without it, what else is there? Emptiness.

Dang it, and I thought it was going away. But it comes back warmer.

Will this too pass?

Daily Planetary Overview

The Moon quincunx Neptune and Jupiter today may affect the implementation of your plans. Nothing will go as you had anticipated. Your faith may be in question due to a situation you are concerned about.

Your Horoscope - Today, Dec. 9, 2009
You are at a point of emotional climax right now, Melly. Things are coming to a critical point in which situations seem to first escalate and then suddenly collapse. Little issues in your relationships that you have failed to deal with openly are coming back to haunt you. It could be that someone is trying to cross you at this time, or maybe it just feels this way. Don't get overly paranoid. The whole world is not out to get you.

Works

I actually kind of want to spend a weekend on my own. It really has been awhile. At least been 2 weekends where I have not really been able to be on my own and not had the hussle and bussle of others around. When there's no one you miss it and when there's everyone you want to get away. We seem to want things you can not have. There are things to be done, things to put away, others to put away. Is it only things or people as well?

If you then what you knew now, what would you do?

The idea crossed my mind, and you knew what I meant. I worry still about catching something. Do I trust? Think about it first before you do anything, don't do anything out of haste or emotion.

Scary

Daily Planetary Overview

The Moon quincunx Neptune and Jupiter today may affect the implementation of your plans. Nothing will go as you had anticipated. Your faith may be in question due to a situation you are concerned about.

Your Horoscope - Today, Dec. 9, 2009
You are at a point of emotional climax right now, Melly. Things are coming to a critical point in which situations seem to first escalate and then suddenly collapse. Little issues in your relationships that you have failed to deal with openly are coming back to haunt you. It could be that someone is trying to cross you at this time, or maybe it just feels this way. Don't get overly paranoid. The whole world is not out to get you.

I knew it could get bad, but I didn't expect this to be the issue. It's hard to say why. How communications are not getting through. Guess are thinking of different things. Could be the stress of things. Does one not realize that seeing each other depends on other people? You can't risk jeopardizing that. At whatever cost, I want what's best for both ends.

~Sadness~
Funny how one person can affect another. But I must always remain objective. I am only still human and have not been oh what's it called, been enlightened. But always not act out of emotion. Loving kindness. You hate it when the term whatever comes up. So I try not to say it to others as a term used of not caring. so if you don't care, I can not force you to. Only to want the best for all.

I so need to stay away from material things. Keep me from being possessive. Keep me from wanting. I do not want to desire anything anymore. At least for now. I hope for things to get better soon.

~Tomorrow~
Oh dear, looking at tomorrow could mean traffic and other issues. Looks like it's going to be tough tomorrow as well.