Seariously?

I mean really you can't be serious! I try to get it together and even almost as went as far as really go though with it and really seriously throught about it and thought what the heck, what I have to lose and you throw me this? Maybe I can think of a way to twist it and not make it as bad as it may seem. But do you think they remember? It was like 2 weeks ago... hopefully there be so much going on that won't recall. Got to choose my words carefully. I want to improve and make things better. I find myself more today than ever no longer happy here. It has been a year and I had hope I would be better at it all. Maybe I lack focus and make these careless mistakes. It doesn't happen often, but more often than I would like given how the work. Been feeling brownie lately, more chewie, more fudgie. How can I fix this?  How can I make this better?

FOCUS

19 Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.
2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.
3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.
4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.
5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.
6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.
7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.
8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.
9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.
10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.
11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.
12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.
13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.
14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.
15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.
16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.
17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.
18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.
19. Stop being afraid.

-Thought Catalog 

Drink Drink Drink

 All look so fun, but who knows if they are tasty. So saw a very horrifying blog post on a sg gal doing a peel and get got a staph infection. OMG I don't think I would want to get one now. I am trying to imagin how I would recover from something like that. And all that reading of purging of the face. I did try rubbing alchodal and that really made my chin spotty for a moment and made my heart skip a beat seeing how it looked. Good thing it faded quickly, but I need to be more careful. Spent a good chunck of the evening trying to brun a CD and good lord it sure brings me back. But also the feeling of frustration. I seem to get like that more often than not. Something I need to get over. Well at least I got 2 days off.  Think she rather I just take one. But hey, I'm going to take 2.  I will think about the other 2. I kind of want to take Thur as for sure I have the whole day to what? Dinker? Think I will take another 2 days or at least 1 more to try to cram more into before aug. There is a purpose.

Direction

I'm trying to give myself some. Not too much of others. Even if the Mondays don't work out, there's some days where has weeks off. But think you should just find what works best for you. I don't even want to go anymore. Not necessarly that there is nothing I want, but I feel nothing I can really get. As I tryo to make writing more appealing by adding images, how can I also make other things feel as nice when things may not be as plesent. If you want to do something, then do it. Do not givr youself a reason not to or to put it off even if it is a good reason. No room for self dout, only just because I want so, and then I shall. Since reading some coaching vides, it's starting to make me think of my life in a different way. Maybe the monk way was too passive and at the same time made me feel there was no purpose in wanting anything.  As it gets later I feel less and less wanting to. I also know be going back to cold food. Really need to plan my meals better. No saving or hording food for a better time. Food just gets old, moldy, and freezer burned, no reason for it to get better unless it's fruit. Why don't we see how this works first before we get ahead of outself and will take aproporate action.