Holding Back Tears Until it Rains

Really have been slacking off. Was just listening to Jay's video and this came to mind. Somethings are just better off done and over. Over time, it helps. As time passes, it doesn't seem to matter much. To care and yet to not care. To want nothing, to be nothing. Many thoughts in my head. I should think less ad let it all play out and decide when there is less so it can be more focused. I have been having thought that I shouldn't be having. It's a rather interesting thought. It's as close to coming to reality as it gets. I never even though it could even get to this point. Did something silly this morning relating to it. Maybe it's a good thing that it didn't really go through as planned and to get myself in a pickle. Tomorrow will be another test. I think it should be easier for me tomorrow because I was ticked off today and I am bitter and resentful after all.

Reaching

Just not quite there. Am I always falling short? Had a mysteries call this evening that I missed. Was not sure what it was all about and no message. All this thinking has got me thinking that this is going nowhere. Depression spreads like a disease. Too much focus on what is lacking. What about the things that are going well, or are there not any, or enough? What happened to counting your blessings? Or is it a curse? I really feel that way at times. Or could it be a test?