Wondering

Dearly Beloved:

I wonder what other people are thinking.

You are my twist of fate. I want to be there for you, if I could make you happy, I would give anything. It hurts so much, I wish for the pain to go away, will you end it for me please? Will you take my heart away or kill me? I hate you so.

Do I really? Who knows. I wish thing were simple how they use to be. At some time we all grow up in this complicated world and it shapes us to who we are today. But we learn how to deal with things and learn not to let our emotions control us. Sometimes I just feel like losing it all, just let my feelings be free, but I know it's so dangerious to let that happen. I want to protect them, but I know I can't protect them forever. They are like my own childern watching them grow up, feeling what my heart feels, letting my geart out if like letting your own childern out in the world to experience things one has not felt yet. But it's so hard to let go and just to stand by and watch. But you know it's good for them, what doesn't kill them only makes them stronger and some things you have to experience yourself. It's not something you can teach as painful as it maybe to go through.

I just want to take care of everyone, my friends, my family, and everyone that I care about. How to be a good friend? Hmm I need to think about that one for awhile. I try so hard, but it doesn't seem to be worth anything. Can someone tell me what I should do?... I feel so lost right now.. I don't want to mess up again, I am so scared to screw things up again..

I may not be able to open myself up to anyone right now or even for awhile. Hopefully, maybe one day, I be able to again, I hope, and I hope that day comes soon. For now I just need to take care of myself the best I can.